The Butterfly Effect
by babybensler
Summary: "Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over" Sometimes being partners just isn't enough.
1. Good Partner

**Wednesday, April 6**

After twelve years you would think she would be used to the calls in the middle of the night from her captain, informing her that they had caught _another_ case. But she wasn't. Olivia Benson had been called in maybe 100 times throughout these twelve years, and each time she ached, moaned, and groaned not wanting to remove herself from her bed. After twelve years, her eyes still burned when they fluttered open and her body still craved more sleep.

But this was her job. She wouldn't have it any other way.

After taking a quick shower and slipping on her predictable black slacks and blouse, she hastily tossed her still damp hair into a low ponytail. Grabbing her badge and gun, going through her usual mental check list, she was almost out the door when her phone began buzzing on the kitchen counter. She groaned inwardly, already assuming it had been Captain rushing her.

"Captain, I'll be there in-"

"I was trying to be a good partner for once, but you're really killin me. How much longer ya gonna be, Liv?" The twang of his accent sounded through the phone. Sending a small bit of relief that it wasn't her Captain, but her partner. Elliot Stabler.

"Good partner? More like a pain in my ass. I'm on my way down," she ended the call and headed downstairs.

Night had still fallen and the streets of New York were asleep for once. Although the calls were often an inconvenience, this time of night had always been her favorite. Because for just a few hours the city was calm and _quiet._ Nearly everyday she had spent her time chasing down perps and helping victims.

Her days were chaotic and busy. Never calm and quiet.

So it was nice to even have just a moment to revel in the rarely harmonious city.

She stepped down from the stoop of her apartment building, and slid into the passenger seat of the squad car. Elliot greeted her by handing over a cup of coffee- black, just the way she liked it. The heat of the cup warmed her palms, not realizing how cold she really had been.

"What do we got?"

"15 year old girl shows up to the hospital in labor, a fews hours later she gets a few visitors who are _also_ pregnant," she could tell he had been trying his hardest, but sleep was still evident in his voice. With her head leaned up against the window, she glanced over in her peripheral, turning up the corners of her mouth. "Hospital staff wants us to check it out. Something about them _all_ being so young and pregnant didn't sit well."

"You get any sleep?"

For the past three days they had been working on yet _another_ case, and had finally closed it the night before. It had been weeks of post spring break clean up, each day a new case file had been given to them. Leaving every squad member slammed, and working late each night. It never really bothered Olivia much, she didn't have anyone waiting for her at home. But Elliot had slowly become a concern. _He_ actually had a family.

"No luck," he sat lazily in the driver's seat, his wrist resting on the steering wheel.

"Did you at least get to see the kids last night? Eli?" she knew to tread lightly on the subject, but found herself genuinely concerned. It was only a few weeks ago when they had been on a six hour long stakeout, when he had openly informed her that he and Kathy were separating..again. Except this time around it had been different. It sounded final.

"By the time I drove out there it was bedtime. I read him a story and tucked him in," he shrugged his shoulders, defeated. Over the years Elliot had learned to be thankful and cherish every moment with his children, never knowing when he'd get called away on a case. But when he Eli had come around, he made a promise to himself that he wouldn't let the job interfere with his childhood the way it did with his siblings. He made a promise. One he couldn't keep.

"I'm sorry El," she placed a hand on his forearm that rested between them. He tensed up a bit, but soon relaxed into her touch. They didn't do this. They didn't touch each other, or show affection.

Over the past year their partnership had been strained once again like it had several years back after Gitano. It was only a month ago that she wanted to take her sig and shove it down his throat. For roughly five weeks Olivia had found herself being the legal guardian of a young boy named Calvin Arliss, when his mother Vivian (who had recently learned she was a product of rape) had left abruptly. The case had taken a copious amount of twists and turns, a factor they had grown used to over the years. But each turn had strained Olivia and her partnership with Elliot even more since she had Calvin.

She had every intention of finding Calvin's biological father, but it was her _heart_ that wouldn't allow her to. The idea of motherhood had been pushed further and further towards the back of her mind as each year passed. Adoption had always been an option in her plans, but with every agency denying her, the idea of adoption had soon become mute.

So it was Elliot that pushed her to find the biological father. It was Elliot she blamed when he took the DNA sample from her desk and turned it in. It was Elliot she blamed when Vivian came back to collect her boy after his biological father had murdered her lover. It was him. It was all his fault.

"Kathy gave me shit about it, but I'm used to it by now," he managed to crack a small smile, and so did she. Olivia remembered the numerous amount of times Kathy had shown up to the squad room, a child or two in tow, looking for Elliot. She remembered all of the times she had covered for him, when in reality he was up in the cribs catching up on sleep. Not ready to return for diaper duty just yet.

"You ready?" she slurped the last few sips of her coffee, before unbuckling herself as they pulled up to the hospital.

That was how they worked. Always moving onto the next. Never allowing for anything to get to deep.

" _Lady cops like you always think we need saving. My baby and I will be fine! Let me go home!" the dark haired girl bit back at Olivia, who had been questioning her for the past hour. She wouldn't cooperate, and had left Olivia irritated with her._

" _Listen to me Stephanie! You and your baby won't be 'fine'. Teenage pregnancies carry a number of risks. Risks I'm sure you're unaware of since you haven't been getting any prenatal care. I'm here to help you."_

" _How old are you? Huh? Gotta at least be pushing 50. You probably go home every night to an empty apartment, no family. The sight of me just leaves your womb aching, wishing you had a baby. You're just jealous no man has wanted you enough to have his baby. Fuck you lady, I don't need your help!"_

"I'm gonna go get some air," Olivia had abruptly pushed away from the desk her and Elliot had shared for over a decade. She walked briskly through the squad room and headed for the roof before anyone could speak to her.

She didn't expect for the interrogation earlier to have an affect on her, but it continued to run through her head. Those same words taunting her, reminding her of Calvin, the failed attempts at adoption.

 _You're letting a 15 year old get inside of your head Olivia. For chrissakes, suck it up. Calvin is gone. And you do go home to an empty apartment. Truth._

"I don't wanna talk about it El," no matter how quiet he attempted to be, Olivia was always able to feel his proximity. She leaned on both elbows, peering over the city going into 5 o'clock traffic.

"Liv-" he spoke in a low tone, one she wasn't used to. She knew he was close, not only by his voice, but the heat that radiated off of his body.

"Elliot I swear to god I'll kill you," as hard as she tried to appear confident and okay, her voice had failed her and cracked when she spoke.

"I've told you before and I'll say it a hundred times more. Anyway you wanna do it, I'll support you Liv. It's not too late. Every kid out there would love to have you as a mom," it's been decided. She was going to kill him. A slow and painful death.

"I love this whole 'trying to be a good partner' skit you're doing, but I can't right now. I just wanna be alone," she inhaled deeply, finally allowing herself to breath. Her lungs burned at the sharp intake, but she didn't care. She need to feel _something_. Something besides this numbing aching feeling that had crept up on her.

"I'm not 'trying', I am a good partner. Probably the best to be honest," she looked over at him, a shit eating grin plastered across his face. He stood beside her, facing towards her and leaning back on his elbows. His face squinted, eyebrows knitting together as he tried to peer up at the sky.

"Don't try to be funny Elliot. Just let me be miserable..alone," she lifted the corners of her mouth, slightly amused by his antics, trying her hardest not to take her anger out on him. Something they had both been reckless about doing.

"How about take out and a movie at my place tonight then?" he grinned making the dimple in his left cheek appear. She thought about giving him a swift kick to the legs and punching him just hard enough to leave a mark, but she decided to give him a one time break. He had to be lonely at his "new home" and keeping him company wouldn't be the worst.

"Only if you order extra lo mein," she pinched his shoulder, her irritation forgotten. Olivia was slightly thankful for the intrusion on her plans to only go home and snuggle up to a glass of wine. Elliot had always seemed to do that; somehow drag her away from her single and lonely life.

But she assumed that's what a good partner did.


	2. Needed Me

**Wednesday, April 6: Cont..**

She was going to Elliot's apartment tonight.

They had hung out many times before outside of work. Except most times it was to stop for a bite to eat or a quick drink. It was rare when they would opt for Olivia's apartment instead for takeout from their favorite restaurant. But now they would be going to Elliot's new place. A newly single Elliot's place. Ok- so not really _single,_ but damn near close enough.

She could lie to herself and say that she didn't want to go to Elliot's place tonight. Or tell herself that it was wrong for her to go over there barely two months after separating from his wife for the second time. But the truth was, Olivia _needed_ him tonight. He was her partner of almost 12 years, and although she hated to admit it- he was her best friend too.

Olivia Benson hardly ever _needed_ anyone. Learning from a young age and her problematic childhood to be independent, she was used to dealing with everything on her own. So she didn't know why she all of a sudden tonight had been different.

Elliot had wrapped up at work almost two hours earlier than her, and had left to run a few errands before she came over. Lucky for her, she had been able to find an extra pair of jeans and a black sweater to wear over there. She looked herself over in the mirror, attempting to smooth out her hair and pinch some color back into her cheeks. It had been nearly a 14 hour work day, and it had shown in her appearance. It shouldn't have mattered though. It was just Elliot. He had seen her practically at her worst after working long tough cases, with no showers or time to hardly change clothes.

 _It's just takeout and a movie, move your ass and get over there_.

Thankful that he had moved to Manhattan, Olivia had arrived at Elliot's apartment in less than 20 minutes. For some odd reason after he buzzed her up, she had begun to feel apprehensive as she made her trip up to the third level of the apartments. As much as she tried to normalize this entire situation, her conscience wouldn't allow. There had been an undeniable shift in their partnership, indescribable at this point. But it had been there.

"I'm shocked you didn't bail," Elliot greeted her at the door in a pair of grey sweats and a hoodie. The complete opposite of how she normally seen him dressed. He looked relaxed, unlike at work where he always appeared tense.

"And miss out on free food?" she smirked and entered into his apartment.

 _See Liv, you're already making jokes. This is normal. Everything is normal._

She followed him through the apartment into the spacious living room, which had already proved to be more than she had expected. Elliot wasn't one to splurge, and began to wonder how he had found such a steal within his price range. Olivia took a seat on the small grey sectional, immediately making herself at home. Her nervousness had vanished. She was here. Everything was okay.

Without needing to ask, he disappeared into the small hallway to grab two beers from his kitchen. She glanced around noticing he still had a few stray boxes that had gone unpacked and laughed to herself. Knowing at this rate they would probably still go untouched for another few months.

"I come bearing gifts," he had returned from the kitchen with beer and plates for their food in both hands. "I got extra lo mein, the queens request," he was joking around, being funny even. They would kid from to time, but something was different about him this time. Her forehead furrowed, causing her eyebrows to knit together. She was _confused?_

"Okay, you gotta admit that was a _little_ funny?" he sat each item down on the black coffee table before beginning to open the boxes of food.

"Where's my partner? Ya know, the one who punches lockers and strangles perps?" A boyish grin appeared across his face, only shrugging his shoulders in response.

Although she had sounded like she was joking. Olivia had been slightly serious. It was only a few weeks ago that he had been called out of interrogation for being too rough with a suspect. A sign that he had been stressed. Presumably from the separation and figuring out a schedule for Eli and the twins.

Now it was beginning to feel like that first year they had been partnered together. Always joking, playful, and relaxed. It had even felt like they had been getting to know each other again, even after 12 years together. Life had been changing for the both of them. For better or for worse. Including their partnership.

It didn't take long for Olivia's mind to finally put itself at ease after her second beer. They had made light conversation throughout the movie, deciding that the silence between was something that they both needed after long day. It wasn't until they were halfway through the second movie that Olivia had fallen asleep next to Elliot. Her head resting on this shoulder. They had sat closer than usual, and he knew it had been inevitable the moment he noticed she had begun to nod off.

But he didn't mind.

A part of him pushed himself to wake her, and avoiding the ass kicking he'd get in the morning once she had woken up. But then the other part of him didn't want to. The only time he had seen her sleep was for a few seconds before he had to wake her in the cribs.

She looked peaceful, sated even. Like it wasn't just hours ago that he thought she was going to breakdown in front of him. Olivia had been tough over the years he noticed. Always able to take care of herself, even though he protested against it sometimes. She was all around tough and a little rough around the edges. But appeared completely opposite of that, and he found himself in awe.

He noticed how her breaths were even, how she slept so soundly that her chest barely moved each time she did an intake of air. And that every time she exhaled, her bangs would move a few millimeters.

Right away he kicked himself for being such an asshole, and even thinking that way about Olivia. But he wasn't surprised with himself either. For years he knew that this partnership had been different from the others. That he and Olivia shared a different bond between each other, that eventually transformed itself into the slightest bit of attraction. The chemistry between the two of them had been undeniable over the years. Although they tried to not pay any attention to it, others pointed it out for them. And by others he meant not only their coworkers, but Kathy too.

It wasn't long after he had been partnered with Olivia, when Kathy had begun to ask adamant questions about their relationship. She noticed the growing attachment between her husband and Olivia, and couldn't stand the jealousy that had started to blossom within her.

But he denied it. Time and time again.

Until now.

He had thought about the first time he had begun to see Olivia differently. To notice the little things about her that moved something within him. Or the first time he had actually considered pursuing those feelings he knew he had buried deep inside of him for her. That was back when he had separated Kathy the first time. Back when things were much more simple.

So now he sat, with Olivia Benson, his partner, sleeping on his shoulder. In _his_ apartment. On _his_ couch. Wrapped in one of _his_ blankets.

He cursed himself for even thinking their partnership would be any more than just that. Although they didn't say it, he knew that they were best friends too but different from most. They didn't share their deepest secrets with one another, or vent about their problems.

Their friendship _was_ their partnership. They had each other's backs in the field, always knowing what the other was thinking without having to speak. Always in sync. Always.

So it was dumb. Truly insane to think she would want him to be anything else to her besides _just that._ So he sat still and tried to do what he did best and just be there for her. To be her partner and nothing else.

She didn't remember when or how she ended up asleep on Elliot's couch. Wrapped in a blanket and resting on a pillow. She had woken up around 3 that morning to a dimly lit room, and no Elliot. She appreciated him letting her rest on the couch and moving to his room. But waking her so she could have gone home would've been a bit less.. _weird._

Olivia had gotten home and thrown herself straight into her _own_ bed. Forcing herself to try and sleep, instead of over analyzing everything that had happened over the past 24 hours. She had stripped herself of her jeans, and threw on a pair of sweats before climbing into bed. Then she cursed out loud when she had gotten a whiff of her sweater.

It smelled like him. And now it always would.

 **Thursday, April 7**

"Alex, I promise you everything is going to go smoothly. Casey and I have the entire shower planned from head to toe. Small, intimate, and plenty of hors d'veoures," thankfully they hadn't been called in early this morning, and she was able to sleep in a few hours later. Those extra hours had been a blessing once she remembered the many errands she had to run today.

"Are you sure you don't want me to help you guys? I'm pregnant, not dying," of all the people Olivia knew, Alex Cabot was the one she least expected to become best friends with. They had grown close a few years back, and now, almost 3 years later Olivia was helping Alex prepare to bring another life into this world.

Olivia had been supportive from the very moment Alex had told her that she would be starting a family on her own. They both knew that neither of them were getting any younger, and had confessed their fears to one another about never experiencing motherhood. She assumed

Alex had gotten approved for adoption finally, but was stunned when she pulled a 6 week ultrasound from her bag.

So here she was, helping and supporting her friend throughout her pregnancy, while she sat and hoped she would be able to become a mother one day too.

" _No,_ the only thing we need from you is for you to show on Sunday for your baby shower," Olivia sat at her breakfast bar, going through emails. "We'll talk more later tonight. Don't work too hard," she hung up and gathered her belongings before heading out the door for work.

"Thank you, El" Olivia entered into the precinct, thankful for the steaming cup of coffee sitting on her desk.

"You get some sleep?" she peered up from her desk, becoming flushed as the memories of what happened last night resurfaced.

"Yeah, I did. I didn't mean to fall asleep at your place," her voice had become low. Hoping to avoid Munch's nosey ears. That awkward feeling between them had returned for her, and she hated that it had even happened.

"It wasn't a problem, well..until you started snoring," the corners of his mouth lifted into a small smile. Causing her to do the same. She was happy he had changed the topic instead.

He knew her too well.

"I do not!" she threw a crumpled piece of paper towards his head.

"Tell that to my throbbing headache from the lack of sleep I got from all that noise," she rolled her eyes and laughed softly, returning to her paperwork.

"I know how you can make it up to me..come over for dinner and let me cook for you this time," he was asking for her to come over to his place.. _again._

"I don't know Elliot. I have to finish these gift bags for Alex' baby shower, and-"

"Then let me help you," she stiled. He was playing the role of a friend more than a partner, and she wasn't quite used to seeing him in such a different light.

"You wanna help me with this baby shower? Just when I thought you couldn't get anymore unpredictable Stabler," she had been joking around, but it honestly scared the shit out of her to see him like this.

"There's a lot of things you haven't seen from me. If you actually do some work today, maybe we can both get out of here a little early," he bit back playfully and went off to refill his coffee.

She decided to accept the change happening in their relationship, and play this new dynamic by ear. Because she realized that as much as she needed him, he needed her too.


	3. Boundaries

**Chapter 3**

 **Thursday, April 7: Cont..**

"Don't people normally have these things months before the baby comes? At least that's what Kathy did," Elliot tied an uneven bow around a gift bag, while Olivia filled them.

"Well, yeah. But it took us this long to convince her to let us throw her a shower. I just wish it didn't end up being two weeks before the baby is due," she tossed another bag in his direction.

"Girl or boy?"

"It's a surprise," she rolled her eyes, remembering how indecisive Alex had been about finding out the gender.

"That's what we did with Eli. Nerve wrecking as hell though," he smiled small. This time around had been different. When she arrived at his house barely an hour ago, it hadn't felt entirely foreign. They had settled into a comfortable rhythm, and she was grateful.

"Why don't you just fill the bags and I'll tie the ribbons?" Olivia and Elliot sat in the middle of his living room floor, while the dinner he made baked in the oven.

"Is there something wrong, Benson?"

"El, your bows are looking a little...sloppy," she laughed a bit, taking the ribbon and scissors from his hands. He slumped back on sofa, and began stuffing each bag. "Oh come on, don't tell me you're upset," she nudged his side.

"No..this baby shower just got me thinkin'. You really don't think you'll ever become a mother?" She stilled in the middle of finishing the gift bag, taken back by the dramatic change in topic. Olivia hated how much he could read her, and know what was on her mind. When the incident with the young girl happened the day before, she had been able to push it to the back of her mind. Just like she had done everything else. Elliot had been serving as a great distraction these past few days. But she knew the topic was inevitable.

"We talked about this years ago..I'm still single, I've gotten denied countless times by adoption agencies.." her voice faded. She avoided looking at him by keeping her eyes focused on the ribbon between her fingers. "It's stupid. Nothing ever really goes right for me, so I don't know why I thought-" she pinched the bridge of her nose, in an effort to stop the tears she felt welling in her eyes.

Olivia Benson didn't cry.

"Liv, it's-"

"I'm okay- really. Samantha is just an angry kid, I shouldn't be upset," she continued to cut the ribbon, staying focused on just that.

"You really don't think you should be? Because I think it's more than what Samantha said-"

"I don't need to hear what you think, because I _know_ that I'll never become a mom. And that's just how it is. I've accepted it," her last sentence had been stern, final. Warning him that she was completely over talking about it. His mouth opened slightly as if he were going to say something else. But instead he rose from the couch to check on the Ziti that had been baking.

She had laughed silently to herself at how she had always managed to screw up when things went well. Elliot had only been worried, and she knew that. But she also didn't feel like diving into her personal life tonight.

Olivia went to check on him after five minutes had passed, concerned that she had upset him. She had expected to walk in on him mid rage, but instead he had been in the middle of preparing her plate.

"I can't believe I'm witnessing Elliot Stabler cook," she leaned one shoulder on the frame of the door, with both arms crossed in front of her.

"I've made a few dishes in my lifetime, Liv," he wiped his hands on the small towel thrown over his shoulder. "Please go sit in the dining room," he stepped forward, and leaning in close. "I'm serving you tonight," his voice had gotten lower, practically whispering in her ear. She had held her breath, in fear that he'd see how his words had shocked her.

Olivia didn't know whether to be afraid of the complete 360 he had done, or accept the low burn that coursed through her lower belly. She reached for the wine glass he held in his hands, and proceeded to the small dining room across the hall.

 _What the hell are you doing?_

 _Or better yet, what the hell is he doing?_

For years she knew- she always knew. There was chemistry, an undeniable bond between them, and plenty of opportunities to venture outside of their partnership to try being _more_ to each other. But she never once thought that it would happen. Not in this lifetime at least.

Olivia felt wrong, guilty even, for not being upset with him for what seemed like overstepping their boundaries.

She wanted it.

And she hated herself for it.

"So?" Elliot sat across from Olivia at the small black table, only big enough to seat four. They both finished their dinner, and sat finishing their now second glass of wine. He had caught her by surprise, and reached for her legs under the table, placing both feet in his lap. He was nonchalant about it, as if it were _normal_ for them to be so..comfortable.

"So?" She took a sip from her wine, relaxing into their position.

"How was the pasta?" He said lazily.

"Well I didn't die..yet," she raised an eyebrow.

"Aw come on. You gotta have a little more faith in me," he ran the pad of his thumb along the underside of her foot.

"Are you going to see Eli this weekend?"

"Yeah, if Kathy doesn't pull anything this time around."

"Do you think this is it?" her word vomit had kicked in, and she was cursing herself for it.

"Yup," he sighed and leaned further into his chair. "I'll always love Kathy, but I'm more than sure the only reason we decided to try again was because she was pregnant. And here we are in the same position, trying to stay together for Eli. But I'm done," his voice remained calm. Elliot was confident in his last words. This time around had been much different than the last. She had expected for his temper to run short, and his anger to get the best of him. But instead he was sure of himself and what he wanted.

And what he wanted was her.

Years had passed of _what ifs?_ and he had gotten tired of asking himself the same questions.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. If this hadn't happened, then I wouldn't be here with you," she was smiling like an idiot at his words, and as much as she wanted to, she couldn't stop. So she blamed it on the alcohol, because any other time she would've knocked him on the side of his head.

Their conversation had been interrupted by the buzzing of her phone. She reached for it on the table, noticing the caller ID was Alex.

"If this is about the baby shower, I can't tell you anymore details," Olivia answered the phone, assuming she had called again to bother her.

"Liv, I'm positive that my water broke and- and I have no idea what to do!" She knew Alex was trying to sound okay, but her voice had come out frantic and shaky.

"Everything will be fine hun. I'll be there in 20 minutes and we'll go to the hospital. Okay?" Olivia had removed her feet from Elliot's lap, and gotten up to look for her shoes.

"Okay and Liv? Please hurry," she breathed out and hung up the phone.

"Well..Alex might be in labor," Olivia slipped on the flats she had worn over. "Oh god, what if she has this baby tonight? We still have so much to do..Alex is gonna have a baby," She laughed nervously. Olivia was her only family, and she needed for everything to go smoothly for Alex this one time.

"I'll drive you," Elliot stood behind her, placing a hand over her shoulder.

"It's fine El. Really," the last thing she needed was for Alex to see her with Elliot outside of work.

"Please. You're nervous and you've both never gone through this..yet," she drew in her lower lip, debating on letting him drive.

"Let's go," she threw him her keys before turning towards the door.

Tonight had begun with a lot of questions, and surprisingly ended with a few answers. As much as Olivia wanted to deny that anything had happened tonight, she knew it just wasn't true. The small smiles, and light touches may have appeared minor to others. But for Elliot and Olivia tonight had been major.

Years ago he had become curious. Always wondering if he could ever become more to Olivia. He had felt guilty for having the thoughts only a few weeks after separating from Kathy the first time. But now he didn't care.

It had been 12 long years of fighting urges and desires. And now he had grown tired of fighting.

Tonight confirmed Olivia had grown tired too.


	4. The Plan

**Chapter 4**

 **Friday, April 8**

12 hours..

12 hours of agonizing labor with no drugs, the way Alex had planned. Olivia paced the waiting room, remembering how she spent weeks researching for her, making sure they got the birth plan down to a T. The past 12 hours had amazed her, coaching Alex through every contraction that tore through her body, watching her cry out in pain as she worked to bring her baby into this world. Although there had been at least a dozen times Olivia thought Alex would give in and get an epidural, she breathed through the pain as best as she could. Nothing had gone right for Alex. Her plans to focus on her career first, then marriage, and finally a family, had all gone out the window many years ago.

So here she was, having a baby on her own with the only family she had left: Olivia. This was the one plan that she needed to go right for her, the only one. She had become an inconsolable mess when the doctor had come in, and informed her that her labor hadn't been progressing. And that if she continued to wait out her contractions, the baby would become distressed.

But she waited anyway. Alex had held onto the slim chance that her labor would get back on track, and a c-section would not be necessary. It was only an hour after the doctor had come in with the bad news that she had an awful contraction rip through her. One that hadn't been like the others. Her screams had filled the hallway of the 7th floor, alarming every nurse that had been on staff. Olivia had ran into the hallway yelling for a nurse to come help after she noticed the blood staining the linens of the hospital bed. By the time the nurses had reached her room, Alex had already lost consciousness.

This was the only plan that Alex needed to go right.

Only seconds had passed before the nurses had wheeled Alex off to the OR for an emergency c-section. Olivia had been asked to wait outside in the waiting room, with only the reassurance that they would do everything they could to save Alex and the baby.

Olivia paced the halls of the maternity ward, wrenching her hands and biting at her lower lip, a nervous habit she had picked up. Her mind had been running at top speed, giving up on the idea that this would all end well. Because her gut had been tugging at her that it wouldn't. The image of Alex screaming at the top of her lungs in agony had been engrained on her brain. The look in her eyes when she realized that something wasn't right.

"Hey Liv," she turned away from the window she had stopped in front of, and seen Elliot coming down the hall with what she assumed was food he had brought for her.

He was checking up on her.

"Did something happen? What's wrong?" He immediately noticed the redness of her eyes, as she attempted to blink back the tears. Her hair, a tousled mess from constantly running her hands through it.

"Liv **,** " he tugged gently on her forearm bringing her a few steps closer to him, pulling her hands apart from each other. A shiver ran through her body from the contact of his skin on hers. She tried to speak, but the lump in her throat kept her from doing so.

"Come here," he closed the space between them, pulling her in for a hug. She buried her face into the crook of his neck. Dampening his t shirt with her tears. He wrapped both of his arms around her body, pulling her flush against him.

She didn't care. Because for once she was willing to admit that she needed him. Ever since that night he had hugged her after Sonya Paxton had been murdered, she had been craving for his hands to be wrapped around her body just _one_ more time. She remembered the way he smelled, like laundry and an early spring morning. And the way her body had somehow molded perfectly into his still, after not having had held him like this since the day Eli was born. There had been many times after when she ached for him to reach over and pull her into him. Those nights when they worked on difficult cases, and spent days at the precinct with little to no sleep. Or times like today when it felt as though life had come and grabbed her by her neck. That's when she needed this the most.

"The doctors here are some of the best in the city. Whatever happened back there.." his voice faded when he seen the doctor appear at the end of the hall. Olivia lifted her head, but remained in his embrace. She followed his eyes and stiled when she noticed the doctor coming their way.

She had tried her best over the past half hour to prepare herself for the worst, but seeing him walk down the hallway with his head hung low, putting her back at square one. Her chest had begun to feel tight, and she was beginning to question if this was all some horrible nightmare or reality.

" ?" she pulled entirely from Elliot and stood next to him. He placed one hand on her lower waist, only slightly moving his fingers in an effort to sooth her. "We did everything we could to save both Alex and the baby. She had a significant loss of blood once she began to hemorrhage after we started the procedure. We were only able to save the baby-"

"No, Alex was supposed to have baby today. She was supposed to finally become a mother today. You promised to do everything you could. T-this isn't..today was supposed to be a good day. We had a plan!" Olivia had gone from rambling to an inconsolable mess. The tears she often fought to keep at bay, had coated her face making her vision blur.

It _all_ was a blur.

Only hours ago she had been at Alex' side, catering her every need as she breathed through each contraction. Making promises to her that this would all be worth it, because she would get her miracle baby.

But she didn't.

Elliot guided Olivia to take a seat on the chair made big enough to seat two. The doctor exited the waiting room, giving Olivia the time she needed. He held her close to him, rubbing his hand along her backside. There had never been a time when Olivia had allowed for all of her walls to shatter, and allow herself finally just _feel._ Although he'd never seen her in such an emotional state, he knew the best thing to do right now was to just be there for her.

When Olivia had lost her mother only the second year into their partnership, he had kept his distance and allowed for her to grieve the way she wanted. But this time around he was over just letting her deal with it the "Olivia Benson way". Elliot was over keeping a barrier between them just because they were _partners._ Because he was her best friend too.

"Liv?" He whispered once he noticed her breathing had evened out. Not sure if she had actually cried herself to sleep.

"I'll be okay. I always end up okay," she used the sleeve of her sweater to try and wipe away the mascara that had stained her cheeks.

"Where are you going?" Olivia stood up, straightening out her clothes.

"I don't know, I just..what do I do now?" She had gone back to pacing, running both hands through her dark chocolate waves that reached just past her shoulder.

"We go see the baby. Because they need you right now Liv. You're their only family."

 _The baby_

What was she going to do about the baby? _Alex' baby._

Elliot was right.

This baby was left in this world with no one- no one except Olivia.

Elliot grabbed her hand gently, heading towards the elevators without saying another word. He didn't need to. Because he knew if not anything else, this baby was exactly what Olivia said..a miracle.

And he needed for Olivia to see for herself.

The doctors had been gracious enough to give Olivia a private suite in the maternity ward, so she could be alone with the baby. She waited anxiously on the small couch, while Elliot sat next to her. Her mind had a thousand questions racing through her head. So many of them involving the future and where to go from here.

It hadn't hit her until Elliot had reminded her that she had a whole other life to care for now. Olivia knew that this is what Alex would have wanted her to do. They were each other's family. There was no doubt that Olivia would do everything in her willpower to give this baby the life Alex wanted for him..or her.

She could have sworn she had felt her heart drop into the out of her stomach, when the nurses wheeled in their small miracle wrapped in _pink._

"Here she is," the nurse carefully handed the baby over to Olivia. Elliot smiled, making the corners of his eyes crinkle, as he watched how nervous she had been. Taking extra caution as she cradled the baby in her arms. Tears had sprung to her eyes once again **,** a few falling onto the soft pink blanket that swaddled the baby.

"A baby girl..she's _so beautiful_ ," she nearly choked on her own words, becoming overwhelmed with a feeling she couldn't quite describe.

Happiness? Joy? Fear? Sadness?

It felt as if each were attacking her, not giving her body enough time to respond as each emotion hauled itself at her. So allowed herself to cry. To cry tears of joy, of grief..

The room fell into a comfortable silence once the nurse had left. Elliot kept quiet, reveling in the sight before him. _She was a natural._

She showered the baby girl with kisses to her forehead. Breathing in her scent. One she would soon become familiar with.

"She's so beautiful and Alex isn't even here to see her," she cried barely above a whisper. "Your mother already loved you so much," she ran her finger lightly over her features, taking them all in. From the apples of her cheeks, to the slope of her nose. "Elliot, I don't even know the first thing about becoming a mother. I mean..I read a few things here and there for Alex, but I don't even-"

"Olivia stop," he smiled shyly at her. "Do you think Kathy and I had any idea what we were doing when we had Maureen?" He laughed lightly, making the dimple in his left cheek appear. "No matter how many books you read or classes you take, nothing will prepare you 100% for this. You learn as you go..and I'll be here for you. Any time of the night or day I'll try my best," he cupped his hand alongside her face, tangling his finger tips in her hair. "Even if it's 3 am and you need me to come and pace around the room with her, because that's the only way she'll stop crying. Or come by just to have takeout and wine, because you're tired of having one sided conversations that are all baby talk," she managed to smile, leaning into his touch as he used the pad of thumb to wipe away her last few tears. "Olivia, I wanna be your person."

"I-I don't have any words..thank you Elliot," he moved his hand from her hair, and reached into his back pocket for his phone. "What are you doing?"

"Taking a picture," he stood in front of her, kneeling on one leg.

"No no no, I've been crying for hours. I'm a mess," she scolded him, looking away from the camera.

"Candid photos it is," she looked back at him, grinning from ear to ear. Thankful that he was trying his best to be normal with her.

"It's time for a feeding," the nurse had returned with a small bottle of formula, handing it over to Olivia. She her eyes grew wide when she looked over at Elliot, apprehensive about what to do.

"Here, I'll show you," Elliot guided Olivia arms into a more upright position, making the it easier for her to feed. "Just keep the bottle upright, and make sure she's taking the bottle. When she's finished we'll burp her," the baby took the bottle right away, shocking Olivia that she already knew what to do.

"She doesn't even have a name," she laughed lightly. "Alex kept saying she couldn't settle on names for the baby without knowing what they would look like."

"You'll think of one," he placed his arm across the back of the sofa, and rubbed his hand lightly over the baby's head. "In the meantime, let's burp this baby girl."

"Olivia, you can put her down to sleep."

"I know, it's just.. You sure she'll be okay?" Olivia had moved over to the rocker in the corner of the room, and had been holding the sleep baby for over an hour.

"I promise you," he moved from the couch and gently took the baby from her arms to lay her down. "And plus, we need to get some sleep for the long night shift ahead."

"We?" she pointed at herself with a confused look on her face.

"Yeah, we..you didn't think I was going to leave you here alone on your first night? I'm your person, remember?" he grabbed her hand and pulled her up from the chair. "You need to at least _try_ and get some sleep," he pulled back the sheets on the hospital bed, and gently pushed her down. "Lay down Liv," she pushed off her shoes with the heels of her feet and rested her head on the pillows. Instant relief flooded through her body, realizing just how tired she had been.

"Why are you doing this for me?"

"Because.." he laid down on the small sofa, his long legs dangled over the edge.

"Because why, El?" her voice was weak, laced with exhaustion.

"Do you ever let anyone help you?"

"No."

"Hmm, I would've never guessed."

"Good night Elliot," she rolled over on her side facing him. "And El?"

"Yeah Liv?"

"Thank you, again."

"Thank you for letting me be your person."

She didn't think it would, but sleep had somehow allowed itself to come that night. Olivia wasn't exactly sure how to pinpoint her exact feelings or thoughts, other than to say she was unsure. Unsure of what to do next, how to feel, how to _deal._ Losing her mother had been a completely different experience. It was almost as if she were expecting it to happen anytime soon. She wasn't a little girl stuck at home caring for her mother during her drunken binges. And knew she wouldn't be there to protect her mother any longer.

But Alex was the polar opposite.

Olivia's mother had left behind money and a few assets, but Alex had left behind another life. One that she would have to care for and be strong for.

A life she had to make sure she didn't mess up.


	5. First Night

**Chapter 5**

 **Saturday, April 9**

The next morning Olivia had been hit incredibly hard with the realization that her life had done a complete 360. Every time she looked over at the baby girl, a sense of joy overwhelmed her. Thankful that the baby had made it through this tragedy. But she couldn't help the grief and heartache that tugged at her, when she realized her best friend wouldn't be around to witness the miracle she had made.

Fortunately, Olivia had gotten the support from everyone at the 1-6. Everyone including their other ADA, Casey, who had worked overnight gathering the paperwork Olivia needed to take the baby home this afternoon. It scared her more than anything when the doctor had come in early this morning, and informed her that the baby was more than ready to finally come home.

 _Home_

Her apartment hadn't been anywhere close to being suitable for a baby to sleep tonight. Everything she would ever need was at Alex' place, but she couldn't fathom stepping foot in there. Not this soon.

"Are you going to open your eyes for me baby?" Olivia cooed softly while she changed her diaper. "Baby blues..just like your mother," she bit at her lower lip as she smiled. Trying to avoid anymore tears. Not today.

"Fresh coffee," Elliot had appeared at the door, with a coffee tray in one hand and a Togo bag in the other.

"I thought you were taking Eli to school, and then going to work for a few hours?" He sat the items on the small coffee table, and handed Olivia her coffee. She graciously took it while the baby laid between both her legs on the bed.

"I did but after I dropped him off Captain called and told me to stay and help you for the day," he opened the paper bag and revealed the bagel he had gotten for her. Lightly toasted and buttered. "Not sure if you're hungry, but I got ya a lil somethin."

"I'm not really hungry," she kindly dismissed him, and thankfully he didn't pick an argument with her for not eating. "We're supposed to get discharged around 1.." she tugged at the hat on the baby's head, making sure her ears had been covered.

"What do you think about that?"

"I think I'm scared shitless and have absolutely no idea what to do once we get to my place. I don't even have a crib."

"Don't worry about that. I've got it covered," he said nonchalantly and took a sip from his coffee.

"No El, I don't want you going out of your way for us. Whatever you plan to do stop it right now," he laughed. "What's so funny?" She cocked an eyebrow at him.

"You..I'm not _going_ out of my way, and I'm definitely not going anywhere. Plus it's already been done," he said in a dismissive tone. Letting her know the fight had already been losted. "You think of any names yet?"

"I've been staring at her for the past hour trying to make a decision. Alex had a list she had been going through.." she had made a list of boy and girl names, but had been so indecisive. Only narrowing down to 5 for each a few weeks ago. "I've sorta been leaning more towards Cecilia. As much as she acted like she couldn't settle on a name. I always knew that one was her favorite," Elliot had smiled from ear to ear, showing the smallest bit of his teeth.

"Don't laugh at me. What's wrong with Cecilia?" she had searched for something near her to throw at him. No such luck.

"Nothing. I just never would have thought you'd pick a name like that."

"Yeah well your shit eating grin says otherwise," he came over to stand next to the bed, peering over Cecilia.

"No, I think it's perfect," he placed his index finger in her palm, smiling when she wrapped around it. "What made you pick Cecilia?"

"I don't know. Alex always liked old lady names. It was either that or Eleanor."

"Well then I'm glad you picked Cecilia. You only need one El in your life," he gently cradled her in his arms and walked around the room with her.

Olivia watched his every move, almost in a daze. She wondered how a man who was normally so rough and rugged, could be so gentle and patient at the same time. He turned to his back to her, facing the window, swaying back and forth as Cecilia fell back into a deep sleep.

Her eyes ventured down his body, over his shoulders, his toned back. And she wondered how good it would feel to dig her nails into his skin, with him nestled between her thighs as he drove deep into-

"You like the view Detective Benson?" She jumped ever so slightly, blushing at her thoughts that had surfaced. And she hated herself for it.

"Yeah I do. A big ass to go along with that big head of yours."

"You know you love it," he laid Cecilia down and to Liv's surprise, he kissed the top of her forehead. She didn't know why Elliot had been so interested in helping her, or why he made it his duty to be "her person". But she decided that she was tired of asking questions, and would let this take its own course.

"How about I go run a few errands, and I'll be back before you all are released today. Okay?" she nodded and smiled.

"I know it's been less than 24 hours, but you're doing great Liv. You're gonna be a great mom to Cecilia."

"But I'm not her-"

"Yeah, you are. As she grows up you'll teach her everything about her mother, and remind her everyday how much she loved her. But _you_ are her mom. And that's all she'll see you as," he gave her hand a small squeeze. "Now try and get some sleep before we have to leave."

"Hi sweet angel," Olivia had finished buttoning the grey onsie, after changing what felt like the one hundredth diaper today. "I can't believe it's our first night together," she swaddled Cecilia before snuggling her close. Olivia couldn't help but laugh at herself, when she found herself taking in her scent once again. Never did she think the smell of a newborn baby would become her favorite.

"I'm sure your mama will be watching over you tonight too," as much as she wanted to sit with her all night, holding her close while she slept. Olivia knew she had a lot to figure out tonight. One of them being how she was going to approach being a mother to Cecilia.

"Are you going to sleep good for me tonight?" She spoke softly as she laid her down in the all white bassinet next to her bed- the one Elliot had gone out and bought for her.

When they had stepped foot into her apartment several hours, there had been gift bags lined up along her wall, full of almost everything she would need for the next few months. Onesies, hats, grooming kits, blankets, and bottles. Elliot, Fin, and Munch had gone out a bought all of these things when he had left to run his _errands_. She didn't know how they knew what exactly to buy, but she had an inkling that Casey had helped.

Everything had been happening so quickly, that she didn't really have time to process what had happened over the past two days. And she didn't want to.

She had been stuck feeling overwhelmed that motherhood had finally come to her..but at what cost?

So she decided it would best to busy herself, and organize everything that had been gifted to her today. Reverting back to her normal way of _dealing._

Out of habit she had gone into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine. But had shortly poured it down the drain. Remembering that she had a prolonged night ahead, feeding Cecilia nearly every two hours.

 _This was her life now_

A life without Alex.

Olivia hardly considered herself to be a "normal" woman. She didn't have girlfriends who she went out with on weekends, or planned spa days with. Every relationship she had lasted less than 6 months. The only constant she had had over the past decade. But then came Alex.

Alex understood that sometimes work had to come first before anything else. That staying at home and drinking a beer had been more enjoyable, than going out after working 18 hour days, 5 days a week. She didn't expect for them to spend hours shopping, or gossiping. Alex knew when Olivia needed space after a tough case, and didn't take offense like her previous friends had.

A tear had slipped and she quickly flicked it away. And instead, she went on to finish folding the small onesies and outfits, and placed them in the drawer she had cleared out for Cecilia. Staying busy and focusing on what would be best for Cecilia, is what she would bury herself in for as long as she could.

It was almost as if someone had heard her prayers when she heard a light knock at her door. She didn't need to ask who it was, because she knew exactly who had been stopping by.

"El, I thought I told you to go home and get some sleep," she swung the door open. Forgetting she had only worn a pair of leggings and a low cut tank top. He had made no effort to hide that he had noticed too. She motioned for him to come in, holding a pillow to her chest once they settled on the couch. Slightly embarrassed of her appearance around him for once.

"I had spent a few hours with Eli this evening, and decided to stop by here on my way home to check on you," he folded one leg under him, and rested his elbow on back of the couch.

"A phone call would've sufficed," she picked at piece of lint on Elliot's jeans, right where his knee had been bent.

"I needed to _see_ that you were okay. And plus, I was hoping that Cecilia would be up," he smirked at her, the different specks of blue in his eyes reflecting in the light.

"Oh really?" he nodded. She smiled small and let out a light laugh. "And what about me?"

"I guess seeing you made my night a little bit better too," he played along. His hand lightly wrapped around hers that had been on his knee, running his thumb along each finger.

"I told myself that I wouldn't ask any questions, and just let whatever this is play out between us. But what exactly _is_ happening between us?" her voice wasn't demanding, or scared, or even irritated. Instead filled with curiosity. She wanted to let things just happen between them for once. Allow herself to let the walls she often forced up, come down. But she was beginning to close back up. Nervous about not only the feelings that had begun to surface, but the attraction too.

"Something that I think should have happened years ago," her eyes had grown wide, slightly panicked by his choice of words. "I mean..look Liv. I don't wanna try and define whatever _this_ is. And I don't want to pressure you into anything while you're dealing with.." he paused and took both of her hands in his. "You can't tell me that there isn't, and there _hasn't_ been anything between us. I feel like we're finally at a point where we can stop pushing back those _urges,_ and see where they lead us," he had been struggling with his words, she knew he wasn't one to express how he had felt. But appreciated his efforts more than anything.

"Okay," she breathed out as if she had been holding her breath the entire time.

"Okay?"

"Okay," the look in her warm chocolate eyes had confirmed everything that he needed to know, and didn't question her any further. They were both aware that deciding to be more than _just_ partners could lead to a wrong turn, and destroy everything between them. But they also knew nothing between them was ever planned, or predictable.

So for now they would let what is this is just _be._ He would be her partner, her best friend, her person, and whatever else she allowed him to be.


	6. Confirmation

**Chapter 6**

 **Friday, April 15**

"6 am on the dot," Olivia had woken up to the soft cries of Cecilia, letting her know it was time for a feeding. "Good morning, my love," Olivia snuggled her close, a routine she had started to do every morning. Her cries had soon stopped, becoming comforted by the warm tone of Olivia's voice. She swiftly changed her diaper, and replaced her onesie with a new one that was light pink with puppies on the feet. Only a week had passed, but they had fallen into a rhythm that varied from time to time.

Cragen had given Olivia the normal amount of time off any mother would get for maternity leave, not accepting no as an answer. She had been left a bit uneasy about having an entire 12 weeks off from work. But had been enlightened by idea of being able to spend each moment with Cecilia.

In the short time that she had been with her, Olivia had already noticed how much she looked like Alex. That she preferred her bottle to be warmed just the smallest bit or she wouldn't drink it. Or that when she hummed to her, Cecilia fell back asleep just a little bit easier.

She had become fascinated by the copious amount of love she had felt for her, in such a short amount of time. That she would be willing to give up everything, if it meant having Cecilia in her life.

Olivia had made a bottle in record time, and stretched out across the leather sofa for a feeding. She took this time everyday to simply just watch in awe, letting the quietness of her apartment surround them, while the city had awoken and the sun began to rise.

Her phone had buzzed in the pocket of her robe, alerting her that she had received a text message. The screen lit up once she hit the home key, and she couldn't help the smile that grew on her face when she seen it was from Elliot. It had been an insane week at the precinct, and left hardly any time for him to stop by like he had been wanting to.

 _Let me cook u dinner 2nite?_

 _Make me that baked ziti again, and its a plan_

 _Deal. See you around 7_

It had only been 5 days since she had seen him, but she couldn't deny how eager she had been for him to come by.

She missed him.

Olivia had spent nearly 6 months away from him when she left to go undercover in Oregon. The circumstances had been much more different back then. Their partnership had been strained for months, and distance was something that they needed. However, being in such close proximity to each other had suddenly become something that she craved.

Although they had understood it would be best if they took everything slowly, her feelings had a hard time slowing down their own pace. It scared her..to suddenly miss him, to crave him, to want him around just because. She hadn't ever really experienced the feeling of wanting to be with someone. And as much as she wanted to spend every night wrapped in his arms, warmed by his body heat. Waking up the next morning, spending a few extra minutes in bed because she hated the feeling of him not being on her. Or spend most nights sleepless, and making love instead, just to wake up with his scent imprinted on her and an ache between her legs. But she wouldn't care because the idea of having him inside of her, being _his_ , made her his in a way that no one else could be.

Now _that_ scared her.

"I think the girls are starting to catch on that there's someone else in my life," Olivia and Elliot sat on her living room floor, eating at the coffee table instead tonight. She loved every minute that she had gotten to spend with Celicia, but was thankful that she had been sleeping through dinner.

"Why do you think that?" her elbow rested on the edge of the sofa, while her hand rested in her hair.

"Apparently I _smelled_ a bit more feminine when we grabbed lunch last weekend with Mo and Kathleen," as much as he tried to play it cool when the girls had made that statement, the boyish grin that plastered across his face gave it all away. He had left Olivia's that morning and gone straight to lunch after sleeping next her on the sofa. They had dozed off during a movie, something that become expected. His back hurt like hell afterwards, but he loved the idea of the smell of her lingering on _him._

"Do you think they'll be okay with _us_?"

"They love you Olivia..they really do. But I think the idea of their father loving another woman will be a difficult thing to accept."

Another woman.

Which meant any women that wasn't their mother..Kathy. Shit.

"Don't panic Olivia," she hated him because he could read her so well. "We'll be okay. We'll _all_ be okay. You gotta stop thinking that everything you touch is gonna turn sour," he brushed her bangs away from her face.

"Okay," she smiled small. Olivia trusted him, and he knew that.

"What made you want my world famous baked ziti?" he changed the subject, reverting back their playful banter.

"I don't know about world famous.." she smirked and took a sip from her water. "But that night had gone so well until..anyway, I was thinking that we could pick up where we left off," she blushed slightly at her words. She wanted more, she was ready, but actually moving forward on her thoughts had felt..different.

"Oh yeah?" he smiled shyly and pulled her feet into his lap like he had before. "My table is kind of small, I think we were a little bit closer," he gently pulled her closer to him, making both her legs cross over his.

"I think so too," her voice had been shaky, as her breathing picked up. She moved in closer, making the tips of their noses touch, their lips only millimeters apart. Her fingers moved over the stubble that had grown on his face, and stared into his oceanic eyes for confirmation.

Confirmation that they were going to move a few more steps toward whatever _this_ was.

For once she stopped thinking, and instead acted on touch, ache, and _desire._ She had grown tired of just imagining what he would taste like. If he would close his eyes when he kissed her, or drink in all her features and keep them open. Or if she would be stuck with the taste of him on her lips, no matter how hard she tried to rid herself of it.

Elliot closed the space between them, nudging her chin forward with his thumb and index finger. He softly entwined his lips with hers, tasting the chapstick she had applied. Was it strawberry? Cherry? He didn't know, and he didn't care. It had been an indescribable feeling. A mixture of fire and ice, that made his chest constrict to the point where he wasn't sure if the heat of the kiss was physically hurting him.

He pulled her onto his lap by her waist, placing each thigh on the outside of his. His tongue ran alongside her lower lip, asking permission and grateful for her approval. It wasn't a fight for dominance or control, but languid and gentle. He had swore he heard a moan escape from her throat, which shot straight to his groin. His hands moved from her waist, up along her backside underneath the oversized tshirt she wore. Her skin had felt like silk under the pads of his fingers, the heat of his touch searing into her.

"Olivia," he choked out, warning in his tone as she tugged on the hem of his shirt. They had both agreed, patience would be key. But he knew the moment any piece of clothing was shed, all bets would be off. Elliot pulled away from her lips, kicking himself for somehow finding the strength to do so, but also proud that he had been the one to.

She wiped the corners of her mouth, her lips left swollen. They had both remained silent, their breathing being the only sound filling the room. She sat still, her forehead rested against his.

"You're gonna be the death of me someday," Elliot quickly kissed her before she pulled away from him, laughing softly. A cry over the monitor caused her to get up completely, to go tend to Cecilia.

Years of curiosity had led up this, and a wave of relief had flooded over him.

He wanted more. She wanted more. They both _wanted_ more.

Tonight had confirmed that.


	7. Sorry

**Wednesday, April 27**

"Hey baby love," Olivia caressed the side of Cecilia's face with her index finger. She leaned over the all white crib, tendrils of her hair falling forward, framing around Cecilia's head. Her baby blues danced as Olivia spoke sweet nothings to her.

She scooped her gently into her arms, holding her over her shoulder, rubbing soft circles on her back. After almost three weeks, Olivia had finally cleared out her extra room that she used as an office, and started to create a nursery. With Elliot's help this past weekend, they had put together a crib, small dresser, and gliding rocker, shifting her life a slight bit more.

She couldn't describe it, but having Elliot around to help her was..nice. She never pondered on it for too long, but the dramatic shift in their partnership had left her speechless. Her thoughts of ever being more to Elliot were always quickly diminished by the fact that he was married, and that he was her _partner._ Nothing more. Nothing less.

Olivia doesn't know what changed. What has made them both so fearless and carefree about this. Allowing for everything to just _be._ Not stressing about labels, and work, and kids. But simply exploring and learning one another outside of work.

So she tried not to think too deeply about it. Making a promise to herself that she wouldn't run. She had spent what felt like centuries, thinking about how his hands would feel on her skin, or how her body would react with his lips on hers. She'd finally gotten a taste of what that felt like, and she wasn't going to ruin this.

She laid Cecilia in her plush swing, setting the speed to low, hoping she could get a few things done before Elliot came by in a few hours. This was his weekend with the kids, and he had them clear up until Monday morning to take them to school. Making it damn near impossible to spend anytime with Olivia. So he picked today to physically make time for her, sacrificing a few hours of sleep to stop by her place to see her.

Olivia managed to get a few loads of laundry done, wash a few dishes, and work on a few things in the nursery before Cecilia's next feeding. After finally getting her back to sleep, she had showered and gotten slightly dressed, throwing on a pair of leggings and a fitted black tee. It was almost 8, and Elliot had finally made it over, bringing dinner along with him.

She opened the door with Cecilia nestled closely to her, unable to hide how elated she had been to see him.

"I'm glad you made it," she said quietly, closing the door behind him with her free hand.

"I hope you're hungry," he placed the bags of food he had on the coffee table, and reached out towards Olivia.

"I'll watch the baby, and _you_ go eat," he didn't give her anytime to answer, and gently tugged Cecilia from her arms.

"Elliot you just worked all day at the station, you don't have to-" he kissed her softly, and quick to get her to stop talking.

"But the thing is..I want to," she smiled, biting on her lower lip. She still wasn't used to it, and she didn't think she ever would be.

She sighed and took the bags of food with her into the kitchen, filling a plate with lo mein and grabbed a beer from the fridge. Her body shuddered when she felt the warmth of Elliot's hands wrap around her from behind. He rested his chin on her shoulder, placing soft butterfly kisses right below her ear. Her hands ran over his that were at her waist, rubbing his with her thumb.

"I missed you," he spun her around to face him, pulling her close. His kisses trailed from her neck, up along her jawline, finding her lips, and nipping at them softly.

"You're in an awfully good mood," her voice dropped, a smile spreading across her face. A laugh rumbled deep inside him, his body vibrating against hers.

"I can't miss you?"

"Just something I gotta get used to," she pulled him flush against her, embracing as much of his toned body as she could. She tucked her head into the crook of his neck, running her hands along his back. "I missed you too."

Elliot had only planned to stay for a few hours, but found himself not wanting to leave so soon. He sat on the opposite end of the sofa, placing Olivia's feet in his lap. Everything flowed easily between them. Their conversations went on for hours, talking about nothing in particular. But it was moments like _these_ that she indulged in the most.

Proximity had become necessary.

"How much longer do I have to wait to take you on a date?"

"A date? We don't-"

"Yeah, but we should," her eyes were low, exhausted from the day. "Nothing fancy. Just dinner.,"

" _Just_ dinner? What if we see someone we know? And who's gonna watch the baby?" Her tone had been lazy, yawning the last part.

"Relax Liv..I was thinking Mo could watch her, and we could go to that little hole in the wall you love," she smiled almost from ear to ear, her eyes completely closed.

"Mo? As in your daughter Maureen, who has no idea we're even.."

"We're even what?" He smirked at her, his dimple making an indent on his cheek.

"Don't be an asshole," she nudged him in his side with her foot. "You know what I'm trying to say!"

"That we're two people who may or may not be dating, but we've never actually gone out on an actual date?" If she wasn't so tired, she'd kick his ass right here in her living room.

"We'll go on a date _only_ if you let me pick the sitter. I don't think I'm ready to tell your kids. And plus..you're technically still married so.."

"So? Does that bother you? I told you the divorce will be final in two weeks-"

"It doesn't, I'm just..I'm not ready to deal with kids and ex wives and work before any of that is settled."

"The kids might need a little time to accept this. But they knew their parents weren't happy, that a divorce would be coming soon. And Kathy..her opinion doesn't matter-," her eyes that were once lazy and low, widened at how nonchalant he was being.

"It doesn't matter? Elliot, she's the mother of your kids, it's always going to matter.." She removed her feet from his lap, sitting up entirely. "10/9 she's going to absolutely hate the idea of me being more than your partner. And..what if she thinks this was planned. That it's been happening for years?" And there was her word vomit. It was a thing. Definitely a thing.

"Kathy knows I would _never_ cheat on her. I've done a lot of fucked up things Olivia, but never that-" he knew she had her doubts, and had been expecting this sooner or later. He was hoping for later. "Don't start doing this."

"Doing what?" Her eyebrows furrowed.

"Trying to pinpoint everything that could go wrong, so that you can run!" he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Clasping his hands together until his knuckles had turned white. This was his frustration with her, but he was willing to overlook this flaw. Truly believing that she would at least _try_.

"Jesus Christ Elliot, I'm not going to run! We aren't the same people we were six years ago. There won't be any running to Oregon, or spending months barely saying two words to each other," Olivia pulled his hand to her lips, placing a kiss where his knuckles had turned red. "We're both risking pretty much everything. But if that means that after spending years fighting against the feelings I've always had for you- if that means that I get to be _with you.._ " Her voice had faded, straining from trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill over. "So I'm sorry Elliot. I'm sorry for falling in love with you so easily and needing you more then I'm willing to admit. I'm sorry for being so _fucking_ scared because I'm finally letting you in and-" she stopped. Her chest rose and fell rapidly, suddenly feeling tight, and overwhelmed. This wasn't something they did. Hell- it wasn't something _she_ did.

But she did it anyway. Olivia wasn't sure if anything she said had made sense, but she knew somewhere in there he would know how she felt. That she wasn't running. Not now. Not ever. Not after spending what felt like a lifetime, hiding a love she had for him from the very start.

"I said too much-" she moved to get up, flustered with herself. He pulled her hand, slightly forcing her to sit back down. Her back fell against his chest, and he took the opportunity to wrap himself around her. Burying his face in her soft brown waves that fell over her shoulders. His lips made contact with her neck, placing a light kiss here and there, holding her close.

"Liv.." his breath was warm against her skin. She fell into his embrace, releasing a deep breath she had been holding in. "Don't..be sorry. I should be- I need to be more patient with you. I won't push anymore. You can call all the shots," she laughed lightly, running her hands over his at her abdomen. She was relieved he hadn't zoned in on her confessing that she loved him

"Already whipped I see."

"I have been for a lot longer than I let you believe," he fired back. And just like that they had fallen back into their rhythm.

"Did we just have our first fight?"

"I think so..but normally they end in angsty make up sex," she nudged him in his side with the back of her elbow. "Ow! I'm kidding Liv," she turned her head to look up at him, and pecked his lips.

"I'm sleepy El," Her eyes glassy from the exhaustion gnawing at her body. She had suddenly appeared small, and almost needy. Her face was an image he'd burn into his memory and never forget. Much like that night she had fallen asleep on him at his place.

"Is that your way of telling me to get out now?" He grinned.

"Come lay with me," his body stiffened, wondering how they'd gone from taking things slow to him sleeping next to her..in _her_ bed. "Come on El. I promise no tricks," she broke from his embrace, and grabbed his hand without question, guiding him down the hallway.

"C is in her crib for now," she pushed the dark wood door open, making Elliot tense up once more.

All these years and he had never even once gone past the kitchen. It was too dangerous. Too risky. The thought of being in her room, in _her_ bed had shot straight to his libido. He felt like a complete asshole.

 _No tricks Stabler_

Her room had been much like how he had imagined: simple. The bed was large, king sized maybe, with a plush grey comforter and too many pillows to count. He remembered having to throw them off the bed every night when he was with Kathy, and wondered if all women did that? The two large windows gave just enough light from the city to avoid turning on any lights. Her floors had been wooden, and surprisingly warm against his bare feet. Remembering the air had probably been turned down to keep Cecilia warm.

He smiled when he seen the bassinet he had bought for her almost a month ago, right next to where she slept. Olivia pulled back the comforter, and thrown the pillows on the bench at the end of the bed.

"Lay down Elliot. I won't bite..at least not tonight," she winked at him before nestling herself between the sheets. She smiled when she felt the bed shift from the weight of him, and turned on her side, resting her head on his chest. Her leg crossed over his, barely above his knee, while her hand ran along his abdomen. Almost out of habit, he ran his hand over her hair, lulling her to sleep.

"If you keep doing that, I can't stay over here tonight," he placed his hand over hers that ran across his stomach. She laughed and kissed him once more before finally dozing off. He had stayed awake a few moments longer, just to watch her sleep. He imagined it being like this every night for them in the future. The comforting feel of her body against his, the sound of the feather light breaths she would take, calming him to sleep.

The thought of _this_ being normal for them, brought on a feeling of relief for him. Knowing that he wouldn't dread having to come home, because he knew Olivia would be there waiting for him with Cecilia. He loved his children dearly, and Kathy too- he always would, but going to a broken home every night left him uneasy.

Before closing his eyes, he said a silent prayer, asking for guidance and patience. He had done a lot of things- bad things out of rage or because of his temper. It wasn't news to Olivia, she had seen him at his absolute worse, and had been there to clean the wounds on his knuckles after he'd finished a round of punching the lockers. But he wanted things to be different between them from now on.

And he knew he'd have to do a lot more praying if he wanted that to happen.

 **Sorry for the late update. Life and it's funny ways of being difficult has kind of hit me hard. Luckily, Mariska taking shots out of Grammys helped drag me out of my funk for a bit ;)**


	8. Next Step

**Tuesday, May 10**

Today Olivia had taken Cecilia to her one month check up, making it the first time she went out with the baby by herself. Elliot insisted that he come along with her like he had twice beforehand, but Olivia gave him a stern no. Thankful for everything he had been doing over the past month, but deciding that it was time for her to try and do things on her own. Since the first day she arrived home with the baby, Elliot had been the one running to the store for her, and getting everything she needed. But now it was time for her to learn to do things on her own.

After shooting her text messages all morning, making sure her and the baby made it to the appointment okay. She gave in and agreed to meet him for a late lunch not too far from the pediatric office. The heat from the weekend had let up, today proving to be almost perfect. Both of them deciding on a table on the patio.

It had been weeks since Olivia had gotten the slightest bit dressed, and years since Elliot had seen her in anything but black slacks. She had worn a cream colored sundress, the top layer of it being a thin lace material. A few inches of her dress laced up to the top, making a small bow at the top swell of her breasts. His wondering eyes didn't go unnoticed, catching his eyes straying away from the baby and over to her. She didn't say anything and instead laughed to herself, happy that he _at least_ liked the dress.

"How's our-the baby doing?" He held Cecilia over his shoulder, patting her back lightly trying to coax her to sleep. She tried her best to look over his slight slip up, biting her bottom lip trying to avoid the smile threatening to spread over her face. Olivia thought it was sweet how much he loved Cecilia and cared for her. She liked to think of her as being their baby. Not meaning he should take on the role of a father to Cecilia. But be able to share the love she knows they _both_ have for her. Elliot had been there the day she had been born and also the day that she had lost her mother- Olivia losing her best friend. And ever since then he had quite literally been her rock and strength. Helping her take on the role of motherhood, while also grieving the loss of a friend.

Elliot was her person.

"The doctor says she's doing well. She's gaining a healthy amount of weight, and checked out alright on her physical. She's perfect!" She sat across from him beaming with pride. Over the moon that the doctor had proven her self conscious mind wrong. That she was a _good mother._

"That's amazing Liv. You survived your first month," he lifted the baby with both hands, holding her in front of him towards his chest. Giving her soft kisses to her cheeks. "And you've been so good for your mama!" She couldn't explain why, but for some reason she felt the urge to cry. Olivia knew she was Cecilia's mother. Maybe not biological, but she wouldn't know her as anything else really. And to hear it out loud..it was a new feeling. One that she cautiously embraced.

"I seen you two walk in a few moments ago, and I couldn't believe what a gorgeous family you are!" An older white haired lady had walked up to their table, cane in hand. She smiled nearly from ear to ear as she looked between Elliot, Olivia, and the baby. "And she even has her father's baby blues. Ugh, so precious!" Olivia had tried to speak up, but Elliot had beat her to the punch.

"Thank you ma'am. She's certainly brought a great amount of joy into our lives," Olivia's eyebrows knitted together in confusion, shocked to hear him playing along.

"God bless you two!" She gave Elliot's shoulder a light squeeze and continued to see herself out the restaurant.

"What was that?" panic obvious in the tone of her voice.

"Oh come on Liv. Did you see how delighted she was to see us? Playin' along wasn't hurting her..or you," he gave a small smirk and continued to shower Cecilia with love and affection.

She loathed herself for smiling like such an idiot and blushing at his words. Sometimes she would catch herself imagining what life would have been like if they had taken a chance the first time he and Kathy separated. Seeing Elliot in her apartment, sitting on her sofa and holding Cecilia..it made her wonder if this would have been them years ago.

"Uh huh," she shuffled through her menu. "It's almost 1, but I think I want pancakes. Will you share with me?" this was Olivia. Ignoring the obvious, but he loved her for it and played along.

"Only if they're blueberry," he nestled the baby close the him, her eyes fluttering shut as sleep claimed her.

"Deal."

"Liv?" He croaked out.

"Yeah?"

He had gone back to work that afternoon, only to end up missing her for the rest of the day. As soon as he'd clocked out, Elliot made his way to Olivia's. Craving to be laid underneath the warmth of her body tonight. He had done this quite frequently since that first night she had asked him to stay. To sleep with her.

She felt the same exact way, and dreaded the nights when he couldn't stay.

So now, she lay her head on his chest, her legs entangled with his. Hardly able to keep her eyes open as he gently ran his fingers through her hair.

"The other day Mo came by my place for dinner, and she found the sweater you left a few weeks ago.."

"Uh oh," to his surprise she giggled, her eyes still closed as she continued to lay there.

"Uh oh is right. She asked if I was seriously seeing someone, and when I said no she held it up with the biggest shit eating grin on her face," his voice was light, remembering how much of a dead giveaway his face was.

"You didn't tell her it was mines did you?" She lifted her head to look into his eyes.

"You know how you have a slight case of word vomit? Well turns out I do too."

"You're kidding me. Maureen knows about us?" She went to punch him in the chest, when he caught her wrist before she could strike him. Instead, he pinned her arm above her head, flipping her onto her back. Half of his weight resting on her, while he hovered over her body.

"Ya know..I'm gettin real tired of you using me as your punching bag," his voice was honeyed, a smile across his face. "When I told her it was you that I was seeing- the smile she had on her face had been one that I hadn't seen in awhile. Maureen loves you Olivia, all of my kids do."

"She's not upset?"

"Not one bit, and you know what else?" he let go her arm he had pinned down, and cupped the side of her face, the tips of his fingers tangling in her hair. "She wants us all to have dinner this weekend."

"Just us three?"

"And Cecilia too," she laughed.

"I'm assuming this is because she has a lot of questions?"

"I'm sure she will, but I _also_ think it's because she wants to just simply see you Liv. And meet the baby," she managed to give him a small smile. She knew he was just trying his best to help her feel better about this. Her apprehension about all of this didn't go unnoticed, but he was willing to give her the push she needed to agree. Elliot knew that Maureen had nothing but good intentions when she suggested this, and felt that it would be a great way to break the ice. And ease Olivia's fears with moving forward in their relationship.

"It'll just be a quiet dinner at my place..I'll even cook for you," he added. Hoping to sway her decision with his charm. She bit her bottom lip to stifle a laugh, and reached up to caress the side of his face. The pad of her fingers scratching against his stubble.

"The things I do for you," she nipped at the corner of his mouth.

"I'll take that as a yes?"

"Just give me a day, and we'll be there," the corners of his mouth lifted as he kissed her goodnight, and returned to the position they were in moments ago.

He wanted to tell her he loved her. He really did. But he was holding onto whatever they had finally got going now, and didn't want to destroy that. Elliot knew how much Olivia was trying not to let her thoughts overpower her mind, and distract herself from the great things happening right in front of her. And he had been thankful for it each day. His love for her had never come into question, and he had hoped she knew that. Even on her most insecure days he had anticipated that she would remember, and never doubt how committed he was to _her._

So for now, as much as he despised it he would set that crushing feeling to tell her aside. And continue to be patient with her- through her bouts of stubbornness and episodes of discovering everything that could go wrong..he would wait for her. And if he had to hold out for another six months from now or another six years from now, he would. Because if it meant he got to spend the rest of his life laid next to her every night, it would be worth the wait.


	9. Unspoken Shorthand

**Friday, May 13**

Olivia Benson had spent the past twelve years being seen as nothing more than Elliot Stabler's partner. She had come to a few family dinners, a birthday party every now and then, and had even been there for the birth of Eli. Was that planned? Not exactly, but she had always just filled the shoes of a family friend- their father's partner.

It was only 6 months ago when Olivia had come over for their New Year's party, and around 3 months since Elliot had told her about his impending divorce. Now she found herself filling a different set of shoes over the past 5 weeks- Elliot's girlfriend.

She hated the term more than anything, but that's what she was. His girl, the woman he was seeing, E) all of the above.

In less than an hour she would be having dinner with his eldest daughter, Maureen. And she had been thinking about it ever since that night he had asked her to come over. Maureen had always been sweet, respectful, and wise beyond her years, but the fear of rejection still sat at the back of her mind.

She remembered a few years ago when Dickie had accused her of sleeping with Elliot right in front of not only him, but their captain too. She remembered how disgusted she felt with herself. How she wondered if Elliot's own son questioned the depths of their partnership, did everyone else around them too? Every now and then she had heard the rumors, but had always brushed them off. But after being accused by her own partners son, she had doubted everything. Including Maureen's approval of their relationship.

"Mo will be here in-" Elliot had entered into his room where Olivia had been finishing getting dressed, with Cecilia laid across his shoulder after having finished burping her. "You look.."

"Don't-" she stood in front of the full length mirror on the wall of his room, putting the finishing touches on her hair.

"Insanely beautiful," ignoring her request, he walked over to where she stood, leaning down slightly to place a kiss on her temple. "It's just something about this color on your skin," he turned to face the mirror, drinking in how great she looked in white. The long sleeved shift dress that she wore hung loosely to her curves. The soft fabric hardly clutching to her, and cutting slightly low in the front. She wore a pair of dark brown wedges that brought her up to eye level with him, and her hair had been tucked back into a loose bun, only a few tendrils of hair hanging loose.

"Maureen should be here soon," she reached over and gently took the baby from his arms, deflecting each comment he made. Olivia appreciated his effort to make her feel special, but didn't need him fawning over her.

"Are you ever gonna let me just give you a compliment?"

"Probably not.." She looked over her shoulder as she walked out, a sly smile creeping upon her face.

"That was Mo. She's on her way up," Elliot had ended the call after emerging from the kitchen, a beer in hand. Olivia sat across the room on the end of the sectional with her feet tucked under her, nursing a glass of wine. She took a deep breath and stood up, anxiously waiting for that knock on the door.

In just that short 30 seconds before Maureen had arrived outside the apartment door, she had begun to weigh out her options in her head. Contemplating if running would have been easier than dealing with the possibility of rejection. Olivia loved Elliot, she had realized that years beforehand, and had been willing to deal with whatever obstacle came with moving forward with him. But his children had been a touchy subject for her. She had seen them grow up over the past decade, and had developed a small amount of love each of them. The last thing that she wanted was to destroy whatever ounce of a relationship with them that she had.

"Olivia!" Maureen squealed, brushing past her father to embrace her. She had knocked into Olivia, almost causing her wine to spill over. Olivia wasn't completely sure if she should wrap her arms around her and return the gesture, or continue to stand there frozen. She embraced the young woman back, grateful that she was happy to see her.

"Maureen, let her breath," Elliot had locked the door behind them.

"Sorry Liv, I just haven't seen you in a long time, and when dad told me that you two were finally together I just-" she was speaking at nearly a mile a minute.

"Honey, it's okay," Olivia cut her off, a small laugh escaping. This had gone the complete and total opposite of what she had imagined in her head. "It's good to see you too," she ran her hand along her back, giving her a small smile.

"When dad told me that you were the woman that he was seeing, I must admit I wasn't even the least bit shocked, Liv. It's you, it's always been you," she wasn't quite sure where this was coming from. Olivia could feel her heart nearly shoot out of her chest.

 _It's always been you_

She could only hope that the other Stabler children would be as accepting of this as Maureen.

"So Liv," they had managed to settle down for dinner shortly after Maureen had arrived, both Olivia and Maureen shocked that the meal Elliot had cooked was actually good. Conversation had gone over smoothly, the topic mainly consisting of school and work related things. "What exactly are you and my dad?" Olivia glanced over at Elliot, who had his chin resting in the palm of his hand, waiting to see how she would answer.

The only problem was, she didn't exactly have one.

"Um," she took a gulp from her wine glass, trying to buy herself some time. "Right now it's..complicated. We're not really worried about a label really, but we are definitely together," she looked over at Elliot, who had been smiling at her. He laced her fingers in his, giving her a small squeeze to reassure her everything was okay.

"I honestly never thought I would see the day," Maureen said. "I know that mom and dad loved each other, but it didn't take us long to realize they wouldn't be together much longer-"

"Maureen, don't scare her off."

"Dad, I'm not trying to. It didn't take a genius to see how much you both loved each other. And I always thought about if you and mom were to get a divorce, who would I want you to be with afterwords, and it was always Olivia," Elliot had been just as surprised as Olivia to hear all of this. He had spoken to his kids plenty of times since he and Kathy announced they were going to file for divorce, but never once had the kids expressed that they had felt this was coming.

He wondered how long it was before the kids realized that he and Kathy were practically living a lie. If they had accepted the fate of their parents marriage long before they even did?

"Anyway..now that that's out of the way, where is Cecilia? We hear so much about her when we're at dad's," she changed the subject thankfully. Olivia was beginning to feel uncomfortable. As much as she appreciated Maureen trying to make her feel better about her and Elliot being together, it only made Olivia's mind ponder even deeper into her worries and fears.

"She should be up soon from her evening nap," Olivia checked her watch, surprised it was only nearing eight.

"You don't think it's a little weird that my dad is helping you raise a baby? Like, you guys have only been together for about as long as Cecilia has been here," Elliot's thumb that had been brushing across the back of her hand suddenly stopped. He normally loved Maureen for being so bold and honest with her thoughts, but he hated that she chose now to use it. "And even though she's still so tiny now, what happens once she starts to get older and recognizes faces. Is she going to call dad..dad?"

"Maureen, you can't-"

"We haven't talked about that just yet. You are a smart girl Maureen, so I'm sure you'll understand what I mean when I say that me and your father are letting things happen as they come," Olivia understood Maureen's concern, and figured that the best thing for them to do was to be honest with her. Elliot scolding her wouldn't have helped, and if she wanted to earn her trust, honesty would be the key from now on.

"Well that's scary."

"Damn right it is," Olivia scoffed playfully and took a sip from her wine glass.

"That must mean you two really love each other," Maureen cocked her eyebrow.

"I guess so," Elliot sighed contently, brushing Olivia's bangs away from her face before draping his arm around her chair. He placed a kiss to her temple, eliciting a smile from her and to their surprise, a smile from Maureen too.

 **Sunday, May 15**

She had told him multiple times over the weekend that she would be fine, that Mother's Day was a holiday he should go spend with his family, to show his kids that he and Kathy were still friends. That they still loved one another. And she was convinced that he had followed her wishes when he had crept out of bed this morning around 7, but little did she know he had only left to pick up a few items from the market around the corner. He had been thinking about this for past two weeks almost, giving it intense thought. Elliot knew Olivia, and he knew that big extravagant gifts weren't her forte. So, he opted for the most simple thing he had written down on his list: breakfast in bed.

As much as Olivia tried to remain humble about becoming a mother to Cecilia, he knew that she took pride in being her mother, and that that baby was her entire world. He knew the guilt that came along with this, the guilt of becoming a mother while her best friend rested six feet under. But..if he could could ease that guilt for just _one day,_ then he would do everything in his power to do so.

So, he made her favorite breakfast: scrambled eggs with cheese, bacon, and toast with black coffee. Elliot had been stealth and moved quickly that morning in an effort to get everything finished before the baby woke up. After being an NYPD detective for over a decade, he thought that maybe she would catch him, and ruin the surprise. But luckily for him, she had been dead to the world and slept through it all.

He had been proud of himself for finishing in record time with ten minutes to spare before Cecilia would wake. Elliot placed the meal on a tray, along with her cup of coffee, a card, and her favorite flower- a peony. He had entered her room quietly, his feet lightly padding along the hardwood floor. He grinned nearly from ear to ear when he seen that she had still been sleeping. Olivia had rolled over to her back, her hand splayed across her abdomen, while the other rested behind her head. She had looked almost too content to the point where he wasn't sure if waking her up was the best idea.

Elliot walked over to the side of her bed, placing the tray on the nightstand, before leaning over and placing butterfly kisses to her face. It only took a few seconds for her to stir from her sleep, her eyes fluttered open, a smirk appeared across her face the moment she realized he hadn't left. She wasn't upset either. As much as she had pushed him to go spend some time with his kids today, a small part of her had hoped that he wouldn't listen.

"Happy Mother's Day," he whispered before he captured her lips between his, kissing her once, and then twice before pulling away.

"I can't believe you," she said referring to the breakfast he had made for her. She sat up, leaning her back against the headboard, accepting the meal he placed in front of her.

"Well you better start, because I slaved over a hot stove for you _all_ morning," they both laughed until they had heard a cry over the monitor. "I'll get her-"

"No, you are going to enjoy your breakfast, and _I'll_ go get her," he kissed the corner of her mouth before going across the hall.

She was trying her damned hardest to not overthink this, to trust Elliot and his decision to spend the morning with her today. Olivia was slightly worried that Kathy would somehow find out, that she would be upset with Elliot for doing so. But then she also remembered that they weren't together anymore, and were only few days away from their divorce being finalized.

 _Just breathe Olivia. Enjoy your first mother's day._

She tried reminding herself that today was about celebrating her new found role of motherhood. And that spending time with Cecilia should be her main focus today. There weren't going to be many weekends left where she could lounge in bed, snuggling her all day.

Her reverie had been interrupted when she heard Elliot over the monitor, cooing softly to Cecilia.

"I love you baby girl, I really do. I love your mama too, just need to get the balls to tell her huh?" he must have forgotten that Olivia could hear him.

She was stunned at herself for not feeling the urge to run or come up with reasons to break up. But instead she felt..ready. Olivia never felt like she had ever truly loved the men she had been in relationships with. So when they would say this to her- she would find any reason to run.

With Elliot it was different.

She loved his sense of humor (even though he really was not at all funny), the dimple in his chin that only appears when he's genuinely smiling, the way his eyes light up when he talks about his kids, and his ability to be gentle with her stubborn ass. She loved him. She doesn't know for how long, but she felt like a small part of her always has. And now she was _in_ love with him.

Only he could make her stomach flutter at a million miles a minute when he did something as simple as text her good morning. Only he understood that it was the small things that made her happy. That take out and a glass of wine was enough for her. Only he understood why she ran, why commitment terrified her. Only he stuck around for for all of _this._ Only Elliot, and she couldn't imagine anyone else.

"I love you too," she whispered under her breath. Hoping that the next time she said it, she would be lying right next to him.


	10. Close

**Chapter 10**

 **Thursday, June 27**

 _Was this a dream or reality?_

Olivia's mind pondered for a moment, as she watched Elliot burp Cecilia after giving her her last bottle before bed. After working a nearly 12 hour day, he had finally made his way over to Olivia's like he had promised. They had gone almost a week without seeing each other, due to Elliot getting tied up in a case, and she had missed him terribly. So when he had shot her a text this afternoon that captain had given him the weekend off as a reward for all of his hard work over the past few weeks, she nearly melted inside at just the thought of being able to spend her last weekend before to returning to work with him.

Nearly three months in, and it still scared her shitless how much she loved him, how much she _needed_ him. They spent almost every night together at her place, spending late nights in bed entangled within one another, kissing and touching in all the spots that drove each other crazy. Waking up with love bites, and an imprint on her skin from the searing touch of his lips being on her body.

She _loved_ him.

More than she was willing to admit, but she did.

And being able to spend this weekend together only left her wanting more from him than just a few makeout sessions once they got time alone.

"Why is it that she goes down for bed so easily for you?" Olivia finished drying her last dish, and sat next to him with her legs tucked underneath her. She rested her head on his shoulder, watching Cecilia slowly nod off to sleep.

"I have five kids, I'm basically a pro at this," he teased, winking at her.

"We'll see if you say that once she starts teething," she chuckled, kissing his cheek before getting back up. "If you go lay her down, I'll heat up dinner?" she nodded towards the takeout he had brought over with him. She leaned over, giving Cecelia one last kiss, running her hand through the few hints of blonde hair beginning to grow, before returning to the kitchen.

Olivia watched as he disappeared down the hallway, bouncing her lightly as he made his way towards the nursery. It was astounding how easily they had fallen into a comfortable rhythm, spending most nights together, eating dinner, and sometimes even putting Cecilia down for bed together. It was all new for her. Waiting up for a text that he was on his way, or a late night call to say good night because he caught a hard case. And she wouldn't change it for anything.

No more running. No more excuses.

"How was work?" they sat on the floor of her living room, eating the mystery cuisine Elliot had picked up on his way over.

"Same old, same old. Shit without you there, but we caught the bastard we've been chasing down for almost two weeks," the corners of her mouth turned, slightly satisfied that he was still miserable at work. It meant he missed her.

"I'll be back next week, can you believe it?"

"I can, and now I get to see you almost all day," he pulled her closer to him, her leg crossing over between his.

"Yeah, but we can't be doing any of this on this job," she pecked his lips, her body instantly warmed by his touch.

"Well then we better do as much of this as we can this weekend before work on Monday," her laugh filled the room, as he tackled her to the ground, careful not to put his entire weight on her. He nestled himself between her legs, placing both hands on either side of her while he peppered her neck with kisses. Elliot knew her tickle spot, just a few inches below her ear, and loving the sound of her laughter.

"Okay okay!" she tried pushing him off, but he barely nudged. "Elliot! You're gonna wake the baby!" tears had filled her eyes from trying to withstand from shrieking. He pulled away, a grin plastered across his face, satisfied with himself.

"What are we going to do about Captain?" she asked, sitting up on her elbows.

"You mean when are we gonna talk to him, and be forced to get new partners?" he kneeled back, helping her sit back up.

"Elliot.."

"It's the truth Liv. The moment we tell him that we're together he's going to split us up. Do I have to remind you about Gitano?" she physically flinched at the word. That case only brought back terrible memories, ones that she tried to forget after having nightmares about it for months. Having to make the decision to possibly end Eliot's life ingrained in her memory.

"Look Liv, I'm just trying to say that we need to give this some thought. I don't want to tell him just yet."

"What? You afraid I'm gonna run?" she didn't mean to sound defensive, but his attitude towards telling their captain seemed a little too- hesitant.

"No no no," he pulled her close to him once again, taking her right hand in his. "You've had my six for the past decade, you know my next move sometimes before I even do. I just can't fathom getting a new partner," she gnawed at her bottom lip, giving what he said some thought. Olivia understood all too much. Change would be hard, but if it meant that they would finally get _this,_ then it would be worth it.

"Working with Fin or Munch shouldn't be that bad. You've been working with them since I went on leave in April."

"Yeah, and it's be hell," she laughed lightly. "Why are you in such a rush to tell him?"

"I'm just not looking forward to sneaking around, making sure we don't always come to work at the same time, or get caught kissing in the cribs-"

"You're gonna take me back to the cribs?" a shit eating grin appeared on his face.

"Maybe," she smirked, running along the planes of his chest. "I just can't stand to keep this secret for much longer, Elliot."

"Just give me one more month with you, then we'll tell the rest of my kids, Cragen, then Kathy I guess."

"One month," she held up her index finger, then kissed his lips. He ran his fingers through her hair, while his other hand rested at the nape of her neck. She fell into his touch easily. Although he appeared solid and rugged on the outside, his lips were soft, and nipping at her lower lip, coaxing her to open her mouth a bit more.

That familiar burn in her lower belly had returned like many times before when he would kiss her like this. And each time, it had become harder for her to not reach between them and tug on his belt buckle, in the hopes that she could get some relief. Olivia wanted more, she knew this months ago when he had kissed her right here in her living room. But she also knew that going any further than this was risky. They were already walking on such a thin rope, playing this entire relationship by ear. No labels, or really any clear definition of what they were exactly. And she didn't want to throw whatever they had going, away, for one night.

She slid her hand over his shoulder, gripping him lightly as she threw her right leg over, straddling him. His hands roamed down her back, finding their place on her hips, placing a firm grip on them. He had pulled her so close to him that she felt his bulge press into her inner thigh. Her body responded, a moan escaping from her, causing his hips to jerk upwards.

 _Jesus christ. If she keeps moaning like this, he wouldn't last very much longer._

Olivia reached down in between them, tugging on the hem of his shirt, suddenly in a frenzy to get his skin on hers. He complied, no questions asked, and helped her pull it over his head only breaking their kiss for a second. Everything had gone from languid to frantic in a matter of seconds, but somehow he had still managed to be gentle with her as he pulled the tank top she had been wearing over hers.

Elliot pulled away from her, revealing in the sight before him, drinking all of her in. Her skin still appeared sunkissed from the day they had spent at the beach weeks ago, glowing under the dim lighting of the living room. She tried to pull him back closer to her, but he gently grabbed her hands, setting them on her upper thighs.

"Let me," he managed to croak out, his voice straining from trying to withstand self control. Lightly, he laid her there on the floor, remaining between her legs as he began licking and placing open mouth kisses to her neck, trailing down to in between her breasts. Her body had been writhing underneath him, anticipating where his lips would go, or _not_ go. He stopped right above the top of her leggings, and looked up at her, hoping to be met with her chocolate orbs, but instead they had been closed.

"Hey," he said softly. "Look at me," she hesitantly opened her eyes. "You are absolutely beautiful," he didn't allow her time to detest, and let his hands roam her body. Starting at her waist, and gliding effortlessly up her torso, he palmed her breasts through the black bra she wore, leaning down to capture her lips. His right hand slipped between them, as he tried to pull down her leggings, before her hand grabbed his wrist. He panicked, worried that he had taken things too far, and too fast.

"I don't...want our first time to be on the floor of my living room," she laughed lightly, her face flushed. Olivia could lie to herself and say that she hadn't thought about how she wanted this moment to go, but she did. And it didn't involve the floor of her living room, next to empty dinner plates.

He smiled at her as he lifted her gently from the ground, and carried her bridal style down the hall. Her bed had been perfectly made, like always, and her curtains were still open. Allowing for the moon to illuminate the room.

She was beautiful, breathtaking even, and he couldn't believe that she was _his._ He loosened his belt and rid himself of his slacks, before resuming his position. She wrapped both of her legs around his waist, pushing him closer with the heel of her foot. He bucked into her, causing her back to arch off the bed, a moan escaping from her mouth.

" _Please,_ " she pleaded with him, growing tired of this torturous foreplay. He followed her command and began tugging on her leggings, and pulling them down her legs.

 _She's trying to fucking kill me._

He thought, when he seen the nearly see through lace thong she wore. His hand ran over her mound, cupping her slightly, feeling the heat radiating off of her body. "Elliot," she cried. Begging him for relief. He kissed his way back up her body, finally meeting her lips, nipping and running his tongue along them. Her hands gripped his cropped hair as tightly as they could, his touch becoming carnal.

Elliot knew she was ready for him, and he was too. But he had been trying his damned hardest to take his time with her, hoping to remember everything. What it felt like to finally see beyond the fabric of her shirt, to touch her silken skin, kiss her in the most intimate places..

He pulled away, looking into her dark pools, seeing the love she had for him reflect in her eyes.

"I love you..I really do," he whispered softly to her, finally. He ran his hand through her hair, brushing his thumb alongside her forehead.

"I love you," she replied, and it sounded like honey. "Now make love to me-" she had barely gotten the words out before his lips were on hers again.

Right when he attempted to pull the lace panties from her hips, a cry through the monitor stopped his movements, pulling away from her entirely.

"You've got to be kidding me!" He sat back on his legs, scrubbing his hand down his face. Olivia loved Cecilia, she was her heart and soul, but tonight..

"Fuck," she blew out, her breath shaky. Regretfully, she slid from underneath Elliot and went to search for her robe, before disappearing down the hall.

 _So fucking close_.

Elliot paced around her room, trying to calm himself down, quickly over analyzing everything that had just happened.

 _He was about to have sex with Olivia. Colorful, passionate, angsty sex, after spending too many years imagining what it would be like._

"God dammit," he cursed to himself, frustrated about their little interruption, but knew it couldn't have been permitted. He had confessed that he loved her, and was finally able to get to _make love_ to her, until-

"Ah, there's El," Olivia had returned to her room with the baby nestled in her arms, and a bottle in her hand. "Say 'I'm sorry El, I was just a little hungry'," her voice had switched over to baby talk, giving him puppy dog eyes as she moved towards him. "You uh, you doin okay?" she blushed at her words, turning away from him and sitting on her bed against the headboard.

"I would be better if-"

"I know- and I promise to make it up to you _soon,_ " her emphasis on the soon made him groan inward, knowing she had been referring to this weekend. His kids were out of the house for a few weeks this summer, some away at summer camp, a few on trips with friends, and Eli was at Kathy's this weekend, giving him more time than ever to be with Olivia.

He went over to the small space he had reserved in one of her drawers, pulling out a pair of sweatpants to throw on, suddenly feeling exposed. She watched him while she fed Cecilia, flashbacks of what had happened only moments ago, replaying in her mind. He picked up on it too, feeling her eyes burning into his skin. "How about you make it up to me, and let me take you to dinner tomorrow night," he tied a knot on his jaw string, and climbed into bed with Olivia, placing a kiss to the top of Cecilia's forehead.

"Let me guess, I don't have a choice because you already have reservations and a sitter?"

"You are correct. The restaurant being a surprise, the sitter being Mo, and dessert being me," Elliot smiled so hard, the corners of his eyes crinkled. He laid on his side facing her, resting his head in the palm of his hand.

"Asshole," she shook her head at him, rolling her eyes.

"You weren't moaning that 20 minutes ago," he jabbed at her playfully, earning a slap on her shoulder. "Hey!"

"If you keep this up, you won't ever hear a peep out of me again," he loved the playful late night banter, the look of pure joy in her eyes when he was able to make her laugh, and being able to share a bed with her a few nights a week. And he couldn't wait until this month long wait was up, to finally bring Olivia into his kids lives- for good.

Going to bed with the curtains open to allow the moonlight in, seemed like a great idea the night before, but the heat of the early summer sun had proved otherwise. Olivia stirred for a few moments, struggling to open her eyes from the bright morning rays. She had forgotten for a moment that she hadn't gone to bed alone last night. That Elliot had finally been able to stay with her after almost two weeks. She smiled lazily when she seen that he was already awake, watching her sleep, something she had gotten used to.

"Good morning sleepy head," he said softly, threading his fingers through her hair. Olivia Benson in the morning was one of the many reasons he loved spending the night with her. She'd wake up, her hair a tousled mess, her voice a little raspy, and her eyes still heavy from the exhaustion of being a single mother.

"What time is it?"

"Almost ten. You must have been beat."

"Shit. Cecil-" she threw the covers off of her, but had been dragged back into bed when she attempted to get up.

"She's taking her morning nap already," she had looked at him confused until she realized that he had let her sleep in this morning. On his first day off in weeks, he woke up at the crack of dawn to feed, and watch Cecilia, so that _she_ could rest.

"Elliot, why would you do that for me on your day off," her eyebrows knitted together, wondering why he kept _doing_ things for her.

"Because.. I love you, Olivia. That's why- and I love that beautiful baby girl of yours too," the way he easily threw that four lettered word around made her anxious, yet also warm and tingly on the inside. He had told her for the first time to her face that he did, and she had confessed too, but she was still getting used to the idea of someone else loving _her_ \- and now her daughter too.

"You're gonna have to get used to this. Especially once the kids come into the picture, the girls are gonna want to help with Cecilia as much as possible," he laughed lightly. Memories of how the girls fawned over Eli as baby beginning to resurface. "I finally told you I love you, now will you let me do just that?" he leaned forward, hovering slightly over her body, connecting his lips to hers. He coaxed her mouth open, gently tugging at her chin, asserting dominance. The kiss remained unhurried and lazy, her entire body relaxing into him.

"Never thought we'd be the type to lay in bed, kissing all morning," she pulled away, her lips swollen already from the contact.

"Never thought I'd get to spend my mornings laying in bed with Olivia Benson."


	11. First

**Friday, June 28**

"You brought me out to eat Italian?" Olivia questioned Elliot as they approached the mom and pop restaurant.

"I know if not anything, pasta is your go to for food," he placed his hand on her lower back, nudging her forward as he opened the door for her. "And this is the one place we haven't tried together," he leaned over to kiss her temple.

"A reservation under Stabler," the hostess nodded and led them back to the booth Elliot had requested. He noticed how almost every eye in the restaurant had ventured over to them- well Olivia. The black dress she wore had clung to every curve she owned. And he knew the moment they stepped out of the house, that every eye would be on her. He hated to admit that he was beginning to feel slightly territorial, somehow feeling the need to let it be known that Olivia was _his._

"I love this already," Olivia said as Elliot slid in next to her. She appreciated him not going above and beyond for this date. She didn't need for them to eat at a five star restaurant, or get dressed up everytime. He understood that a simple drink and appetizer at the bar down the block was enough. Especially if it meant being able to spend time with just _him._

"Good," he was being very coy with her, and she picked up on it right away.

"Something on your mind?"

"I'm just really...happy," he grinned at her; taking her hand in his. "I feel so cliche every time I say this, but- I just can't believe this is _us_ right now," she blushed at his words immediately. "I never thought we'd get a shot at this, and now.."

"You're just really happy?" she giggled and leaned in to kiss him softly. "I get it," she moved closer to him, their thighs touching under the table. She turned towards him, her head resting in the palm of her hand, the tips of her fingers threading through her hair. "I'm happy too," she grinned widely, the corners of her eyes crinkling. Happy didn't even begin to explain how she had been feeling over the past few months.

"Tell me something about you that I don't know," his voice was low, the conversation becoming much more intimate.

"You know everything already, even parts of me that I've tried to keep hidden."

"Well, not _every_ part," his hand that rested under the table, slid its way up her thigh nearest to him, barely making it to the hem before her hand rested over his.

"Elliot!" she said in a harsh whisper, scolding him. "We're in public," her eyes scanned the room, wondering if anyone there had looked familiar.

"Okay okay," he held both hands up in surrender. "I'll keep my hands to myself," he smirked at her. "So, tell me something, Liv."

"I don't know Elliot," she shrugged her shoulders. She really didn't know what to tell him, and she was curious as to why he all of sudden _wanted_ to know.

"Tell me your favorite thing to do with Cecilia," months ago when he'd seen Olivia on the verge of a breakdown regarding her potential of becoming a mother, still played in the back of his mind when he looked at her. Now, seeing her with Cecilia, he seen the glow that radiated from her. Especially when she talked about her, and he loved it.

"I know that you shouldn't but- I love when I get up for her 4am feeding, and afterwards when we snuggle in my bed. And she ends up sleeping with me on my chest..sometimes I just stay up for a little while and watch her just _sleep._ Ya know? I look at her, and I can't believe she's mine, that she's the reason I've survived everything over the past 3 months," she paused. Her eyes had begun to get glossy. "Then the guilt comes along.."

"Olivia-"

"I know-I know it's not my fault, none of it is but," she inhaled and then exhaled a deep breath. "You know what else I love?" she went on, trying to avoid the tears at bay.

"What?" Elliot gave her a small smile, taking her free hand in his.

"I love seeing the way you are with her. You've treated her like your own. Way before we were even sure about ourselves," it was terrifying to think about how much Elliot had already impacted Cecilia's life in such a short period of time. She had never thought she would become a mother for one, and she thought that if she ever did, it would be a journey she would take on her own. But of course, like everything else lately, her life had taken drastic turns, mostly for the better.

"I know I am in no way her father, Olivia, but if you let me..I want to be there for all the milestones, for her first steps, or her first day of school," his voice drifted off. He released her hand, and began to pick at imaginary cotton on his jeans. It killed him inside to be so cautious, when all he wanted to do was tell her everything running through his mind. Elliot knew that Olivia was still leery of their relationship, that even though she had promised to not run, the fear of them not working out still plagued her mind. But he wanted to show her that he was here to stay as long as she'd let him, and had hoped that it would be forever.

"It scares me, but I want you there too," she laughed to herself. "Sometimes I dream about the day that I'll be able to come home with you after work, and put Cecilia to bed together, or have your kids over for a Sunday dinner," she blushed, surprised by her own words. "Elliot, I love you- so fucking much and- I'm terrified because I find myself _needing_ you, and if one day we don't work out-"

"You can't think about that, Liv because if that's all you spend your time doing you'll never let me in. You won't be able to see how _great_ things are going between us- I mean look, we're out in public on a _date_. You just said 'I love you' first, instead of me. As long as we keep doing this- whatever it is, I think we'll do okay," his oceanic eyes sparkled as he said each word. He knew he had gotten through to her, not entirely, but he had gained just the right amount of trust he needed for now.

"Okay," she smiled and kissed him passionately for a moment before she remembered they were still in public. "Let's eat," they had broken through another barrier tonight, and she had been grateful to get a better understanding of them. She knew what he meant when he mentioned being there for all of Cecilia's firsts, that he didn't see them _not_ being together for the long haul. And she had to say that she agreed with him too.

"So tonight...I'm thinking a night cap?" Elliot said as they walked arm in arm, the few blocks back to her apartment.

"Just a night cap?" she smirked at him before leaning her head on his shoulder.

"Maybe a few other things too," he kissed the top of her dark waves. "What's your worst fear?"

She took a deep breath, giving it some thought.

"It's changed over the last few months. I would say letting my past get the best of me, and not being able to be a good mother to Cecilia," there was a pause between them. "I know I can't spend my life blaming everything wrong with me on my mother, and I thought I had gotten over that years ago- but now. Now I'm a mother and all I could think about since the night I brought Cecilia home, is that I have no idea what I'm doing. I can't go back and think about what my mother would do with me, because she was either binge drinking or blaming me for making her life hell," they stopped in front of the steps that led to the door of her apartment building.

"That's why I'm glad I have you here, of all people, I know," she rolled her eyes and laughed lightly. "Thank you," she wrapped both hands around his neck and nipped at his bottom lip, before pulling it into her mouth. His hands traveled down her sides, past her hips, squeezing her ass gently. He pulled her closer, a light gasp escaping from her when she felt the bulge stirring in his pants.

"Let's get upstairs," he whispered in a sultry tone in her ear. She complied with his demand, and pulled him along with her as she made her way to the elevator.

When they had stepped into Olivia's apartment, satisfied to see that everything was still intact, and that Maureen had gotten Cecilia down for bed at a decent time. Olivia had thanked her and paid her, although Maureen had protested against it. She gave the her a tight hug, to thank her once more, before heading down the hall to check on the baby.

"How much longer are you guys gonna keep this a secret?" Maureen questioned her father.

"Be patient Mo, we're taking things slow," he took a seat on the couch next to her.

"Slow? Dad, you two are practically raising a child together. How much longer do I have to keep this a secret?" Maureen was definitely his child. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and rested his chin on her head.

"Give it another month and then you can tell the whole world if you want to."

"Good, because I was over at mom's for dinner and she was asking me who's kid I was watching and I told her Olivia's- but you never told me mom didn't know about the baby!"

"Shit," he leaned forward and scrubbed his hands over his face.

"Shit is right dad. I could tell mom was slightly bothered by it. Probably because she figured you've probably been helping her, especially after I told her about Alex," Elliot found himself getting slightly angry, not with Maureen, but with Kathy. He didn't understand why she would get upset by something that had nothing to do with her. "I can't even imagine how mad she'll be when she finds out you've been over here playing house with Olivia," was he really having this conversation with her?

"I'll handle it Mo, just try to keep this under wraps for a little while longer? For Olivia's sake?"

"I will try," she patted his back and got up to gather her things. "And you need to promise me that you'll try not to mess this up? Don't do that thing where you get all angry and say stupid things," she waved her hand in the air.

"Jesus Maureen," he rolled his eye at her.

"Olivia is a gem dad, don't lose her," she made her way towards the front door. "I have class bright and early tomorrow. I'll text you when I get back to my dorm," she gave her father a kiss to the cheek before heading downstairs.

He turned off every light and made sure to lock the door, before going down the hall to check on the baby himself. He leaned in towards the crib and kissed her forehead, and then closed the door quietly as he headed across the hall to Olivia's bedroom.

He paused for a moment before opening the door, trying to remind himself to be _patient._ Last night he felt like such an asshole, almost having sex with Olivia right there on her living room floor. He wanted for everything to be different tonight.

 _More patience._

He kept reminding himself as he turned the knob on the door, taking a deep before he entered.

Elliot was stunned when he seen she was actually in the bathroom suite attached, and not waiting for him on the bed. He kicked off his shoes and removed his jacket he had worn tonight for dinner, before sitting on the end of the bed and waiting on her. He fidgeted with his hands, anxiety building in him, causing him to overthink. Was it still too soon for sex? Should they wait a little while longer? How badly would this change things between them?

Finally she had emerged from the bathroom, except only in an open black silk robe that revealed a matching lace bra and panty set she had worn. He swallowed hard, nearly losing his breath when he look at her. Her curves had been bare for him to see, and her breasts nearly spilled out of the bra she wore. Olivia had given last night some thought too and had managed to make a trip to the mall earlier today after he had left.

"You look-"

"I know, but only for you," her voice had dropped a few octaves, shooting straight to his groin. She sauntered towards him, adding a sway to her hips that didn't go unnoticed. He pulled her towards him, placing her in between his legs. "Easy," she chuckled, wrapping her arms around his neck and straddling his lap, the scent of her perfume filling the room. He placed his hands on both of her thighs, only inches away from the lace fabric that separated him from her core.

She began working the buttons on his shirt at terribly slow pace that drove him insane. As she undid each button, she kissed her way down his torso, pushing him on his back as she got lower. He could see she was aiming for dominance tonight, but he wasn't sure he would be able to follow through. Not if she kept kissing down his-

He placed both hands on her shoulders when she moved below his waist, unzipping his pants and unbuckling his belt. Elliot didn't want her like this- not tonight. He wanted to make _her_ feel good. To kiss along her olive toned skin, leave love bites in places only he would know, and bury himself deep into her core while she begged him to _go deeper_ and cursed his name. His overbearing train of thought got the best of him, and before he knew it he had flipped her onto her back, a small yelp escaping from her.

His lips hovered over hers for a moment, taking the time to look into her eyes for just one second, before he placed his lips over hers. She felt him run his tongue over her lower lip, practically begging for entrance. He heard her moan into his mouth when he did, causing him to kiss her deeper, more roughly, suddenly needing more. Her hands snaked between them as he settled himself between her legs, finishing what she attempted earlier, and completely unbuckled his pants. He kicked them off quickly, not breaking contact with her once.

Her hand ran over his cotton briefs, feeling just how turned on he was. She had sworn she'd heard him curse into her when she touched him. He slid her robe off her shoulders, before he broke their heated kiss, and continued slow sensuous kisses down her body. Her back arched off the bed when placed a kiss over the lace covering her heat.

 _She was wet, and for him._

He wanted to come at just the thought.

Elliot slid the lace down her legs, and kissed his way back up her inner thighs, before landing right at her core. "Jesus christ," she moaned as he worked her heated core with his tongue. He detached himself, kissing her instead, allowing for her to taste the desire that she had for him. He couldn't wait any longer, he knew she was ready for him, and rid himself of his briefs before spreading her legs just little bit wider for him.

Her eyes were closed in anticipation of getting the relief she had been aching for for months.

He aligned himself with her entrance, trying to remember _patience._ Slowly, he filled her, stretching her to the last millimeter. He stiled once he filled her completely, allowing for her to adjust, noticing the slight discomfort on her face.

"Am I hurting you?" he rested his elbows on either side of her face, careful not to put his entire weight on her.

"I'm fine baby," he had sworn that all he needed was one more thrust and he would physically combust from just those words. She had called him baby, and maybe it had been in the heat of the moment. But to hear those words fall from her lips felt like nirvana. "El," she pleaded with him to move, and so he did.

He moved in long slow strokes, nearly pulling entirely out of her, before thrusting into her again. He couldn't fucking believe it.

Her moans were the only sound that filled the room, each one growing louder as she inched closer and closer to her climax. He knew she was close, the way he worked her slowly drove her over the edge, and to the point of no return. He could feel her muscles contracting around him, bringing him close too. Her head tilted back, her eyes still closed, as her body began to glisten in sweat from their heated lovemaking.

"Look at me," he choked out as he grabbed her chin. "I want to see you come for me baby," her eyes were low and she bit on her lower lip, so hard to the point where he was sure she'd draw blood. She knew her impending climax would soon take everything in her.

And finally it did.

She cursed his name over and over until her voice finally gave out, and followed soon behind her, spilling every last bit he had left to give inside of her. His warmth spread throughout her, a feeling so intimate it brought her to tears. He carefully pulled out of her, laying next to her while both of them still tried to catch their breath.

He rolled over onto his side, hovering over her, his head resting in the palm of his hand. That's when he seen the tears falling from her eyes.

"Olivia.." he said softly. He caressed the side of her face, using the thumb of his hand to brush away her tears. "I hurt you, didn't I?"

He was a complete and utter asshole.

"No no, El, no," she brought his hand up to her face, kissing the palm of his hand. "I just love you _so fucking much_ ," she sniffled, trying to withstand from letting anymore tears fall. "I don't want to be cliche and say that you complete me, or that you're my other half. But you sure as hell make my life worth living again."

He pulled the sheets over them both, pulling her back flush against his chest. "I love you, Olivia. And I'm not going anywhere," he kissed her temple, noticing she had drifted off to sleep before the words had even left his lips. He sat and watched her sleep for a few more moments, before he too, let sleep claim him tonight.

 **I tried to give you guys what you've been asking for ;) I hope I did ok haha.**


	12. Stubborn

**Thursday, July 21**

The month of July had flown by so quickly since Olivia had begun working again at the precinct. Since then, her and Elliot had grown used to spending nearly every night at her place, except for when it was his weekend with Eli and the twins. Things had begun to move really quickly between them since _that_ weekend, but it had been comforting for Olivia. The idea of them being together for the long haul had become more appealing over the last few weeks, that is until Elliot had made plans to tell his children about them this upcoming weekend. He hadn't ran any of this by Liv, until after he had the plan set in stone for dinner on Saturday at 7.

"Olivia, I don't understand why you're upset?" Elliot stood at the doorframe of her bathroom suite, as she finished getting ready for bed.

"I just wish you would have ran this by me before you went and made dinner plans with the kids," she finished brushing through her damp hair, before taking off the towel she wore to change into her silk cami and shorts. "This is kind of a big deal El, it could make or break us depending on how they react," she brushed passed him, turning off the light before heading to bed. He followed close behind, sitting on the edge of the bed where she lay.

"I don't want you to worry about this, okay? The kids aren't babies anymore. They understand that their parents are divorced, and are moving on. This is gonna be great baby!" he threaded the tips of his fingers through her hair, and leaned down to kiss her forehead. She managed to give him a small smile, deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"How do you do that?"

"What?" he rested his head on her abdomen, the rest of his body between her legs.

"Manage to make things so much better," she ran her hand through his cropped hair, slowly lulling him to sleep.

"I just want to see you happy Liv," and he meant it. He found himself doing nearly anything to reassure her that this is right where he wanted to be. Elliot knew that it wasn't _him_ that she doubted, but it was everything else around them that worried her. They were surpassing multiple milestones, and it was time to take the next and almost final step, so that they can finally just _be._ No more hiding, no more secret dates, and being able to do something as easy as go to work, without being cautious of every little thing they did.

"You already do that for me," she had only heard a mumbled response from him, when she realized he had already fallen asleep. She laughed lightly and reached to turn out the light. Letting sleep claim her too, as Elliot lay snuggled against her.

 **Friday, July 22**

This morning had been particularly difficult for Elliot and Olivia, neither of them wanting to leave bed. They had spent a majority of their morning just simply snuggling in bed with Cecilia, that is until he had to leave earlier than Olivia. This had become their morning routine, avoiding showing up at work at the same time. But Elliot had grown tired of it quickly, only wanting to be able to spend his morning with his girls, and not have to rush to get out the door.

He had felt slightly guilty last night after confessing to Olivia that he had already made plans to tell the kids about them, but knew that if he hadn't taken the risk, they'd be playing this game of secrecy for much longer.

He was nearly thirty minutes into his work day, when he had noticed Olivia hadn't gotten into the precinct just yet. He didn't want to seem overbearing, like he was keeping track of her every move. But normally she would arrive not too long after he did.

Just when he had pulled out his phone to shoot her a text, she'd rushed into the bullpen, her hands full with the car seat and bags she had.

"Olivia, what happened to the babysitter?" Elliot had stood immediately, and ran over to help her.

"She's got a case of strep throat," she had been in a frenzy, obviously thrown off by the change in her morning. "I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't wanna call in, I just got back. Thanks," he took the car seat from her, setting it on top of her desk, smiling from ear to ear when he seen Cecilia's baby blues staring back at him.

"Oh Olivia, is this little Cecilia?" Amanda had just gotten in to work herself. "Hi baby girl! Aren't you just the cutest thing?" She peered over the car seat, getting a few smiles from the baby when she spoke. "May I?"

"Of course," Olivia unbuckled everything, before gently handing the baby over to her.

"Oh she's precious Olivia," she cradled her in her arms, rocking gently back and forth. "What is she, 3 months now?"

"A little over 4," Olivia took a seat at her desk, glad that she could finally take a moment to breathe. This morning had been frantic once her babysitter had called in sick. Olivia didn't have anyone besides Elliot, really, and had been stuck trying to figure out what to do.

"Oh wow! Time has just flown by since I got that text message early one morning that you were here," she cooed softly in baby talk, brushing her fingers over her soft blonde curls. "Looks like someone is starting to blow bubbles."

"This kid is something else. You should have seen her last night," Elliot laughed before he had realized just what he had said, silently cursing himself.

"Last night?" Amanda cocked an eyebrow at them both, a slight smile forming.

"Uh yeah, Elliot stopped by last night to work on a few case files together," Olivia darted her eyes over to him.

"Really? Even though you two didn't get out of here til almost 9?" Amanda smirked at them both, and laughed. "Boy, if you two plan on getting past Cragen for a little longer, you might wanna work on that," Olivia blushed instantly, completely embarrassed.

"Jesus christ," she mumbled, looking over at Elliot who had a shit eating grin.

"Don't worry, your secrets safe with me," she winked and moved over to her desk, still holding Cecilia.

Olivia released a deep breath, attempting not to panic over what had just happened. They had gone an entire month without slipping up, and she was nervous that the next time would be in front of Cragen.

"After we talk to the kids this weekend, we definitely need to tell Cragen," she placed her purse and baby bag under her desk, and went on to make herself a cup of coffee.

"I don't think I'm quite ready to let you go," Elliot quickly brushed up behind her.

"Elliot if you don't behave yourself, you'll be sleeping at your place tonight," she nudged him with her elbow, looking around carefully to make sure no one had been watching.

"You know you can't stand to sleep without me," he wrapped both hands around her waist, nuzzling his face into her neck.

"El, I'm serious!" she whispered harshly, and swatted him away before returning to her desk. She stopped midway when she seen Cragen was standing near her desk with Cecilia in his arms. The sight nearly melted her heart, it had been the first chance he had gotten to see her besides in photos. Olivia felt horrible that it had taken this long for him to finally meet her, but had been grateful the moment had finally come.

"Olivia, she's beautiful," she stood beside him, peering over to see Cecilia's glossy eyes attempting to fight off sleep.

"Just like her mother."

"I know I should probably ask why you brought the baby to work, but I also don't want her to go," Don had been a natural, falling in love with her right away. He hadn't been blessed with kids of his own, but always considered Olivia the closest to having a daughter.

"My babysitter got hit with a case of strep throat, I didn't have-"

"No no, it's okay. How about you two go home and enjoy your Friday?"

"Captain, I just got back and we have a load of paperwork."

"I got it Liv. Go home," Elliot spoke up.

"Elliot-"

"Go!" he smiled shooing her away.

 **Saturday, July 23**

"Looks like someone is already trying to rollover," Maureen sat on the living room floor, watching Cecilia as she wiggled around her play mat. She had stopped by on her way from class to spend a little time with Olivia. Happy that they had been getting more comfortable with one another.

"I noticed last week. She's such a good baby," Olivia kneeled next to her, rubbing small circles over her tummy. "Mama loves you so much! I do, yes I do!" she cooed to her softly, a smile full of gums forming on Cecilia's face.

"As soon as Eli found out you would be coming to dinner tonight, he wouldn't stop asking about Cecilia."

"He's grown up to be such a sweet boy. Did the others seem okay about tonight?" Olivia knew asking would be risky, but she needed to know what she was walking into tonight.

"They've all pretty much figured out that you're coming because you and dad are together now, and neither of them have stopped asking me about it," she scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"That's good, I guess?"

"Yeah, I mean Dickie is a little weirded out by it, but Lizzie was all for it. She loves you Liv."

"And Kathleen?" her eyes peered downward, avoiding Olivia. "You can be honest with me," did she want the truth? Not entirely, but the idea of Elliot's kids hating her had been her worst nightmare.

"Dickie just needs to adjust to the idea of you two being together and not just partners. He didn't even think about you and dad having an affair like before, but Kathleen.."

"She thinks we've been seeing each other since before they were separated," Olivia answered for her.

"Yeah, and mom isn't making this any easier. She hates the idea of dad helping you raise Cecilia. She has made sure to let me know that every time I leave her house to spend time with you guys," she could hear the frustration in her voice. This was the exact opposite of what she wanted.

"I'm sorry honey. I don't expect you to stand up for me or anything like that. I'll make sure to make this right, okay?" she rubbed small circles on her back.

"No Liv, mom is wrong, and so is Kathleen. You are an amazing woman who makes my dad happy. Why can't they see that? You would never do anything to harm him or their marriage back then," Olivia had been shocked that Maureen would go to such lengths to make this right.

"Thank you, Maureen really. But I don't want you and your mother arguing."

"Liv, it's all good. This is going to blow over sooner or later," she managed to give her a small smile, giving her a small ounce of reassurance. "I think I'm going to get going. I'll see you later tonight at dad's?" Olivia nodded and pulled her in for a hug, truly appreciative of her. It warmed her heart how supportive Maureen had been, and hoped that tonight would go over smoothly.

Olivia had been thinking about this afternoon, deciding it was best to hold off on telling Elliot. Minus the disheartening news about Kathleen, she had hope that tonight would be okay. Hopefully minimal drama and most of all, a better understanding of everything.

The kids would be over to Elliot's in less than an hour, and the chicken she had made was almost finished baking. She wasn't much of a cook, but wanted to help out tonight since Elliot had done double the work for her yesterday.

"The baby is down for probably the next hour or so," Elliot had come up behind her and wrapped his arms tightly around her, resting his chin on her shoulder, while she chopped vegetables for the salad. "I was thinking that maybe we could-"

"Elliot! Your kids will be here at any moment. If you don't start behaving.."

"You'll what?" she could feel him smirking as he placed butterfly kisses to her neck

"I'll make you suffer a lot more than you are right now," she nudged her ass back into him, eliciting a groan from him.

"My god Liv," he regretfully pulled away from her, concluding that she wasn't joking. "Maureen told me the kids already figured out what tonight is about," he leaned against the counter, popping a cucumber into his mouth.

"Yeah, she actually stopped by today to hangout and we ended up talking about that."

"She must have told you about Kathleen," he added, noticing the immediate change in her.

"And Kathy," she sighed.

"Oh my god-"

"El, it's okay. I'm the one that told her to be honest with me, and I'm glad she was," she paused on chopping to look up at him.

"But you don't look okay. Baby, talk to me," he brushed her bang away from her face.

"I just don't want _us_ to cause strife in your family. They're just now adjusting after the divorce..I don't want to stress you out," she had begun to feel emotional, her eyes welled at the thought of them having to break up because of this.

"You listen to me Olivia. I love my kids, and I love _you._ Do you understand that? I love you, Olivia. You're my person..the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with if you'll let me? I will tell you that everyday if I have to in order to get that through your head," he loved her and he knew the moment he decided to take a try at this, it would come with more obstacles that normal. But he found himself willing to do anything if it meant being able to be with her, and help raise her baby girl.

"What about Kathy?" she moved to stand in front of him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"What about her? If she wants to be upset over this, let her. It's my choice to help you raise Cecilia, and it'll be my choice to have anymore children with you," she pulled away to look at him directly, thrown off by what he had said.

"Um, did I hear you right? Y-you wanna have more..kids.. With..me?"

"I mean yeah, you can't sit there and tell me that you haven't at least given it some thought?"

"I _have_ but that's it, it's only been a thought. I know the circumstance hasn't been ideal, but I've been lucky enough to become a mother this year. And even more lucky to have you here with me, but another baby? I'm over 40, and you already have 5 kids of you own El, I'm-" her breathing had picked up slightly, anxiety setting in. They hadn't ever really discussed their future like this. Nothing besides the fact they wanted this to be long term, and hopefully for good. But the idea or essentially starting over together, starting a family..

"But Liv, _I_ want to. So what if you're over 40. Look at Kathy, Eli is a healthy little boy. If you're worried about me getting the job done-" he smirked.

"Elliot I'm trying to be serious," she pulled away from him entirely, heading down the hallway to his bedroom. Olivia didn't mean to walk away, but she had become easily flustered. This conversation had turned serious in a matter of minutes, and she felt overwhelmed with the direction they had turned.

It was only months ago when she gave up the idea of motherhood, then she was blessed with the opportunity, and now she was faced with the option of actually growing a family of her own- with Elliot.

"Olivia?" Elliot called out quietly, careful not to wake the baby. He peeked into his bedroom, only to find her pacing in front of the large window that peered into the city.

"I'm not upset with you, this is just- a lot," she could feel him standing behind her, he moved closer, only a few inches behind her.

"I didn't mean to scare you away, trust me," he cautiously wrapped his arms around her, and relaxed once she placed her hands over his. "I love the idea of us just being together with Cecilia and the kids, but I also love the idea of us having more kids together. Either way, I'm happy."

"I don't have answers for you right now, but I know that _this_ is what I want. You understand that right?" she tilted her head upwards to look at him.

"I do," he leaned forward and gently placed a kiss to her lips. "I love you."

"Love you," she kissed him back, and felt like she could finally relax. Things had been moving quickly over the past month, and the talk about their future and kids, and everything else in between was something she hadn't anticipated so soon. But for them, it worked.

"I didn't know that you could cook Olivia, this is really good!" Lizzie spoke with a mouth full of food. Thankfully all of the kids had come to dinner, even Kathleen had shown up on time. She had been quite distant towards Olivia, only saying a few words when she was spoken to.

"I can cook a few things without totally ruining them," she joked, taking a sip from her wine.

"Well this is great, thanks for cooking," she cut into her chicken, satisfied.

"It's no problem," silence fell over them, the giant elephant in the room only getting louder.

"So...I'm sure you guys heard that Mo already kind of spilled the beans to us," Lizzie spoke up again. Her face beamed, happy to finally talk about her father and Olivia.

"I didn't _spill_ the beans. You guys wouldn't stop bothering me about it!" Maureen rolled her eyes, making Olivia laugh a bit.

"Well..what do you guys think?" Elliot chimed in, he relaxed back in his chair next to Olivia, running his fingertips along her backside.

"I love everything about it! I love Olivia and I know she _really_ loves dad. And Cecilia is the cutest! It's almost like getting a new little sister! " Lizzie had rambled on, her eyes wide, and her tone vibrant.

"Slow down Liz, let your brother and sister get a word in," Elliot already had an idea on what Liz and Dickie would say, it Kathleen he was concerned about.

"It's cool with me, at least now it is," Dickie spoke up, making Olivia slightly blushed at the memory of him in the interrogation room.

"Daddy is Livia my new other mommy?" Eli looked up from his seat at Olivia with his huge blue eyes. She bit on her lower lip, trying to hold back the giant grin threatening to appear.

"Not quite buddy," Elliot ruffled his hair a bit, noticing how disappointed he was. "But I bet if you ask, she'd love to be your new best friend."

"Really?" Olivia nodded, not able to get out any words. Although she didn't see him as much, she always felt something special with Eli. She knew it had a lot to do with her being there for his unexpected birth, but she loved dearly either way.

"You're the best!" he hopped down from his chair, before coming around the table to sit in Olivia's lap. She was shocked at his enthusiasm, but overall satisfied that he had been elated about her being apart of his life.

"Kathleen?"

"It's whatever I guess," she shrugged her shoulders, pushing her food around on her plate. Olivia frowned although she already kind of knew what to expect.

"Just whatever?"

"It's just.. You guys say you've only been dating since you and mom got a separation, but that's a little hard to believe. There were always those rumors I'd hear, and the way you two so easily decided to raise a baby together.." she pursed her lips as though she were going to say something else, but went against it.

"Well for one, you know I would never cheat on your mother-"

"Not so sure about that dad."

"Kathleen are you kidding me? I've spent the past 20 years of my life dedicated to your mother and your mother only. And for you to think that Olivia would disrespect our marriage, like you're doing right now, is bullshit!"

"Elliot-" Olivia placed her hand over his shoulder, noticing how quickly he had gotten worked up. His temper beginning to get the best of him.

"You've been spending almost everyday at Olivia's playing house, I know you have because you're barely at the house anymore!" the young girl's eyes began welling with tears.

"It's called getting a divorce, idiot! Dad isn't gonna just hang around the house all day, because he doesn't live there anymore," Dickie had astonished them all when he lashed out at his sister.

"Easy now Dickie, I don't need you yelling at your sister too. Kathleen, I'm not around the house as much because this is apart of being divorced. Your mother and I are now learning to live separate lives, and if I keep hanging around there, I'll never learn. Olivia is in my life now and so is her beautiful baby girl," he paused to look over at her, squeezing her thigh gently. "But that doesn't mean that I'm over here 'playing house', and forgetting about you guys. Now that you guys know, we'll be able to spend more time together. And hopefully you'll get used to all of _this,_ because Olivia isn't going anywhere soon," his words were stern and final, letting Kathleen know that this wasn't up for debate. Olivia had sat there silent, not really sure if she should speak or not.

"I just want you all to know that your father and I didn't exactly plan for this happen. If i'm being completely honest, we were just as shocked as you all are that we've decided to be together. But I also want you to know that I would never intentionally take your father away from you, okay?" they each nodded, except Kathleen. Her eyes had been cast down low, avoiding eye contact completely. She felt grim about the way things had gone tonight. Olivia loved that Dickie was at least understanding, but didn't get why Kathleen had been so stubborn about the entire thing. Her accusatory attitude left an awful taste in her mouth, and had hoped it wouldn't be long before she let up a little.

The rest of the night had gone as well as it could, Kathleen's sour attitude led to calling it a night early. Before leaving to take her siblings home, Maureen had apologized to Olivia, and reassured her that Kathleen would come around. The divorce had obviously taken a toll on her the most, and her backlash was apart of it. Olivia understood of course, and tried to remain hopeful that things would start looking up.

She was in awe when Lizzie had made sure to give her a hug before leaving. Already asking when her and Maureen could go out to lunch with her. Even offering to watch Cecilia when her and Elliot went out. Olivia appreciated her eagerness to help out and to show that she was more than ecstatic about them being together.

Elliot stood at the entrance to his bedroom, leaning on the door frame, watching Olivia put the baby down for bed. Once she laid her in the bassinet she had brought over, she turned towards him, a small smile breaking.

"I'm so sorry about tonight," he stood up and walked over to her, enveloping her in his arms tightly.

"It's okay, she's just..angry," she tucked her face into the crook of his neck, and few stray tears soaking his skin.

"But you're not okay," he kissed the top of her and ran his hands along her back.

"I am, I promise," she couldn't pinpoint the exact reason she had been crying, because this was something she didn't normally do. It wasn't something she could explain at the moment. She wasn't upset, no. It may have just been everything that happened today, building up inside of her. From the conversation about babies, to Kathleen's outburst, she was just- tired.

"How about I draw you a hot bath to make up for my stubborn and bitter child?" he didn't wait for her to answer and instead pulled back, and began unbuttoning the front of her blouse. Elliot had learned the hard way years ago not to keep asking her if she was okay. Olivia was hard headed when it came to that.

"You're too good to me."

"Better get used to it, Benson."


	13. Case of the Ex

**Tuesday, August 15**

"I never thought I would ever see this in my lifetime," Olivia chuckled as she leaned against the doorframe to the kitchen. Elliot had Cecilia attached to him and snuggled into a baby wrap, while he cleaned a few dishes in the kitchen.

"Well get used to it, she loves this thing," he placed the last plate into the dishwasher, before hitting the start button. "Now why aren't you in the bath I just drew for you?" he walked over to her and placed a kiss to her temple.

"I thought the bath was a bit boring without you there," she toyed with the silk tie to her robe, her hardened nipples nearly piercing through the fabric.

"I think I can fix that," he pulled her close, careful of the baby, and kissed her momentarily before the doorbell had rang. "How about you go answer that and I'll put this little one to bed?" he pecked her lips one more time before going to lay down Cecilia in his bedroom.

When she opened the front door, she stood for a moment, wondering if her eyes had been fooling her.

"Kathy?"

"Olivia, I didn't know you would be here," the blonde looked her up and down, making Olivia pull her arms around her. "Is Elliot home?" the words sounded foreign coming out of her mouth. For the past decade it had been the other way around, Olivia always asking Kathy where Elliot was.

"Um, yeah he's putting the ba-" she stopped herself before she could even finish the word, baby. Kathy's disdain for her and Elliot practically raising Cecilia together didn't go unnoticed. Granted, Olivia hadn't spoken a word to her since before the divorce, but her actions over the past few weeks had proved her self-conscious mind right.

She thought that things would begin to fall even further into place after they broke the news to the kids, their captain, and eventually Kathy, but it had only gotten a bit more complicated. The few times during the week that Elliot would get to see the twins and Eli, if Kathy knew that Olivia would be with them, she would throw a complete fit. There had even been a few times when she wouldn't let Eli over on his weekends, if she knew Olivia would be around.

Things had been..tense.

"No need to censor yourself around me, him playing daddy isn't exactly a secret anymore," she scoffed and pushed past her. Olivia stood in disbelief, and took a deep breath, before closing the door and tying her robe a bit tighter.

"Listen, I know you're still upset about the way you found out about this and everything else, and I'm sorry Kathy. But the least you can do is try and respect our choice to be together," Olivia was slightly fuming on the inside, becoming more and more fed up with Kathy and her snarky remarks. It would be one thing for her to be offset by their relationship, but it was another for her to constantly feed lies to Kathleen, and accuse her of sleeping with Elliot way before the divorce.

"Respect? I lost that for you a while ago when I found out about all of this from my child, instead of Elliot," she stood with her arms crossed, dressed in a t shirt and jeans.

"That wasn't intentional, I hope you understand that. This all happened suddenly and if I-"

"It wasn't intentional? Olivia, I've seen the way you two have looked at each other for the past decade, and the only thing I could do is convince myself that you wouldn't do that to me- that you wouldn't give him the opportunity to sleep with you. Because let's be real, before the words would even leave your lips, he would jump at it in a heartbeat. But now..I'm convinced that you two have _been_ fucking-"

"Are you kidding me? Kathy, the only thing I have done is respect you and only show my loyalty to Elliot as his _partner-_ that is all I have been to him, and for you to come in our home and disrespect me like this-"

"Your home?" she laughed, which only made Olivia infuriated. The words had slipped before she could catch herself, but it hadn't been completely far from the truth. They had spent so much time at his place and hers, both places had been considered home.

"What the hell is your problem, Kathy?" Elliot appeared at entrance of the hallway with Cecilia cradled in his arms, which made Kathy nearly shit herself at just the sight. "I was trying to put the baby down, but it was kind of hard with you in here picking a fight with Olivia. You can either sit around and be miserable, blaming her for our marriage falling apart, or you can accept that her and I are together. I've had enough!" his voice had risen just a bit, still careful of the baby in his arms. Olivia stood, taken aback that he had stood up for her so effortlessly.

"You can't possibly sit there and tell me that this hasn't been going on for years. You're both full of shit, Elliot!"

"I can't take this any longer," Olivia shook her head, laughing slightly and took the baby from Elliot's arms, before disappearing down the hallway. He had seen the glossy look in her eyes just before she had turned away from him, and felt himself shatter.

"I think it's time for you to leave. I thought we were both grown enough to discuss Eli's new school schedule and the twins, but I guess not," he hated this more than anything. It was never his intention to hold off on telling Kathy for so long, but he had been trying to keep his word to Olivia and keep their relationship under wraps from everyone. The last thing he needed was for her to run because things were moving too fast.

"You'll learn soon enough that playing daddy to a baby that isn't yours will end badly. Just wait until your first fight, and she runs off with your little _baby girl_. You'll regret all of the time you've spent over here, instead of with your own kids," she smirked, satisfied that she hit him just far enough below the belt. He stood with his fists held so tight, the knuckles of his hands had turned completely white. Without saying another word, she had let herself out, leaving Elliot in a rage.

He hadn't been expecting for everything to be perfect, and fall into place once they told everyone, but he did expect _some_ things to be better. It pained him to see Kathy lash out on Olivia the way she did, and to drag the kids into this by not letting him see them during his schedule time because of this. He got it, she was angry with him for moving on so quickly, for being there for Olivia probably much more than he had been there for her during their entire marriage. And he had owned up to his many mistakes plenty of times, he just wished that Kathy would just let it go. That she would let this divorce be an opportunity for them to become better coparents, to do better at communicating, but instead she was giving him shit and punishing Olivia for their breakup.

He sighed as he made sure all of the locks had been set, and turned off every light as he made his way back to his bedroom. He peeked inside the bedroom before entering, and immediately noticed that the baby had been asleep in the bassinet, but Olivia was nowhere to be seen.

"I'm in here," he heard her voice faintly call from the bathroom, lit by only a few candles. He was shocked to see that she had submerged herself in the bath he had drawn for her a while ago, but also glad to see that she had been okay- well she at least _looked_ okay.

"Look Liv, I'm-"

"I don't want to talk about that right now," she said calmly, her eyes low and her dark waves clipped up, only a few tendrils dipping into the water. "If I remember correctly, you were supposed to be joining me in here," she held her hand out, signaling for him to rid himself of his clothes. Olivia knew she had to talk about what had just happened in there sooner or later, but right now she wanted _him_ and only him. She didn't want to talk about divorces, or kids, or the never ending conversation about her running- she just wanted him.

He complied, stripping himself bare before climbing in the tub behind her, his thighs resting on the outside of hers. She leaned against him, her back flush against his chest. He felt her body hum as he ran his hand along the curves of her body, starting at her thighs and moving their way up to her breasts. His hand kneaded one, while the other travelled down her abdomen, stopping just above her waistline, causing a protest to erupt from her mouth.

"Tonight is about you, but I'm going to need for you to be patient baby," he whispered softly into her ear, nipping her neck. Her hands gripped his toned thighs, trying to withstand from straddling him and demanding that he stopped this game of _patience_.

His hand moved further down, sliding his fingers over her heat, the tips of his fingers penetrating her entrance only for a moment before pulling away, and starting the tortuous cycle again. She bit her lower lip, stifling the moans threatening to escape from her mouth. She tried to open her legs a bit wider for him, but was held in place by his thighs.

The water had cooled down, but her body had been on fire, the heat of his touch radiating throughout her entire body. He knew she was close, the way her body writhed beneath from just the touch of his hand. Before he could slide his hand away, she stopped his hand at her entrance, pushing her hips forward, hoping to gain some relief in her aching core.

"El," His name fell from her lips when he slid both fingers into her. She tossed her head back as her back arched into him. They had been submerged in water, but he could feel just how wet she had been for him. Her breathing had become hitched, and her body had become tight, barely allowing his fingers to withdraw from her. It drove him crazy how easily she would come for him, how quickly her body responded to him.

He pulled her chin up to capture her lips, stifling her moans as her orgasm tore through her body. He thrived off of this, pulling her to the edge and feeling her body react against his. He waited a few moments, her head rested against him as her breathing even out, before he stepped out of the tub and wrapped himself in a towel before grabbing her robe. Elliot reached out his hand to help her stand up, and placed her robe on her body. He pulled her close to him, placing his face in the crook of her neck.

"You will always be mine," he whispered into her ear, as his hands travelled along her backside and gripped her ass lightly. "No matter what- mines," she knew that he was trying to reassure her that everything would be okay. And she knew that he couldn't really promise that, but she chose to believe him anyway.

"I love you, Elliot," she pulled back slightly, taking a moment to look at him directly before kissing his lips softly. "I don't care what happens, I would never take Cecila away from you. She's yours just as much as she is mines. Don't you ever forget that," she caressed his face, kissing him one more time before pulling him into the bedroom. Kathy's words hadn't gone unheard, and the last thing she wanted for Elliot to think, was that she would ever take Cecilia away from him. She was beginning to accept that she couldn't sway Kathy's opinion on their relationship, at least not now. She understood- Kathy was angry and upset.

So, for now she only wanted for her and Elliot to try their best, for the kids at least. Kathy wasn't making this transition any easier for them, and the last thing she wanted was for them to feel the need to choose sides. They would deal with this and soon- just not tonight.

"Please, let's go to bed."

 **Wednesday, August 16**

Olivia woke up the next morning, and rolled over, hoping to find Elliot asleep next to her, but his side of the bed had been empty and ice cold. She sat up on her elbows to check if Cecilia had still been asleep in her bassinet, which had been moved to Elliot's side of the room. She smiled when she realized he had gotten out of bed for her 4am feeding, and let her sleep.

She slipped out of bed and threw on her robe, before searching for Elliot throughout the apartment. The smell of fresh coffee filled her nostrils once she opened the bedroom door. He must have been in the kitchen making breakfast. She peeked around the corner, watching him while he whisked a bowl of eggs.

Olivia stood for a moment, curious if this had really become her life. Six months ago, if someone had told her that she would become a mother and get to wake up next to Elliot every morning, she would swear that they were lying. Never once could she imagine raising her baby girl with him, or hell even _being_ with him. But here she was, grinning ear to ear, watching the love of her life making breakfast for them both before going into work together.

"Good morning baby," she stood behind him, and wrapped her arms around his muscular torso, craving his body heat.

"I just made a fresh pot of coffee, and I'll have eggs and toast ready in a few," he poured the contents of his bowl into the pan, before turning around to kiss her good morning.

"I told you I don't need you pampering me," she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in for another kiss.

"I'm not pampering you, I'm just making breakfast."

"Yeah breakfast and getting up with the baby, drawing me baths-"

"It's because I want to, so let me," and he meant every word. For years, he sat by and watched every man walk in and out of Olivia's life, each and every one of them not worthy of her love. She deserved better- she deserved him.

"At least let me help," she tried to reach behind him, but her hand had been swatted away.

"No, you sit," he pointed across the kitchen to the counter. She rolled her eyes and hopped on the counter, regretfully accepting the cup of coffee he quickly poured for her. "I don't want to spoil your morning-"

"Then don't," she interrupted him, aware that he was about to bring up last night.

"Olivia.."

"Kathy hates me and that's that. I can't do anything to change her mind," he removed the pan from the stove before walking over to her, standing between her legs.

"But it shouldn't be like this. You don't deserve to be blamed, and you definitely don't deserve her backhanded comments," he placed both hands on either thigh, rubbing his thumbs along them.

"I just don't want her using me as a reason to keep you away from your kids. So I'll just stay out of the way. All of your weekends with them from now on, I'll stay at my place," his eyebrow furrowed.

"The hell you are. I want you in my kids lives just as much as I am in Cecilia's. Kathy will not and cannot keep me away from my kids. Okay?" his hands slid from her thighs and up her back, pulling her close to him and burying his face into her dark waves. She nodded her head, choosing to put all her faith in him and to trust him completely. "Now let's eat before it's time to go in," he pulled back, threading his fingers through her hair. This was his favorite part of the day, the way she looked when she woke in the morning. Her hair had always been a tousled mess, most times from their lovemaking the night before. The touch of her skin had always been incredibly soft, and untouched from the harsh debris of their jobs. And the warmth of her body on his, keeping him warm from the morning chill. He was deeply in love with her, and craved her in every single way.


	14. Children Always Know Best?

She was close..she was so _fucking_ close she thought she was gonna..

"Don't scream," Elliot hissed into Olivia's ear as he had her face down across the bed, and her ass perfectly arched upwards, as he drove her to her second orgasm that night. Something in her had switched on, something that made her _ache_ for him constantly. She had been insatiable for the past week, taking Elliot by surprise. But _this_ was the part of being in a new relationship that he had forgotten about, and he was enjoying every moment.

"Please," she pleaded with him when he stopped his movements, worried that she would wake the kids who had been asleep across the hall and in the living room. They had had a full house when all of them kids decided to come over to Olivia's instead this weekend, all of them including Maureen _and_ Kathleen. Olivia had been in awe at the shift that had happened between her and Kathleen, both of them taking caution towards a better understanding of one another.

"Promise you won't scream," he had pulled himself almost completely out of her, before sinking slowly back into her. A tortuous rhythm he had kept up almost all night. She had moaned deeply, gripping onto the bedsheets, attempting to keep quiet. She pushed back into him when she felt his searing kisses trail up her spine, before he pulled her hair back, bringing her lips to his.

He knew this wasn't the most intimate position, but he also knew that she loved this one the most. This way he was able to sink himself even deeper into her, closing those few millimeters that made it nearly impossible for her to hold on much longer.

"I.." she nearly screamed when he continued to pull almost completely out of her and then sinking in again. It was almost painful the way he perfectly executed hitting her g-spot every time. Her walls had clutched onto him each time he pulled out, not wanting to let the feel of him go.

"You're killing me Liv," he knew that they should stop, or at least that _he_ should stop, but she had felt so..

"Daddy?" they had both heard the small voice coming across the hall, and only a second had passed before they both had found themselves scrounging to find the clothes they had discarded long ago.

"Shit," Olivia breathed out as she rushed to tie the robe she had managed to find across the room.

"Eli, honey what's wrong?" she almost stumbled to the door, her legs still almost like jello, trying to buy Elliot some time to calm himself down.

"Livia I had a bad dream," she reached down to pick him up, snuggling him close much like she did to Cecilia.

"How about we get you some warm milk, and then I'll stay with you until you fall asleep again?" He had thought for a moment before shaking his head 'no'. "Eli, they're just dreams they can't hurt you," she ran her hand through his blonde curls, giving him a soft smile.

"I wanna sleep with you and daddy," she groaned inwardly, seeing that she wouldn't be getting that second orgasm she had been aching for. But she knew this was just another tricky obstacle that came along with being parents, and accepted it regretfully.

"Buddy, don't you wanna sleep in Cecilia's room? Remember you're supposed to be roommates this weekend?" Elliot tried to talk him into staying across the hall, but the young boy wasn't having it. Both of them accepted their defeat, and Olivia carried him into the kitchen for that glass of milk, while Elliot changed their bedsheets.

"You wanna tell me about your dream?" She placed him on the counter, and grabbed a glass from the cabinet.

"The monster came in the house and took away my little sister," his baby blues had turned glossy, as tears filled his eyes. Her heart had nearly warmed when the words fell from his mouth.

"Oh baby, no monster is gonna take away Cecilia, ever," she stood in front of him, as he sipped his warm milk, wanting to do nothing more than snuggle him close to her. He had grown attached to her lately, and she had to admit she loved it more than anything.

"Not _that_ baby, this baby," he poked his finger to her stomach making her gasp.

"Oh no honey there's no baby in there," and there definitely wasn't. Elliot had told her how much Eli had been wanting _another_ little sister since Cecilia had been 'so great!', and didn't think anything of it.

"But Livia _there is!_ " he was growing frustrated with her, upset that she didn't believe him. Meltdowns from a four year old wasn't exactly something she had grown used to.

"Eli, I know you want _another_ little sister but daddy and I can't give you one right now," she wiped the stray tear from his face that had fallen, and kissed his forehead. "But for now, Cecilia _really_ needs you to be a good big brother to her, and you can't do that if there's another new baby," he let up a little, a small smile breaking through.

"She's gots lots of learning to do huh?"

"Yeah and she needs you to teach her," she ran her fingers through his blonde curls, elated to see how much love he had for her baby girl.

"I love you Livia," he jumped from the counter and into her arms, causing a giggle to escape from her.

"I love you too baby," there had never been a time where she had thought her and Eli would have become this close. He had been like her own in such a short amount of time, she couldn't even fathom the idea of Kathy taking him away.

"How about we go to bed?"

It wasn't quite morning just yet with sun just barely rising over the city. She hasn't slept very well with Eli between them, tossing and turning, and wasn't shocked that she had woken up so early.

"Good morning," Elliot whispered when he seen her eyes slowly open. He hovered over her with his head resting in the palm of his hand. She smiled instantly when she seen that he had been up too.

"Where's Eli?"

"I carried him across the hall..I needed to finish what we started last night," he pulled her closer, his hand skimming the hem of the oversized shirt she wore.

"You better hurry before the baby wakes up," she yelped when he had nearly straddled her body, careful not to put his weight on her and pinning her arms to the bed. He had woken up in an indescribable mood from the moment he had looked over and seen her sleeping next to him this morning. Elliot was..in love- deeply in love with her and he had noticed a change in their relationship that was for the better.

"Elliot!" her words had been cut short when he pulled her bottom lip into his and kissed her intensely. Her laughs had died down completely when he had moved between her legs, and caressed her thighs before moving his hands beneath her shirt only to discover she hadn't worn any panties to bed.

"No goddamn panties?" he smirked and she laughed lazily, sending a chill up his spine. It drove him crazy when she did that.

"I believe you ripped them off and threw them somewhere around here," her moans had filled the room when he buried his face into her neck, kissing and suckling until he left a mark. He pulled away from her for just a moment to look at her- to _really_ look at her for the first time in a while. It was nearing 7 in the morning and she was so damn stunning. Her tousled hair and glowing makeup free face had left him speechless.

"What?"

"You are just _so_ beautiful," she rolled her eyes and scoffed, shrugging the complement off. "I'm serious. How did I get to be the lucky bastard who got to be with you?" his hand skimmed up her thigh before bringing it to wrap around his hip, and buried himself deep within her. He covered her mouth with his, stifling the moans that seeped from her body. He couldn't bare to wait one more second without being inside of her. She had welcomed the intrusion fully, her body stretching effortlessly.

His thrusts had been slow and torturous at first, burying himself to the hilt, making sure he closed every aching millimeter between them. It was when her walls began to clamp onto him, when his pace had quickened, fucking into her relentlessly.

"Baby, I'm about to.." she could hardly get the words out, her senses overpowering her. They had made love plenty of times, but lately it had felt _different_ \- more passionate. Both of them pouring their love for each other into each thrust, kiss, and touch.

"Let it go Liv," he grunted into her ear, along with other things to coach her on to her climax. From the moment he slid into her, he had been fighting the urge to come inside her right then and there, but he was losing the strength to fight back any longer.

His words had been her undoing, and sent her over the edge. Her hands had scratched at his back, as her teeth bit into his shoulder, trying to keep her screams to a minimum. He had followed closely behind her, sinking into her and pausing, holding on tightly to her hips, pouring himself into her. It was a sensation she could never get enough of, one that would always leave her wanting more of him, if that was even possible.

Elliot rested his head on her stomach, reaching up running his hand over her silken skin. Both of her hands laced into his cropped hair, massaging his scalp. Neither of them had said a word, but instead admired the silence. He had turned on his stomach and began kissing his way up to her lips. The kiss had been languid and soft, him nipping at her bottom lip.

"Sleep. I'll wake you when breakfast is ready," he had kissed her once more, before easing off the top of her and out of bed to throw on his sweatpants. The exhaustion in her eyes didn't go unnoticed, and he had felt guilty.

He pulled the covers over her before kneeling down to thread his fingers through her hair, and kissed her now swollen lips. She hadn't planned on arguing with him, because he was right; sleep was what she needed. The act of balancing motherhood, work, and her relationship with Elliot, she had been well- _tired_

"I love you," he whispered into her ear, as she fell asleep. He stayed, just watching her until her breaths had evened out. It had been his favorite sound, the silence of the atmosphere mixed with the steady rhythm of her breathing.

He snuck out of the room, and went to check on Cecilia and Eli. It didn't surprise him that they both were still sleeping soundly. Hoping to get a head start, he went into the kitchen to start making breakfast.

"I'm shocked to see you're all awake," he seen his girls _and_ Dickie lounging around the sectional, watching Saturday cartoons. It had brought back an image of 10 years ago, reminding him of when they used to do this when they were little. He smiled to himself, happy that all of his kids were under one roof for the first time in months, thanks to Olivia. _She_ had been the one who had urged them all to come over this weekend, not wanting the fall out with Kathy to interfere.

"We wanna go shopping today and we were hoping Olivia would come," Maureen spoke up, coming around the breakfast bar.

"She's exhausted Mo.."

"At least let me _ask_ her dad. You're so protective over her," the young girl rolled her eyes, earning a laugh from her father.

"You girls are something else- you know that?" He gathered what he needed from the fridge and set it on the counter.

"We can't help it, we love her dad," she leaned on the counter, watching her dad stir the pancake mix.

"More than me?" He smirked at her, amused.

"I don't think anyone loves Olivia as much as you dad," he shrugged. She had been right. "Anyway, when will she be up? The shops are opening soon."

"Don't go bothering her, she'll be up when breakfast is ready. Now shoo," he motioned with his hands for her to go back into the living room. He couldn't help the obnoxious grin that formed on his face. All of his girls were finally under one roof, and _happy_ for once. Even Kathleen had been coming around more often. He didn't want to jinx it and get too comfortable, but he just _knew_ deep down that this had to be it for him. That this is where he was meant to be all along.

After getting to sleep in for a few hours, the moment Olivia had woken up the girls had been begging her all morning to go shopping with them. Her body had been screaming at her to stay home and rest, but she didn't want to disappoint. So she trudged out of bed, threw on a sundress and sandals, and made her best effort.

From the beginning Lizzie had made it clear that before they ended their shopping trip today, she needed to find a dress for her homecoming in a few weeks. Which meant spending almost an hour in every store, _ooohing_ and _ahhhing_ at each dress she tried on. Olivia had been elated that she even wanted her to be apart of this, but after hitting hour 3, she had just been ready to go home and snuggled in bed with Cecilia.

She must be getting sick.

She rolled her eyes internally when it dawned on her that she might have been coming down with something. Now was probably the worst time to get sick, and she had been hoping a good nights sleep tonight would help.

"Lizzie this looks exactly like the dress from the other store!" Maureen nagged at her sister when she emerged from the dressing room in a fitted lace dress, that was a deep red and had a small train.

"No it's not! See," she turned around revealing a line of buttons that went down her back.

"Buttons? Really? That's literally the only difference!"

"Shut up!"

"You can't tell me to shut up! _You_ shut up!" Olivia massaged her temples, her headache only getting stronger after dealing with their bickering all day.

"Girls!" All three of them had looked over at Olivia, taking only seconds for them to quiet down. "I think what we all need is a break, yeah? Let's go down to the food court and grab some lunch on me," a look of guilt had washed over their faces, seeing the stressed look on Olivia's face.

"Sorry Olivia," Maureen had spoken up.

"Yeah, we're all sorry. Maybe we can do this next weekend. You don't look too good," Kathleen suggested, receiving a head nod from her sisters.

"You girls sure you don't mind?"

"We're more than sure. Let's order something to go and watch a few movies?"

"I'd actually love that," she smiled, relieved that they hadn't been upset with her.

"I can't believe they gave you such a hard time. I told them to be on their best behavior," they had both laid in bed after what felt like an incredibly long day, catching up on crap tv.

"Relax El. They're sisters, what do you expect?" she ran her hands along Cecilia's back, while she slept across her chest. "Besides, next weekend there's supposed to be a big sale happening at a shop I know she'll fall in love with."

"Did I tell you what Eli said to me last night?" he shook his head no. "He brought up his _little_ sister being in his nightmare, and I assumed he meant Cecilia. But no, he corrected me and told me that it was his sister in here," she pointed at her stomach the same way that Eli had done that night.

"Olivia- are you trying to tell me that you're.." his eyes had grew twice in size, and the grin on his face had reached from ear to ear.

"Oh no no, Elliot he keeps saying there's a baby in there but there isn't," she felt like a complete asshole for the way she worded that. The pure happiness that appeared on his face had broken her heart in two. "I'm sorry El," and she was shocked as well. The brought up the idea of having a child together maybe once or twice, but judging by his reaction she could tell it had been something he wanted badly.

"It's okay," he grabbed her free hand and brought it to his lips. "But you know sometimes kids are right about these things.."

"Elliot I'm 100% positive that I'm not pregnant," she rolled her eyes playfully.

"Wouldn't it be great though? Cecilia will have someone to grow up with and be a big sister too," the way his entire body had lit up made her that much more excited for the future. It was only a month ago that she had been scared shitless to even bring up the subject of having another baby, and now she couldn't shake the idea away.

"Maybe in another year or so," she smiled small and leaned in to give him a kiss. "I'm gonna go put this little one to bed," he ran his hand over Cecilia's blond curls and kissed the top of her head. "Don't fall asleep, we still have one more episode of Game of Thrones left!" she warned him before going across the hall.

Everything had been changing awfully fast between them, but for the better. It was hard for Elliot to believe it had been less than six months since they became serious about one another, and here they were practically planning a future together.

He had spent years trying to convince himself that Olivia wasn't meant to be anything more than just his partner, and he was beyond happy that he took a chance and listened to his heart. Never in a million years would he have thought he would be spending every night sleeping next to his best friend, planning a life together.


	15. Chapter 15

**everyone last chapter predicted that Olivia is pregnant..well..um**

 **Tuesday, September 5**

"Promise you'll call me if you need anything," Elliot kissed Olivia's forehead before pulling the heated blanket over her body.

Her suspicions last weekend had been right.

Olivia had caught the flu.

"I'm fine Elliot, it's just a 24 hour bug. I'll be back at work tomorrow-"

"Liv, this isn't just a bug. You have the flu, and you're definitely not going to work tomorrow," Elliot insisted. Even with a horrible case of vomiting, congestion, migraines, and an achy body, she was still putting up a fight.

"Elliot I'm fine," she protested before blowing her nose. He shook his head, astounded that she was still trying to prove she would be okay tomorrow.

"You and I both know you're in no condition to go back to work, and if you even try to leave tomorrow morning I'll handcuff you to this bed."

She laughed. "Elliot you can't be serious?"

"Try to leave tomorrow and you will see," his eyebrows raised, attempting to be serious, but had to admit he was entertained by her attempts. "You get some rest. I'll be by for lunch to bring you some soup," he threaded his fingers through her hair, and kissed her forehead one more time before leaving.

Olivia had felt awful, but was she going to admit that? Absolutely not. She had come down with the flu, and Elliot had been treating her like she was on her deathbed. Even going to the extent of sending Cecilia over to Maureen's so she wouldn't catch what Olivia had. She missed her baby girl terribly, and all she wanted was for this stupid flu to go away.

After spending hours watching watching every housewives show there was, and trying to fall asleep, she finally gave in and took a dose of medicine hoping it would knock her out and it did. She had been asleep all morning, only waking when she felt Elliot rubbing her head to wake her up like he always did.

"Good to see you actually listened and got some rest," he said softly to her once her eyes had opened. As much as she wanted to reply with a witty comeback, she resisted and instead smiled back. She had to admit that she had missed him all morning, and wished that she hadn't forced him to go to work this morning.

"What did you bring me?" she sat up, revealing the oversized t shirt she wore- Elliot's t shirt.

"You're gonna love this. I got you some potato soup from that mom and pop restaurant we went to a few blocks over."

"You're too good to me," he hated that she had been sick, but he loved being able to take care of her, because for once she let him without putting up too much of a fight. He opened the styrofoam container it had been in and handed it to her. The smell had offset her nausea just a bit, but she needed some food in her body desperately.

"You feeling any better since I left you this morning?"

"I've got this pain creeping up on me, almost like cramps, but I just got my period last week," she blew on the spoonful of soup before indulging in her first bite.

"Maybe it's hunger pains...you haven't eaten anything since yesterday afternoon."

"Yeah you're probably right," she smiled weakly, suddenly feeling tired again.

He looked at his watch, disappointed that he already had to get going. "Liv I gotta get back to the precinct, but I'm gonna try and come home early. I love you," he leaned in and kissed her lips quickly.

"I love you," and like that he had been out the door.

She absolutely despised being sick.

There was no Elliot, no Cecilia, and barely any sanity left being left alone all day.

Six dreadful hours had passed before Elliot had finally made it home, and she had never been more elated to see him walk through the front door. Olivia had hoped he would have brought her baby girl home, but she knew she had still been too sick to be around her. She also threw her argument about returning to work tomorrow out the window, even admitting to herself that she was in no condition to return. Those cramps she had been feeling all day had only gotten worse, the only thing making them subside when she had been sleep. So, she took another dose of medicine and slept until she felt the familiar comfort of Elliot's arms around her body once he had gotten home.

She had woken up in the middle of the night to go use the restroom, when she noticed she had been bleeding. Olivia had been at a loss trying to figure out what it had been, since her period had come and gone already. It was when she had reached over to grab a tampon from her counter drawer when those awful cramps had returned, this time the pain had nearly sent her to the ground.

"Elliot!" she cried out, her vision feeling blurred from the pain in her lower abdomen. Barely a second had gone by before he had appeared at the door of the bathroom.

"Liv?" he had leapt to the floor once he had seen the blood dripping down her legs. "Baby what's wrong?"

"El it hurts- it hurts so bad I-" another piercing pain had shot through her. She had fallen on all fours to the ground, her forehead against the cooling tile of the bathroom.

"We need to get you to the hospital now," he attempted to help her get onto her feet, but she had cried out even louder.

"I don't think I can walk El," without another thought, he had scooped her up bridal style and grabbed his keys before speeding to the hospital, praying to god that everything would be alright.

The 15 minute drive to the emergency room had felt like an eternity, the screams and cries coming from Olivia making the drive almost intolerable. Elliot had wanted to relieve her pain badly. His mind had wandered off to the worst possible scenarios, wanting nothing more than for Olivia to be out of discomfort.

As soon as they had pulled up to the emergency entrance, he had carried her the same way into the hospital. Thankfully Olivia had gotten admitted right away, and examined by the nearest doctor on call. They had given her medication to help subside her pain, and done a few blood tests. It would be almost an hour before they heard anything, and the nurses had made sure to make Olivia feel as comfortable as possible, placing her in a private room- per Elliot's request.

"How are you feeling baby?" Elliot had sat closely next to her bed, rubbing her head while he leaned in closely to her. He had just had one of the biggest scares of his life, and couldn't even fathom the idea of something happening to her.

"I just want to go home," he laughed lightly, happy to see she that she wasn't in pain anymore.

"I promise as soon as they give the okay, I'll take you home and we can snuggle in bed with C," he had been trying his best to feed her positive thoughts to get her mind off of what was happening. She had still been bleeding, and surely she still would've been in pain if it weren't for the pain medications they had given her.

"I'd love that so much..I miss her like crazy!" her eyes had welled with tears, the trauma of tonight getting the best of her.

"Don't cry Liv," he stood and hugged her, bringing her head to his chest and bending to kiss the top of her head. "Everything will be okay. Whatever the doctor comes in here and tells us, whether it be good or bad news, we'll get through it," she held onto him tightly, the feel of his arms wrapped around her making her feel at home no matter where she was. Olivia had begun to wonder what she had done to deserve him. From the moment he had made the promise months ago to love her no matter how much she tried pushing him away. He loved every part of her, every flaw, and she had never been grateful to have him in her life.

"Olivia..how are you? The meds working out okay?" the doctor had entered the room, with a clipboard full of papers in her hands. She had pulled up a stool next to Olivia, preparing herself to read back her test results. Elliot had taken a seat on the other side of her, intertwining his fingers with hers.

"I'm fine, what did my blood tests say?"

"Well..I have some news that may be upsetting to you, but I want you to know that this is very common with women your age," she paused for a moment and looked over her papers again. "Olivia, it appears that you were pregnant-"

"Pregnant?" she had interrupted her, not sure if she had heard her correctly.

"Yes.."

"Wait you said _were.._ "

"It looks like the bleeding and the cramping were from the result of a miscarriage. My best guess is that you were around 4-5 weeks. Which would explain why you didn't show any symptoms of pregnancy yet," she had paused hoping to get a response from Olivia, but all that she could do was stare down at her hands and try to process all of this information.

She was pregnant.

She _had_ been pregnant.

She had been pregnant with Elliot's child, and she had lost it.

"Olivia, please know that a miscarriage is more common than most women think, and that it doesn't mean you can't try again in a few months," she took a chance and gave her hand a light squeeze.

"We weren't really trying to get pregnant..do you know why this happened? Why I.." she couldn't even get herself to say the word. It had felt foreign and left a bad taste in her mouth. Elliot had held onto her hand tighter, bringing it to his lips. He had been speechless too, his worst fear coming true- the loss of a child.

"This early into a pregnancy it's hard to determine the exact reason why. There could be a number of reasons it happened this early: lacking chromosomes, hormonal imbalances, your uterus maybe isn't quite strong enough yet to carry an embryo..I don't want you to worry. If you would let me, I'd love to take you on as a patient and help you. Lucky for you I specialize in fertility and high risk pregnancies, and if you at any point reconsider actively trying for a baby.."

"This is all just a little too much right now."

"How about I come back in the morning, and give you two some time alone?" she gave a small smile before exiting the room and closing the door behind her.

"Baby.." Elliot said softly when he heard a whimper escape from her. She covered her mouth trying to hold back the cries trying to escape from her. He climbed into the small bed next to her, bringing her body closer to his. Her leg crossed over him, and her head rested on his chest causing her tears to dampen his shirt.

"I'm sorry it's just..I didn't even want to think about having another baby, and now that I lost one I didn't even get a chance to know about.."

"Don't you ever apologize for feeling the way you feel. It doesn't matter if we were trying or not, losing a baby is hard Liv," he ran his hand up her back, trying his best to comfort her with his words. If he had been completely honest, he had no idea what to do to help her get through this. He was upset himself yes, but he had no idea how it felt losing a life that was once inside of you.

"What if this means I can't have kids? That there's something wrong with me? I seen the light in your eyes last week when you thought for just a split second that I was pregnant. I know for a fact that you want to have another baby with me, and I'm terrified that I can't give that to you," it had killed him to see her like this- in such a vulnerable state.

"You have already given me the best thing I could ever ask you for. You gave this New York cop with an insane temper a chance on love, and you've let me help you raise a beautiful baby girl for the past five months...and besides, this might just be a sign that it isn't our time right now to add to our family you know? I firmly believe everything happens for a reason Liv, we just have to be patient," he kissed her forehead, praying to god that he and Olivia would get through this. The last thing he wanted was for her to think that he would leave her because of this.

"I just want to be able to make you happy…"

"And you already do. I don't want you to worry that I'm going to leave you one day because we can't have a baby. I love _you,_ Olivia, and we're gonna get through this okay?" he pulled the blankets over her body that suddenly looked small and fragile, before turning out the lights. "Try to get some sleep baby."

 **I'm sorry..kind of :(**


	16. Follow Up

**Wednesday, September 6**

"Olivia, did you hear me?"

"Yeah..yeah, I'm sorry."

It was the next morning, and Olivia had been set to be discharged later that day. Everything that had happened last night still hadn't quite set in, and her mind had wandered off every once in awhile. The idea that there had once been a life growing inside of her for just 5 short weeks..it was something she couldn't wrap her head around. She had felt like she had been stuck in limbo, between feeling angry and upset..her emotions had been everywhere it had been killing her that she couldn't pinpoint just exactly how she had been feeling.

"Well first, Maureen says she sends her love, and is going to bring Cecilia home before dinner, that okay with you?" he stood next to her in bed, and threaded his fingers through her chestnut waves. Elliot knew she had a lot going through her head right now, and didn't want to be too overbearing while she got through this.

"I don't know El, I really wanted to see her as soon as we got home," the only thing she had been wanting to do since last night was hold Cecilia close, and shower her with love and sweet nothings.

"Are you sure you don't want to try and get a nap in before? I don't want it to be too much while you're still.."

"Still what? Waiting for my body to rid itself of what's left of our baby? I don't need you treating me like I'm gonna break, I'm fine!" her voice had risen, shocking Elliot and even herself with her outburst. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay," he smiled softly and leaned to kiss her temple. "I'll tell Maureen to bring her around 1," he chose to overlook her outburst, figuring that she was still trying her best to come to terms with what had just happened. Elliot had been hurting too, but he knew that right now he needed to be strong for her right now and try his best to help her deal.

"El, I just really need her right now, I didn't mean to yell at you- I'm just really confused right now on what or how to _feel_ ," she had swallowed hard trying to make the lump in her throat disappear, but had failed once she felt the tears escape from her eyes. "You know I _really_ didn't want to even consider having another baby until a year or so from now, but _now_.."

"You're starting to realize just how much you actually do want one?"

"Yeah..the idea of having one- especially with you, scared me shitless but I knew deep down it was something I wanted in the future..and that's the thing- I wanted it in the _future._ And now I have this image of a baby that's ours and I can't shake it out of my mind. I can't help but think about if our baby was a girl or a boy, how excited you would have been, or what it feels like to have a tiny human just kicking away at you. And I'm angry because I was _so_ fucking close to having that and it was taken away from me before I even knew it existed," her face had been soaked with tears, and her eyes were already swelling. She hadn't expected for this to be such a life altering experience, for all of her wants to suddenly be shifted and focused on this one desire to suddenly have another baby.

She always ended up wanting something she couldn't have.

"I can't give you any advice on how you should deal with this, or what's normal to feel, but I _can_ give you my word when I say that I'll do everything it takes to see you happy. Whether that means trying for a baby in a month or even a year from now..I wanted that baby too Liv," he held both of her hands in his and kissed the tops of them. "Remember awhile back when I told you I wanted to be in yours and Cecilia's lives for the long haul? I meant it. I want those Sunday dinners and family vacations, I want it all- and one day we'll get all of that. I promise you baby," he hated seeing her like this. And it killed him everytime he looked into her eyes and seen the sadness trying to hide behind them.

"I'll never understand why you love me so much," she managed to give him a small smile, and tilted her head up to connect her lips with his.

"You've had my six for the past decade, and now I've got yours. Now let's get you dressed and out of here so we can go be with our baby girl," he reached out his hand and helped her out of bed and guided her to the bathroom to help her change.

 **Saturday, September 9**

The past few days had been more challenging than both Elliot and Olivia had anticipated. He had thought that maybe once they had gotten home and settled in so that she could make a speedy recovery, everything would soon smooth over and they could attempt to get back to reality. But he had been wrong...so so wrong. Before the leaving the hospital, she had been reminded by the doctor that she would be bleeding for the next week or so, so that her body body could completely rid itself of the embryo inside of her. The words had stung when they left the doctor's mouth, but she knew it was only her job to be completely truthful with her.

Olivia had always been strong and able to get through what most people wouldn't even care to think about, but this- _this_ had been something she had been struggling to deal with. The topic of motherhood had always been a touchy subject for her, especially once she realized having a child wasn't something that would happen for her in this lifetime. And this miscarriage had brought on a whirlwind of emotions and feelings she hadn't ever realized she had towards becoming a mother. She had been content- truly, with having Cecilia finally. Accepting that Alex had been gone, and it was her duty to be a mother to her, no matter how it came about.

But this whole ordeal had made her realize that she wanted more- more with Elliot. It had been sudden the way that he had become a father figure to Cecilia, but she loved every minute of it. The way he had been so willing to make sure Olivia had all of the help she needed, how he loved and treated Cecilia so much like his own. She loved it so much that she wanted another child with him one day, but she had already settled in her mind that it wouldn't ever happen. Not only had her age been a factor, but Elliot had already had a family of his own and all of his children had basically been out of the house. She didn't want to bother him with that. But when he had confessed to her that expanding his family was something he wanted with her, she had gotten a little bit of hope that one day she would be able to carry Elliot Stabler's child inside of her.

That was up until Tuesday night.

She had been struggling all week, trying to grasp onto the idea that she had been pregnant and now their baby had been gone in an instant. She hadn't even known that baby, but she loved and missed it already. _It would've been great,_ she thought. It definitely would have been difficult expecting a child so early early into their relationship, especially with Cecilia being so young, but they would have worked it out. It all would've _worked out._

The past few days had given her time to think and accept what had happened, and to also realize that having another baby was something she wanted a lot more than she had thought.

"Kathy will be here soon, are you sure you're okay with us meeting here? I just didn't want to leave you home alone just yet," they had been at Elliot's place this week, Olivia deciding that that was where she wanted to be after getting discharged from the hospital. It hadn't been a problem, seeing that nearly half of hers and Cecilia's things had made their way there over the past few months. Kathy had been badgering him all week about meeting and discussing the kid's school schedules, and deciding who would get which holiday. He had been trying his best to hold off on this until Olivia had been fully recovered, but Kathy wasn't having it.

"I will. C is asleep," she ran her finger over the sleeping child's head as she snuggled in her mother's arms. "If I need you I promise I'll call. You're just up the hall, don't worry too much," she tugged on his shirt to bring him closer to her, capturing his lips for a brief moment.

"Hopefully this won't be for too long. Kathys been giving me such a hard time since the last time," he took a seat on the edge of the bed, placing Olivia's feet in his lap.

"Just promise that you'll play nice, or at least try. You don't need to worry about what she says about me, I just want you to get the time that you deserve with your kids," she had been referring to when Kathy had accused her of sleeping with Elliot well before the separation had even come about. Olivia knew that it would be Kathy's go to insult if things hadn't gone her way tonight.

"I can't let her just blatantly disrespect you like that."

"Correct her if you want, but I just don't want what happened last time to happen tonight."

"Me either. That's why I'm praying she'll keep her focus on the kids and not my relationship with you," he stood from where he sat and leaned to kiss her again. "I'm gonna go wait for her in the living room, she should be here soon. I love you."

"I love you."

"I figured you could get Thanksgiving, and the kids first Christmas with the divorce should be at the house. But I was thinking you, Olivia, and the baby could still come by for dinner?" Kathy's words had sent a shock to his system, not entirely sure if she had been serious. He paused for a moment to see if she had just been pulling his leg, but she didn't budge.

"You're being serious?" they sat at his dining room table with a calendar in between them.

"Well..it's becoming very clear to me that you and her aren't breaking up anytime soon, and I should work on accepting this," he wasn't sure how to accept her backhanded comment, but he could tell she at least _trying._ "The kids come home every time after spending the weekend with you two and won't stop talking about the fun they had with her so..I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said the things I did last time I was here. I know Olivia is here, I was hoping she would be willing to talk to me?"

He had been expecting another screaming match with her, not an apology. Things had gotten pretty bad between them, and so quick. "Kathy I don't really know what to say really, but thank you. I can see you're trying. And Olivia _is_ here, but she's not doing too well right now. She's in the middle of recovering from something. Which is another thing, I don't think I can take the kids next weekend. I wanna give her as much time as possible."

"Recovering? Is she okay?" he had paused for a moment, debating on whether or not he should tell Kathy what had happened earlier this week. He had decided on _no,_ but knew she would probably end up finding out from one of the kids. He didn't need a replay of what happened before and felt it was best for him to just tell her the truth.

"Yes and no, she will be. Olivia had a miscarriage on Tuesday and is having a hard time dealing with it."

"I'm sorry El," she reached over and gave his forearm a squeeze.

"Thanks Kath. She's doing okay though, I'm sure once she's feeling better she'll be more than happy to speak with you."

"You know..I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't shocked you two are already trying for a baby. Maybe this was a sign that it was too soon?" he pulled away from her, not really sure if her words were to intentionally take a jab at him.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm just saying you already have the twins and Eli, now you're trying to be a dad to Cecilia and have another baby?" he knew it was only moments ago that she had tried to give this whole acceptance thing a try, but he couldn't believe that she was already back at it again.

"Kathy, you literally just apologized. I was just trying to inform you on what's happening in case I have to miss a few things with the kids while we work on getting through this.."

"And I know that. I just want to protect you El, you and Olivia just started seeing each other. A baby isn't something you need right now," her face had been serious, but her words hadn't matched.

"Oh and I guess you know exactly what I need?"

"This isn't coming out right, I'm sorry. Please believe me when I say I want nothing but happiness for you two, but I just want you to be careful that's all."

"I'm trying to get what you're saying but all I'm hearing is you trying to tell me Olivia's miscarriage wasn't a bad thing."

"You know what? I shouldn't have said anything. Just think about what I said about Christmas and give me a call," she quickly gathered her things and headed towards the door. "Again, Elliot I'm sorry. Give Olivia well wishes from me," and like that she had walked out of his apartment.

The truth was, Kathy had already been struggling to accept Elliot, Olivia _and_ Cecilia all being one big happy family. And when he had told her about the miscarriage she had felt triggered. He had already had 5 beautiful kids with her, and the fact that he wanted more with Olivia? It hurt her honestly. She felt like what she had given him over the past 20 years hadn't been enough, and that everything he had been missing was with Olivia. She genuinely wanted to try and normalize this entire situation, but she couldn't shake the image of Olivia swollen with Elliot's baby out of her head. That was the one thing she had that Olivia could never have- Eliot's children. And now..

"You told her about my miscarriage?" Elliot had joined Olivia in bed, snuggling a still sleeping Cecilia on his chest.

"Baby, I just thought she should know. That way she doesn't think I'm missing days with the kids on purpose. Especially if we plan on trying for another.." he pulled her closer to him, planting a kiss to her temple.

"I get where you're coming from- I do, I just wish you would have asked me before you told anyone," her voice had cracked a little on the last word.

"Liv, please don't cry," he felt like such an ass for not even considering how she had felt.

"It's these hormones, they're still out of whack," she sat up on her elbow, resting her head in the palm of her hand. "I know you were coming from a good place, and you're right she should know because I've been thinking and I really want to try for another baby."

"Olivia are you sure?"

"Baby I'm more than sure..and I'm not just saying this because of what happened this week. I know this is crazy, we've barely even been together for six months but I see the way you are with Cecilia and I want more with you," she rubbed Cecilia's back, smiling when she snuggled more into Elliot. "This doesn't mean we need to try right away, but I would like to start as soon as we get the all clear from the doctor," she blushed, genuinely smiling for the first time.

"I love you so much- you know that?"

"How could I forget, you tell me all the time," she captured his lips, tugging on his bottom lip.

"And you deserve to know all the time," he kissed her back, grateful she was opening up to him. It had been a tough few days, but like always they had prevailed and overcome this obstacle. They both understood that it wouldn't be easy trying for baby, especially after this but they were prepared and willing to try.


	17. Rare

**Monday, Sept 18**

Nearly two weeks had passed, and Olivia would be closing what felt like the longest chapter of her life today. She had finally stopped bleeding only after 5 days, and today she would be going back to her doctor to make sure the pregnancy had been completely lost. She hated herself for holding onto the slightest bit of hope that maybe it had all been a misdiagnosis, and that she wasn't actually miscarrying two weeks ago. That night her and Elliot had officially talked about trying to expand their family, she thought she had finally come to terms with what had happened. But today..today was a completely different story.

Olivia had been silent, barely breathing, when the doctor had probed around her abdomen searching for any signs of an embryo. Elliot sat beside her, holding onto her hand tightly and rubbing her head trying his best to soothe her. She had felt her heart drop when the image of what looked like an obvious fetus appeared on the screen. She lifted her head, confusion flooding her mind. Olivia hadn't been sure if it had been her mind playing tricks on her, or if it was true.

When she looked over at her doctor and seen the smile spreading across her face, she had broken down into tears. Elliot hurried to hug her and shower her with kisses, elated that his prayers had been answered.

This was a rarity, but it happened. For some, a complication during the early stages of pregnancy, is confused with being related to a miscarriage. The doctor had confessed that they should still tread lightly, remembering just how heavily Olivia had been bleeding when she came in a few weeks ago. This baby had been the epitome of a miracle.

Her blood had been taken again, this time so that the doctor could do more intense testing. She had warned her this pregnancy would be incredibly difficult, and to take extreme caution.

"Hi my love!" as soon as they had walked through the door of her apartment, she had scooped Cecilia from the floor and snuggled her close.

"Everything uh go okay?" Maureen had gotten off the floor from where she had been playing with the baby, and gave Olivia a side hug. She had been the only other person who knew about the last two weeks besides Kathy.

"We actually have some news- a miracle, the baby is okay! I didn't miscarry last week!" Olivia had grinned from ear to ear, her eyes already welling with tears. Elliot had come to stand beside her, wrapping his arm around her waist.

"Oh my- really?" the young blonde had found herself becoming emotional as well. Olivia had handed off the baby to Elliot, so that she could fully embrace her. From the very beginning it seemed, Maureen had been their biggest supporter, rooting for them both. It wasn't something Elliot or Olivia ever imagined.

"Now I'm gonna be honest, this pregnancy has already proven itself to be a difficult one. We aren't entirely sure I'll be able to carry to full term, and for now I wanna keep this between us three."

"Liv, yes of course! If you guys need anything, I'm here for you," she embraced Olivia for the third time, this time running her hand over Olivia's very flat abdomen. "I'm gonna say a prayer for you everyday little one!" at that point the tears had been nonstop for Olivia. She had felt a sense of pride- that she had finally done it, and after putting up the greatest fight of its life, their baby had made it.

"Cecilia, you're going to be a big sister! How does that sound?" Elliot cooed at the curly haired baby, getting a toothless grin and hearty giggle from her.

"Oh guys this is great! I'm gonna get going, I have a class starting soon but I meant what I said. Call me if you need _anything_!" she gave them both, even Cecilia, a quick kiss on the cheek and hug, before grabbing her things and heading out.

"How're you feeling Liv?" she reached for Cecilia, and sat with her on the sofa, the baby gladly snuggled close to her.

"Terrified to say the least," she rubbed Cecilia's back and kissed the top of her head.

"Our baby has proven already that it's a fighter. I really feel like this was all meant to be for us- you know?" he joined her, placing her feet in his lap.

"I really hope so, because I don't think I can handle going through that again El."

"Just remember what the doctor said, one day at a time," she took a deep breath, trying her best not to stress.

"I know, we just have so much to think about-"

"And we will deal with all of that when the time comes, but for now I want you to try and enjoy this as much as possible," he smiled wide, his dimple creasing his cheek. "This is our miracle baby, our second chance," and like that those butterflies she always felt around him had returned. The words _our baby_ still made her heart jump, the reality of it all not quite settling in.

"Is it crazy that I'm already thinking about what he or she's gonna look like? I just want to hold them already, a little piece of you and me.." she stopped herself, thinking about how crazy she must sound saying all of her thoughts out loud. She shook her head and laughed. "You must think I'm insane."

"No, I love it. And I can't wait until the baby gets stronger and starts kicking around in there," each word he spoke had sent her over the moon. It was only last night that she had been mentally preparing herself for their appointment this afternoon. An appointment that was made to confirm that her body had completely rid itself of their baby. Only that hadn't been the case. By the grace of some God that she still had her doubts about, their baby had survived through all of this.

Deep down, she wanted to prepare herself for the possibility of this turning sour- especially since they weren't completely out of the woods yet and maybe won't ever be. _But,_ for once she was going to let herself be happy and enjoy as much of this as she could. Stressing would only lead to the complications they were desperately avoiding.

"I'm just ready to get this blood work back, I hope everything's okay," she calmly rubbed circles on Cecilia's back, soothing the child to sleep.

"It will be, and if not no matter what this baby is _our_ baby, but I don't want you to worry about that. For now, how about my girls go take a nap and maybe I'll go grab us some dinner?" He rose from his seat and gently pulled on her arm to guide her to the bedroom. Seeing Olivia's body change and make room for their baby was one of the things he had been looking forward to, but being able to take care of her like this was probably at the top of his list.

 **Wednesday, September 20**

Today Olivia and Elliot would be going back to the hospital to discuss the odds of her being able to carry through with this pregnancy full term. She knew this baby had been a fighter, and there hadn't been a doubt in her mind that this pregnancy would carry through.

"Olivia, I must say during my 20 years of practicing medicine, there haven't been many cases like yours. Your blood work came back and your baby looks healthy, all of your levels are perfect as of right now. Now, I still want you to keep in mind to take it easy. We're not completely out of the park, given that the further we get into this pregnancy more complications are going to be possible," Dr. Parilla sat across from them reading through her notes, her glasses resting on the edge of her nose. Elliot and and Olivia sat across in the cushioned chairs in front of her desk.

Olivia released the deep breath she had been holding, relief washing over her. Elliot brought her hand he had been holding to his lips, kissing it lightly. "So for the most part, this baby is going to be okay?" her voice had barely been above a whisper, trying her best to withstand from shedding anymore tears.

"I would like to say so. Would you guys like to try and see if we can get a heartbeat today, and maybe some photos for you to take home?"

"More than anything."

 **There's so much fluff in this..my god lmao. Next update will be longer- pinky promise**


	18. Reality

**Thursday, September 30**

An entire week had passed since Olivia and Elliot had left the doctor's office after receiving confirmation that her pregnancy hadn't failed, and that their baby had been okay. She had even called Cragen later that night and let him know the great news. Olivia had to admit she was a little saddened that she had to go on desk duty right away, but she knew it was for the best. On the bright side she would get to go home earlier and spend more time with Cecilia, which was always a better idea to her. Now with their new reality in full force, she wanted to spend as much time with Cecilia as she could now with the baby coming.

"You want me to help you with that baby?" Elliot ran to the other side of the car in the parking garage to try and help her with her purse.

"Oh my god, Elliot I swear if you don't stop with this nonsense...you're driving me insane!" she snatched her purse from his hands and went on to the inside of the building.

"Liv, wait!" he shut the car door and ran to catch up with her. "I'm sorry, I'm just worried about you. If it were up to me you'd be locked up in the apartment until the baby comes," she turned to him with her arms crossed in front of her, her sass at full speed. The last thing he wanted was for her to get upset and stressed, and he definitely didn't want to be the cause of it.

"I know you're worried, hell I am too but we can't live in fear everyday. You're stressing me out with all of this constant worrying, which isn't good for the baby," she subconsciously ran her hand over her abdomen. "And you better save all of that energy for when I'm the size of a whale, that's gonna be a real bitch on wheels!" she winked at him and interlocked her arm with his.

"You are full of sass this morning," they walked into the elevator together and Elliot pushed the number 4.

"You should be happy it's just sass and not the ass whooping that you deserve," she leaned her head on his shoulder, starting to feel more exhausted than usual.

"You feeling okay?" he wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her forehead.

"This baby is kicking my ass, but I'll be okay," she looked up at him through her dark lashes and smiled lazily at him. "All I need is my morning coffee and I'll be good as new."

"Easy on the caffeine," they stepped into the hallway leading into the bullpen.

"Elliot.."

"I know I'm sorry- I'll back off," he held his hands up in surrender.

"Liv!" Amanda ran up to greet her, a smile beaming across her face. "I can't believe you and Elliot are having a baby!" Olivia had looked at her and then over to Elliot, trying to figure out who had blabbed their mouth. "It was captain- he accidentally let it slip when he said you were on mandatory desk duty. But don't be mad at him it was kind of our fault, badgering him with all sorts of questions," Olivia knew that trying to keep this a secret would've been nearly impossible the moment she went on desk duty.

"Oh it's okay, you guys would've figured it out anyway," Fin and Nick had walked up to her and Elliot, wasting no time to embrace Olivia in a group hug. They had all been each other's family here, and the news about Olivia and Elliot had brought nothing but excitement to the squad room.

"When is our little mano supposed to arrive?" Nick asked.

"Sometime in April!"

"Ah, a spring baby? Congrats man!" Fin had given Elliot a brotherly hug.

"Thank you guys! I can tell this baby is gonna be loved so much."

"I always knew you two would end up together, but having a baby? And so soon?" Fin had been around since the beginning and seen the way Elliot and Olivia loved each other. He wasn't the least bit surprised that they had gotten together so quickly after he separated from Kathy.

"I have five kids- are you really shocked?" Olivia pinched him on the shoulder, making everyone laugh.

"That ass whooping is still on the table you know."

 **Wednesday, October 19**

Two weeks had passed and Olivia was finally beginning to set into their new reality. It hadn't felt real for the longest time, the idea that there was a human growing inside of her. But now she was able to grasp the idea a lot more, especially considering how much she was beginning to show already. It was only a few days ago when she noticed after she stepped out of the shower one morning. It was very small but she had seen their baby beginning to make an appearance. Olivia had caught herself tearing up, calling for Elliot to come and see how much her body had been changing already.

He had rushed to grab his polaroid camera and took a picture of Olivia in her boyshorts and bra to put in the baby book he had insisted she start making. At first she had thought it was a silly idea, she wasn't one to be sappy over such things. However, she had fallen in love with the idea- finding herself excited writing in the book at the end of each week.

She was now in the middle of week 11 and was already beginning to struggle in the mornings trying to find an outfit that well..fit. Her breasts had swelled up and her pants were a bit more snug than usual. As much as it annoyed her in the morning, she loved every bit of it.

"Look who's up Cecilia, is that mama?" Elliot said when he seen Olivia come around the corner into the kitchen. He held Cecilia in his arms and was busy making a bottle and heating up a bowl of cereal for her. The baby had nearly jumped out of Elliot's hands when she seen her mother.

"Hi baby," she pecked Elliot on the lips and grabbed Cecilia from him. She kissed her rosy cheeks and ran her hand through her blonde curls.

"You want me to make you something to eat? Bacon, toast, eggs?"

"I could really go for a large bowl of macaroni and cheese."

"Mac and cheese?"

"Oh and a large cup of coffee," she bit her bottom lip, happy to finally be satisfying this craving she's had all night.

"Cravings already?" he followed behind her in the living room with the bottle in one hand and the bowl in the other.

"Like crazy. Will you make it for me? Please?" she pouted a little and it only took a few seconds for him to give in.

"I guess I can make you a bowl of mac and cheese," he rolled his eyes playfully and bent down to kiss her on the couch.

"A _big_ bowl of mac and cheese," she corrected him and kissed him once more. He laughed going back into the kitchen, happy to see she was beginning to feel a lot better. She hadn't really experienced any morning sickness, but her fatigue had been getting the best of her the last few weeks.

Olivia sat Cecilia in her bumbo chair on the table and proceeded to fed her the bowl of cereal that she was still getting adjusted to. It had become entertaining to say the least, seeing how her face would scrunch up at the taste sometimes or how only half of the spoonful would make it into her mouth. She was growing- and so fast, Olivia found herself getting emotional. Elliot had warned her plenty of times that the first just flies by, and she was beginning to see just what he meant. Each day that went by Cecilia started to look more and more like Alex.

Elliot had come back with a cup of coffee in his hands, and Olivia had cringed the moment she took a sip. "Decaf? Really?"

"You need to go easy on the caffeine.."

"A small cup in the morning won't hurt anybody," he knew the moment that he brewed a small batch of decaf for her that she was going to hand his ass to him.

"Just _one_ small cup and then decaf for the rest of the day at work," he decided it was best to bargain with her, seeing that he wouldn't be winning this fight anytime soon.

"Deal. Now please, coffee- I'm dying here," he shook his head at her and chuckled before walking away. The doorbell had rang and he turned around before Olivia could get up and answered it, surprised to see Maureen over so early in the morning.

"Hey sweetie, everything okay?" Elliot greeted her at the door with a hug and a kiss to the cheek before letting her in.

"Yeah, I just wanted to stop by and talk to guys about something- and to see my favorite girl!" she squealed when she seen Cecilia. "Good morning Liv," she leaned down to kiss her cheek and went over to steal Cecilia from her chair.

"Hi beautiful. What do you need to talk to us about?"

"Well.." she took a seat on the couch and continued to feed Cecilia her bottle. "Kathleen's birthday is coming up and I was thinking that maybe we could all sit down and finally have dinner together," she looked up at her dad and Olivia, a grin forming already on her face. She knew coming in here that there was a fifty fifty chance of them agreeing, but she was hoping for the latter.

"You want me and your mother to sit at the same table and eat dinner together? I don't think Kathy will be up for that. No use in making her miserable," Elliot came over and sat beside her.

"I just thought it was a good idea since Kathleen has been struggling the most with the divorce and everything. It'll be good for her to see that we can all be one big blended and slightly happy family. You know, with the new baby coming and everything," Olivia knew what she was doing throwing that in there- and she had to give the girl credit.

"What's in it for us?" Elliot chimed in.

"A date night on me. I'll foot the bill and even watch the baby for you."

"Good enough for me. Liv?"

"You two are a mess you know that? I will go to this dinner, but I can't promise this is suddenly gonna change anything," coming together for Kathleen's birthday was a good, but Olivia just didn't want her and Kathy's differences to put a damper on the party.

"Thank you, Olivia! The dinner will be next weekend at the house, I'll text you guys as soon as I figure out a time and everything."

Olivia internally grimaced when she head her say the dinner would be at the house- the same house that Elliot and Kathy had lived in and raised a family together. She hadn't physically been inside of that house in well over a year. And she didn't ever think that the next time she would step inside she would be pregnant with Elliot's child this time.

 **Hopefully kathy will behave...**


	19. Growing

**Saturday, October 29**

"You look fine Olivia," Elliot stood in the doorway of her small walk in closet and watched her look in the mirror for what felt like the hundredth time today.

"No I don't. My breasts are practically spilling out of this top. How am I supposed to keep this baby a secret?" Elliot had began to laugh a bit but quickly stopped when he seen the expression on her face. "Do you think this is funny?"

"No- I mean..well, it kind of is. Baby, your body is growing and changing more and more each day, it's making room for the baby," he stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, both hands landing on her small bump.

"I know but does it have to be so obvious and so soon? And so _achy,_ I feel like I'm carrying a load of bricks on my chest," she reached up to cup her breasts and winced at how tender they still were.

"Maybe we should just tell them?"

"And ruin Kathleen's birthday? She's still getting used to all of this and not to mention Kathy will be there. I'm already worried about this dinner, I don't need to add anything else," she started unbuttoning the white blouse she had on, and started searching for something else.

"Liv.."

"Can you go check on the baby? She'll be up soon," she had cut him off. Olivia knew he meant well but she was already beginning to feel overwhelmed with everything that was going on in their relationship.

He knew it was best not to argue with her, and didn't want to push her any further tonight. Elliot was already barely getting by with her agreeing to come to the dinner tonight. He kissed her forehead and proceeded to go check on Cecilia.

Olivia had given up on dressing up for the dinner, and opted for a pair of leggings and an oversized black sweater and over the knee riding boots. She was on her way into her second trimester, and the morning sickness that she thought she had skipped over was making an appearance. The nausea she had been feeling couldn't have come at a more inconvenient time, but she was happy she hadn't vomited yet. The last thing she needed was for Elliot to have another reason to fuss over her.

"Olivia!" Lizzie ran over to her when she heard the front door open. "I missed you so much! I heard you've been sick," she embraced Olivia tightly, burying her face into her shoulder. Olivia usually loved the warm hugs from Lizzie, but she nearly cried at the pain radiating through her breasts.

"I was but I'm feeling so much better now! I'm so happy to see you," she pulled away and kissed the top of her head.

"Liv, I'm so glad you made it!" Kathleen had come out of the kitchen and gave Olivia a hug as well. She was surprised that she had been so...affectionate? Especially in front of her mother. It was only a few seconds before Maureen had come around the corner to hug Olivia too.

"Happy Birthday sweetie!"

"I guess you guys just replaced me with Olivia huh?" Elliot stood at the door holding the baby carrier.

"No dad, we love you _almost_ as much as we love Olivia," Lizzie and her sisters laughed and went over to hug their father. Olivia had felt slightly guilty, they had all been focusing their attention on her while Kathy just leaned on the doorway to the kitchen. The moment she had made eye contact with her, Olivia tried to offer her a small smile and instead was met with her back as she turned to go back into the kitchen. Elliot had noticed this interaction between the two and noted that he needed to go talk to Kathy before dinner was ready.

"Where's Eli and Dick?"

"They're upstairs playing whatever new game you bought Dick last week," Maureen rolled her eyes and reached for the baby. "We got her dad, go upstairs," he handed the car seat over and went up to Dick's room. Olivia followed behind the girls and they all sat around the living room. She watched as they all cooed at Cecilia, and had gotten excited about telling them about the baby sometime soon.

As soon as Elliot had finished talking to the boys he made his way downstairs into the kitchen to speak with Kathy. The last time they had seen each other, like most times, they hadn't left each other on the best of terms. All of the back and forth between them needed to end. He just wanted for both Kathy and Olivia to be able to be around each other for the sake of the kids, without dreading the occasion.

"Let me help," Elliot took a seat at the small table in the kitchen while Kathy put the finishing touches on the birthday cake.

"You never helped while we were married. You feeling sorry for me?" she smirked.

"I seen the way you looked over at Olivia while the girls greeted her."

"It's nothing El. Sometimes it's just hard to see the girls be like that with her...and then the baby. I'm not upset with her. It just feels like I'm losing the kids to her sometimes. Everybody loves Olivia," she mumbled the last part as she spread the icing over the cake.

"Kathy _you're_ their mother. They are just making sure she feels welcomed and assured that they're okay with us being together," he hadn't ever expected for Kathy to be like this when he decided to date after their divorce. Especially since they had both agreed long ago that their marriage just wasn't what it used to be. But then again, it was Olivia he was with now. The same woman she had accused him of sleeping with for years.

"How is she anyway? A miscarriage..I couldn't even imagine," Kathy didn't feel like talking about the pity party that had become her life. She figured if there was ever a time to at least try to start over _again,_ it was now.

"About that.." she stopped her movements to look up at him, noticing a change in his demeanor. "Olivia _is_ pregnant," he didn't know why Kathy always ended up finding out things this way. "Turns out the miscarriage was just a complication. It's rare but it happens," she stood to go place the cake on the counter, and started grabbing the dishes she had cooked to go place them on the table. The announcement had obviously made her uncomfortable. The idea of Olivia carrying Elliot's child made her realize that he really had moved on.

"Well um congratulations," she gave him a small smile and went into the dining room. He followed behind her carrying a few dishes himself.

"Kathy.."

"I'm happy for you..I really am but I just need some time you know?" she placed the last dish on the table and took off her apron before returning to the kitchen.

"Of course. I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? For moving on? Finally being able to be with her? Start a family? I can handle this- but I don't need you feeling sorry for me," Kathleen had walked into the kitchen and frowned when she seen the look on her mother's face. Figuring that her parents had been fighting.

"I hope you two aren't in here arguing," she scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Is dinner ready? I'm starving."

"Yeah honey, go tell everyone to come to the table," the young blonde looked back and forth at her parents before turning and going back into the living room.

"Why don't you go check on Olivia?" Elliot sighed accepting defeat and figured she would come around on her own time.

Dinner had went as smoothly as it could have, the conversation flowed a bit more easily with the kids around. Olivia could sense Kathy was trying her best to make the most out of this night, offering her a smile every now and then. It wasn't until after they had cut the cake when Olivia had to quickly excuse herself and run to the restroom. Her nausea had been triggered when she tried to finish the last bit of food on her plate, her stomach sending her into the bathroom to throw up the dinner she had just eaten.

She thought she had managed to play it off after calmly excusing herself, but it was when Kathy had come in to check on her, she began to worry it had been more obvious than she intended. Kathy had knocked on the door before coming in and finding Olivia hunched over the toilet, and offered her a glass of water. She knew all too well how horrid the first stage of pregnancy was. Olivia sighed when she seen her standing there with the glass of water, figuring that Elliot had told her about the baby. She had promised to keep it a secret, knowing they probably had their excitement about telling the kids.

The entire interaction had left Olivia a little stunned and curious about her initial reaction when Elliot had told her; was she upset? Angry? Disappointed? Or even a little happy for them? She would never have been able to tell based on how helpful Kathy had been earlier today. Olivia didn't think she would ever understand that woman. One moment she's a bitch on wheels and the next moment she'd been understanding and willing to reconcile their differences. But like many other times she had realized to just let things be.

"You sure it's not twins?" Elliot stood behind Olivia peeping over her shoulder while she steeped a bag of tea, running his hands over the tiny bump appearing.

"Are you calling me fat, Stabler?" she turned her neck to look up at him and raised an eyebrow smirking at him.

"I'm just a little shocked you're showing so soon. Most women take a while with their first pregnancies," he had remembered Kathy always reminding him of this when she was pregnant with Maureen, because he was constantly checking for any signs of the baby.

"Well, _if_ it does turn out to be twins consider yourself a dead man walking," she dipped the tea bag back into her mug a few times before tossing it into the sink and going into the living room.

"Lucky for you twins come from the mother's side, so it's actually all you this time Benson," he pulled her feet onto his lap before laying a blanket over her legs.

"Oh whatever," she nudged him with her foot and laid back into the couch. "You know when I excused myself at the party? Kathy came to check on me. It's like she knew I had been sick, even I tried my hardest to hide it."

"I hope you're not upset I told her.."

"Oh I'm not shocked. I was more shocked that she had actually helped me and given me advice about this sudden morning sickness- well evening sickness," she took a sip of tea and absentmindedly rested a hand to her abdomen.

"She did?"

"Yeah. Maybe she's trying to come around..for the kid's sake at least," he gave her a small smile and agreed. Lately he had only seen the worst in Kathy regarding their relationship, but finally for once he had seen the good.

"I hope so. I don't want any additional stress on you two," Olivia moved from her end of the couch, and on to lay her back against Elliot's chest. He embraced her fully, pulling the large blanket over them both.

"Pick a movie- but please anything besides Sex and the City," she took the remote from him and nudged him in the side. "Okay, one more time but that's it Liv. Soon enough you're gonna have me going out with you for mani/pedis."

"Keep it up and you'll be missing out on the sex part," she looked up at him grinning from ear to ear before stealing a kiss from him. He chuckled and pulled her in for another before snuggling her close and turning up the volume.

These were nights she loved the most. Everything around them had been so fast paced since they had begun working together, and also trying to balance out time with Cecilia and the kids. She almost wondered how they'd even managed to find enough time to get her pregnant. Months ago when they would spend weeknights like this when she had still been on leave with Cecilia, Olivia would spend the entire time thinking about this couldn't have been real. She didn't quite understand how her and Elliot somehow fit so well together. Since the beginning she had spent so much time racking her mind, trying to fit all the pieces together. But now she realized there was no use in questioning it, because here they were six months later in the same exact spot. She would see him nearly all day but still craved his touch at night.

Olivia had been crazy in love with him, and she hated that it took her over a decade to figure it out.

 **I'm kind of on the fence...what are you guys rooting for girl or boy? Elliot already has ten of each lmaooo.**


	20. Blended

**Tuesday, November 1**

Olivia stood in the mirror after showering that morning before her doctor's appointment, admiring the changes her body had been making to accommodate the baby growing inside of her. Time had been her worst enemy but in the best way possible. It felt like it was just yesterday she was mourning the loss of her baby, and now she was barely fitting into her pants _because_ of the baby. And then there had been Cecilia who was nearing seven months already. Before she knew it, it would be time to make a trip to the courthouse to sign papers to officially adopt her. Which was another thing that had been on her mind a lot lately.

Elliot..Cecilia was as much his as she was hers. He had been there from the very beginning and helped parent and shower her with love every single day. There had never been a time where Elliot hadn't treated Cecilia like his own, and she was beginning to consider adding his name to the adoption papers. Even if they broke up in the next year or ten years, Elliot would always be in Cecilia's life. She couldn't ever see herself taking her away from him, not after everything he's done for them both.

"Cecilia is down for her nap, and Mo should be here in-" he stopped mid sentence when he seen Olivia in the mirror of the bathroom. "Whatcha doing?" he smiled when he seen her caressing her belly, standing there in her silk robe.

"Our baby is growing like crazy, I'm just..amazed," she bit her bottom lip and reached for his hand. Olivia placed his under hers as she guided it around her belly. "The baby has been kind of kicking lately. Well, not kicking but little flutters here and there. I can't wait til you can feel it," she looked up at him and kissed him sweetly. "I hope we get to find out the gender today."

"I still think it's twins," he tucked a tendril of hair behind her ear.

"I can't wait until we go to the appointment so that can put this theory to rest," she shook her head and laughed before kissing the corner of his mouth and going into her closet to get dressed for the day.

Olivia had been nervous the entire drive over, seeing that this had been her first actual appointment that didn't revolve around a miscarriage or testing. She was twelve weeks, almost thirteen and was excited to hear a clear heartbeat today. The gender of their baby hadn't ever been a huge deal to her though. She already felt like she had plenty of girls and boys, seeing Elliot's children as her own honestly. However, she knew deep down Elliot wanted another boy. She understood he had probably felt the same way, that he had gained another daughter with Cecilia and was ready for another boy.

"Olivia it's good to see you looking healthy and glowing!" Dr. Parilla had entered the exam room and shook both her and Elliot's hands. "You two want to find out the gender today, correct?" she wrote a few notes on her clipboard as she clicked around on her computer.

"We do and I also need you to tell Elliot there's only one baby in there. I keep telling him I'm just gaining weight, but he's somehow convinced himself that I'm having twins," she rolled her eyes playfully making the doctor laugh a bit.

"I can definitely get that confirmed for you today," she smirked at Elliot and motioned for Olivia to pull up her blouse. probed around Olivia's lower abdomen to get a good look at the baby, and make sure it's measurements were coming out okay. "It's definitely one baby in there," she said when she managed to find the heartbeat. Oddly enough it sent a shiver down Olivia's spine to hear it. Everytime she looked down at her growing belly she was reminded of the life growing inside of her, but hearing their baby's heartbeat had made it ten times more real.

"Elliot, what are you doing?" she looked over at him when she heard a clicking sound coming from his phone.

"Gotta get this for the book," he smirked at her and snapped one more photo of her before taking a moment himself to listen to the steady sound. "So no twins huh? Maybe next time," he grabbed her hand that rested on her thigh and knitted his fingers between hers.

"Yeah, maybe next time," she had grinned nearly from ear to ear, catching on that Elliot had his hopes up that they would try for at least one more. Olivia didn't think she would ever understand where his desire came from to start his life over in a way for her.

"Your baby boy is looking very good Olivia. He's strong and healthy, a miracle."

"A boy!" she nearly whispered when her emotions took over her.

"I can't believe it! We have our little girl and now a boy," Elliot tugged on Olivia's chin and brought her lips to his. The first part of his comment hadn't gone unnoticed by Olivia, realizing she needed to put in a call to her adoption lawyer as soon as she had gotten home.

"Congratulations you two!" she handed over the few pictures she managed to print off. "I still want you to remember to take it easy, try to get plenty of rest, okay?" Olivia nodded and sighed internally, trying to remember all these precautions were for the baby's sake.

"Hey doc, when you say _take it easy,_ " Elliot chimed in.

"Oh god, Elliot," Olivia gasped when she realized what exactly he was getting at.

"Nothing too rough but yes, sex is okay," she winked at Elliot and gathered her clipboard. "I'll see you in the next 3-4 weeks!" said before leaving.

"I can't believe you," she laughed and threw the towel she used to clean off her belly across the room at him.

"It's not my fault pregnancy fits you so well. I didn't think it was possible, but you get more beautiful everyday," he handed her the coat she wore and kissed her forehead.

"But-"

"Not _but's,_ " he smiled and pulled her to embrace her fully. "We're having a boy," he pulled back and cupped the sides of her face.

"We're having a boy," she repeated in agreement with a few tears managing to escape.

"Let's go home."

 **Saturday, November 5**

Once they had gotten home after Olivia's appointment, they had both easily come to an agreement that it was time to tell the kids. They had thought of plenty of exciting ways to let them know about the baby, and decided to let them know during dinner this weekend. Maureen had thought of the idea and came over this afternoon to help.

Olivia and her had gone to the store to buy blue food dye and cupcake mix in an effort to make "It's A Boy!" themed dessert. The few hours that they had spent together left Olivia feeling content that her and Maureen had grown so comfortable around one another. Elliot's kids had been her biggest fear when they decided to move forward with their relationship, and though it was a bit rocky in the beginning, she was happy they were all finally in a good place.

"I thought the point of tonight was to _surprise_ everyone with the baby and the gender?" Maureen said once Olivia joined her in the kitchen.

"What else am I supposed to do?" Olivia laughed and looked down at her belly that had been peeking through the sweater she wore. "I swear I get bigger every few days," she stole a carrot from the vegetable tray and sat across from Maureen on the counter.

"You're only 13 weeks, right? Are you sure it's not twins?"

"You're beginning to sound just like your father," she rolled her eyes playfully. "The doctor confirmed I'm just getting fat," her response made Maureen chuckle.

"Well at least we know he's healthy and strong!" she rubbed her bump. "Do we have to wait until dessert? Ah, I'm just so excited! I've been holding this secret forever it feels like," Olivia couldn't even hide the happiness radiating inside of her.

"How do you think I feel?" she pulled Maureen in for a hug and kissed her temple. "Thank you for everything Mo. I love you so very much," maybe it had been the hormones kicking in, but she meant every word of it. Olivia had spent her entire life without a family, and in less than a year she had gained one.

"I love you too, Liv!"

"Let's go set the table before Kathleen gets here with the kids before I'm a bawling mess."

"Do you guys have anymore room left for dessert?" Olivia stood and began clearing the plates from the table.

"Please say it's ice cream!" Eli squealed from his chair.

"It's a surprise!" Olivia smiled before going into the kitchen and getting the tray of cupcakes she had hidden in the refrigerator. Elliot had come up behind her while she rearranged them one last time.

"You feelin okay?" he wrapped his arms around her waist and ran his hands over her belly that had been hiding under her sweater.

"El, I was so excited earlier but now I'm just so nervous," she knew the kids would welcome their new sibling easily, but Olivia couldn't help the doubt in the very back of her mind.

"It'll be fine. I'm gonna be honest, they're probably not going to be jumping for joy..they definitely didn't with Eli," she tensed up at the last part of his sentence and he took note. "They're teenagers Liv. Just think about Eli though, that kid is gonna go nuts," she chuckled a bit, remembering that Eli had been right this entire time. It hadn't been a little sister, but she figured he would be even more excited to learn he would be getting a brother.

She sighed and smoothed out her top before carrying the tray to the table. Carefully, Olivia went between Kathleen and Lizzie to place the tray towards the middle of the table and stood back watching them both. It was Lizzie who quickly picked up a cupcake, double checking that she had read the "It's A Boy!" plastic ring that set on top of it, correctly. Elliot came up behind Olivia and wrapped an arm around her while resting his head on her shoulder, watching just like her.

"No freaking way!" Lizzie had screamed and jumped up to tackle Olivia with a hug. Dickie had knitted his eyebrows together confused and picked up a cupcake to look for himself. "We're having a baby!" she squealed and jumped slightly with Olivia.

"Holy shit!" Kathleen blurted and ran over to hug both Olivia and her dad, Maureen followed closely behind her with Cecilia in her arms.

"Wait a minute, what is happening!" Eli shouted and stood on his chair.

"Well, there's gonna be a new baby bud. Livvie's got a baby in her belly," Elliot went over to Eli and picked him up. "You're gonna have a little brother sometime next year. How's that sound?" the young boy looked to the ceiling, trying to piece together what his father had been saying. It wasn't long before a smile broke out across his face, and he wrapped his hands around his father's neck.

"A brother? Even better, thank you daddy!" Olivia grinned widely at the exchange between the two.

"Congrats dad, and Olivia," Dickie stood up and managed to give them a small smile. Olivia reached and gave his hand a squeeze, knowing that he was at least trying to be accepting of everything.

"Thank you Dickie, really. And to everyone else, especially Mo who's been keeping this a secret for quite some time. This baby was definitely a surprise for us too, but I just know he's gonna be loved so much," she placed both of her hands around her small bump, glad to finally be able to embrace this pregnancy fully. "Now how about those cupcakes?" the kids nodded in agreement and went to sit around the table, except for Elliot who had wrapped his arms completely around her and placed butterfly kisses to her neck. She looked around, nervous that the kids would be uncomfortable with him showing so much affection in front of them, but they had been too busy arguing over the dessert.

"So?"

"So?" she turned around to wrap her arms around his neck and pecked the corner of his mouth.

"Everyone knows now, no more secrets. How do you feel about that?" she smirked at him and bit on her lower lip trying to contain the emotions flooding through her.

"I'm just really _really_ happy. We're all one big blended family, and I just never would have thought.."

"You guys already have a baby on the way, you can lay off the heavy touching!" Kathleen and her sisters giggled, making Olivia blush.

"Just one more-" Elliot kissed Olivia's lips and made sure to take his time to meddle with the kids.

"Ew!" the kids all said in discord making Olivia laugh.

She went over to grab Cecilia from Maureen before taking her seat next to Elliot. He leaned over and made funny faces to get a smile from the baby. It wasn't long before she had reached her hands out, letting him know that he was the one she wanted. Olivia secretly loved it, every time she reached for him. Cecilia had become such a...daddy's girl. She watched him kiss her plump cheeks and speak sweet nothings that made her giggle. All the while Eli and Dickie were playing some game on his phone, and the girls were trying to get Maureen to spill on her most recent date. It was slightly chaotic but also harmonious, and gave Olivia an indescribable amount of happiness that she never thought she would be able to obtain. Her and Elliot's relationship had been unconventional in a way, but it had seemed to all happen at a perfect time.


	21. Thanksgiving

**Tuesday, November 17**

With each and every passing day of this pregnancy, Olivia had sworn it got harder to get up for work in the mornings. Granted, she had struggled to get out of bed before, but this baby had been sucking the life out of her. But in the best way possible, if that was a thing. Some mornings she cried a few tears. Her body had already been so achy, her breasts were swollen, and her recent headaches had been out of this world. It was Elliot who helped her get through her mornings, constantly reminding her that her body was creating life, and stronger than it ever had been.

However, this morning had been more trying than others.

"Baby, why don't you call into work today? The sitter can watch Cecilia at your place, and you can stay here and rest," Elliot watched Olivia as she sat on the floor of the room, rumbling through the bottom drawer of the dresser.

"No way. I'll just be at home laying around and being miserable. If I go to work at least I'll be distracted," she pulled out a pair of leggings and shook her head when they weren't the correct ones she had been looking for.

"Remember no stress Olivia.."

"I'm not stressed, just achy. But I'm on desk duty so it'll be fine," she moaned out of frustration. "All of my clothes that will actually fit me are at my apartment," they had been bouncing back and forth between their apartments still. It was starting to become a nuisance.

"Well if you would just move in with me.." she was kicking herself already for even saying anything. Lately, Elliot had been adamant about moving in together with the baby coming, but Olivia in a _very Olivia fashion_ shrugged off the issue.

"Elliot.."

"I am just saying. We're going to have to talk about it sooner or later."

"How about later?" she looked up to smirk at him before reaching up. He helped her get to her feet, and ran his hand lightly over her swell peeked through the tank top she wore to bed. "Just please take me to my place before we go to the precinct?" she pouted her lips slightly, purposely running her hands over her belly to get him to agree. He shook his head and laughed slightly, stealing a kiss from her.

"You know I can never say no to you," he tugged gently on her hand, and pulled her closely to him. "God, I love you _so much_ ," his lips connected to hers, and kissed her passionately before pulling away and burying his face into her dark waves. His hands ran along her back, and she complied, wrapping her arms around his solid torso.

"Everything okay?" she pulled away slightly to get a good look at him, his sentimental remarks throwing her off. He smirked at her, the dimple in his cheek appearing.

"I'm fine- just a man in love. Can you blame me?" when he had woken up this morning and looked over at a sleeping Olivia, he had been speechless. The sheets had clung loosely around her hips, exposing her belly that showed through the tank top she wore to bed. He had thought that after seeing their baby and finding out the gender, it would all finally hit him but it hadn't. He was still in shock and awe. She was almost 16 weeks and their baby boy had been growing so much already. Watching her body changes each and every week to make room for _their_ baby, made each morning worthwhile.

"Come on, let's swing by your place, and maybe we'll have enough time to grab some breakfast before work," he pecked the corner of her mouth and let her finish packing her last few things for work.

 **Wednesday, November 24**

It was the night before Thanksgiving, and it would mark the first Thanksgiving the kids spent as a _blended_ family. Olivia had been a bundle of nerves all week, wanting the holiday to be perfect- if that was even possible. For the past decade she had spent the holiday with Alex, both of them opting for take out and day drinking together. Now her best friend was gone, and she was left celebrating her daughter's first Thanksgiving without her. Olivia felt bittersweet, elated for Cecilia's first Thanksgiving, but saddened that Alex wouldn't be around for it.

Olivia took her last dish from the oven, and sat it on the cooling rack while she cleaned up the mess she had made. It was her first time cooking for more than a few people, and she decided it was best to cook a few things the night before. She worked on rinsing the dishes she dirtied and loaded the dishwasher, and paused when she felt Elliot's hands wrap around her waist.

"Worry about those in the morning. It's nearing midnight, you need to sleep," he buried his face in her hair, and placed a few kisses to her shoulder. She sighed and concluded that he was right. She needed sleep more than ever these days, and knew tomorrow would be an early start.

Olivia rinsed off a few more before shutting the water off and drying her hands on her apron. She followed Elliot down the hall, holding onto his hand as he lead her to the nursery. She smiled when he headed right to Cecilia's room that she shared with Eli. They both leaned in to kiss the sleeping child, and whispered a few _I love yous,_ before they went across the hall to Elliot's room.

Olivia sat down on the edge of the bed, and before she could reach down to take off the slippers she wore, Elliot had kneeled in front of her and did it for her. "I can still reach down and take off my shoes you know?" she said. And couldn't help but smile at how much he cared for her.

He ignored her protests and moved on to reaching up and pulling the leggings she wore down her legs, making her lift her hips momentarily to slide them down. He moved on to her tank top that clung to her swell, and she raised her arms up over her head to pull it off. Elliot turned around and went to his drawer of t shirts, pulling out a white one for her to wear to bed. When he took a few steps back over to the bed, he paused for a moment to just look at her in only the matching navy blue bra and underwear she wore.

She was beautiful.

Pregnancy had fit her so well. Her skin had glowed and her breasts were practically spilling from her bra. She was a little more curvy from the weight she had been gaining, despite her morning sickness from time to time. Her body was changing more and more everyday to make room for their baby boy, and he wished she could see just how gorgeous she was.

"Elliot.." she looked away from him and bit on her bottom lip. As much as she was enjoying this pregnancy, she couldn't help but feel a little self conscious about the changes happening to her body. He knew she was a bit more sensitive than usual and decided to give her a break this time around. Instead he unfolded the shirt in his hands and assisted her in getting it over her head. She reached beneath the shirt and removed her bra, pulling it through the sleeve and tossing it on the floor. "Thank you," she half smiled and tilted her head up for him to kiss her. He cupped both sides of her face and brought her lips to his, using his tongue to open her mouth to his. She moaned quiety at the feel of him, and for the first time in months she had felt that familiar burn in her lower belly. He pulled away from her and kissed her quickly once more before placing a kiss to her forehead, and pulling the covers back from underneath her.

"As much as I want to..you need sleep. Tomorrow we're gonna have a full house," she groaned inwardly, frustrated at the fact that she was finally ready and comfortable enough to have sex and he was handling her like fragile glass. "It will be worth the wait. I promise," he smirked at her and she responded by rolling her eyes. Her hormones had been seriously out of whack lately, and his sudden concern over her getting rest was annoying to say the least. "I love you," he said as he slid into bed next to her, grabbing her thigh and pulling her body flush against his.

"Yeah yeah.." she mumbled. Her body relaxed into his and she found herself already struggling to keep her eyes open, as he rubbed the top of her head lulling her to sleep.

 **Thursday, November 25**

Olivia looks over at Elliot as he lays in bed next to her, watching tv while Cecilia sleeps on the wide expanse of his chest. The turkey is cooking in the oven, all of the dishes are finished for their early dinner this afternoon, and they decided to spend whatever was left of their morning in bed before getting ready for the arrival of the kids in the next few hours. She laid on her side while holding the underside of her small belly and running her thumb back and forth over it, feeling for any small flutters coming from their baby boy.

 _This is heaven,_ she thought.

Elliot peeked over at her in his peripheral, watching her as she did the motion and still wearing the white shirt of his that he placed on her last night. He wanted to just revel in the moment, and try to relax before the house became hectic, but it was just so damn hard. It was moments like these when he tried to use every sense to tattoo the memory to his mind. He and Olivia had been together for seven months, already raising a child together _and_ expecting one and it all felt like it had happened in the blink of an eye. It was only the beginning of the year when they were barely speaking to each other, and now they were nearly to the end of the year nestled in the presence of one another.

"So.." Olivia cleared her throat. "I've been speaking to the adoption agency and communicating a lot actually with Cecilia's representative.." weeks ago Olivia had been sent the paperwork to begin Cecilia's adoption, and was faced with the decision to place a name under _adoptive father._ She knew from the very moment she had looked over the papers that she wanted to include Elliot in this next phase of her life, but she took some time to make sure it wouldn't be too much to ask of him. But she knew that was a silly thought the very moment she seen Elliot fast asleep on the couch with Cecilia on his chest, much like she was now. With their first major holiday coming up, she couldn't think of a better time to present a copy of the document she had sent over last week with Elliot's name on it along with hers.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah and.." she tried swallowing the lump that was beginning to form in her throat but her hormones just wouldn't give. Her hand reached up and ran a finger over the sleeping childs back. "We're trying to get all the paperwork finished and approved by her first birthday. I wanted you to take a peek at a copy of it and tell me what you think.." she reached into the nightstand where she had been hiding the papers all week from him.

He took the small stack from her and scanned over the first page, noticing Olivia had kept Cecilia's last name as _Cabot,_ but had hyphenated it and added _Benson._ It made him smile knowing she had made the decision to add her last name, seeing that she was slowly accepting being a mother to Cecilia. But it was when he'd gotten towards the bottom of the page when his heart had dropped.

"Liv, what is this?"

"A great start to a new beginning I was hoping," her voice had cracked, failing her at sounding any bit of strong. She had a great speech she had gone over and over in her head, but she was just too emotional to get the words out. "Remember that night in the hospital when you told me I was Cecilia's mother because that's all she would see me as? Nothing more, nothing less?" she sat up with her legs bent to the side of her, and leaned on the palm of her hand while she hovered slightly over Elliot.

"You are her dad. That's all you've ever really been to her, and that's all she sees you as. All I have to do is look into her eyes and I can see just how much she loves you. I don't know where exactly we'll be in the next year or next ten years but _god_ I hope it's just like this," she flicked away the tears that had seemed to be non stop.

"You want to adopt Cecilia.. _together_?"

"I do," she grinned and reached over to wipe the few tears that had escaped down his cheeks.

"You have made me the happiest man on earth already, but this..this leaves me speechless, Olivia. I love you both and I promise I will try and be the best father to our kids," Olivia reached over and swiped the few tears that managed to escape his eyes. She leaned down and kissed him before sliding back under the sheets, and laying in the crook of his arm.

She knew what he meant by that. Olivia had witnessed Elliot and Kathy getting into it plenty of times during their partnership. It had always seemed like an argument regarding the kids, when he'd be coming home, if he would be able to make it to Dickie's hockey game..she knew exactly what he meant.

But she also worked the same job as him, and understood all too well. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that made her believe he or _she,_ wouldn't be able to be there for each of their kids.

It had been an hour since the kids had arrived and they had all finally managed to gather around the table for dinner. Olivia had spent all week planning this from head to toe, and had to admit she was highly satisfied with the result. She stood back for a moment and peered from the kitchen, just simply watching the kids as they sat around the table. As many times as she had done this, she could never get herself to believe that this was going to be her life for what she hoped would be- forever.

Elliot had been in the kitchen too, and looked over at her when she had failed to reply to him, seeing why she had been distracted. He had picked up on this a few months ago when the kids first began coming over for dinner every now and then. He moved over and wrapped his arms around her, watching them too.

"Next year there won't be any room left at the table," Olivia sighed contently and fell into his embrace.

"There will be plenty of room, just you wait," his tone had been playful and it didn't go unnoticed.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I hope we'll be moved into something a little bigger _together_ and _soon_ ," she turned to look at him with her eyebrows furrowed. Hearing him talk about them moving in together wasn't anything new, but she always assumed she meant moving all of her things into _his_ place. Before she could answer Kathleen had called them both over, all of them getting impatient.

Olivia took a seat next to Elliot at the dinner table, and before she could reach to grab the salad bowl he grabbed her hand gently. She looked around and noticed everyone's heads had been bowed, and she realized they had been waiting to bless the food. She wasn't very much of a religious person, but followed through. When Elliot finished they each grabbed a dish and passed it around. She held her breath for a moment, waiting to see their reactions to her attempt at making an entire Thanksgiving dinner. It was Dickie who broke the silence, boasting about how great the food was. She laughed and felt relief rush through her. Elliot gave her hand that rested on the table a squeeze and brought it to his mouth to kiss the back of it.

"Happy Thanksgiving," he said quietly to her as the kids indulged in their food.

"Happy Thanksgiving."


	22. Christmas

**Friday, December 24**

After tackling their first Thanksgiving, Olivia thought she would have some time between then and Christmas to recuperate, but the first week of December had proven her theories wrong. The girls had called her that weekend to "get a head start!" on gift shopping, and Olivia had groaned inwardly forgetting all of the extras that came along with this holiday. As much as she thought she hated this holiday, something had switched inside of her this year. She had a daughter now, a _boyfriend,_ was pregnant for the first time- she had a family this year.

They had invited the kids over to pick out a tree and decorate it together, gone on a ride to look at the Christmas lights, and even got a chance to make a few gingerbread houses. It was all so much more different for Olivia, but she loved every minute of it. Now that it was finally Christmas Eve, Olivia felt relieved. Every gift had been wrapped, the few dishes she made for dinner at Kathy's were finished, and now she was able to enjoy their first Christmas Eve together. Elizabeth and Eli had come over to watch a few movies,

"Is that my shirt?"

"Maybe," Olivia smirked when she got into bed.

"Well," he rolled out of bed and went over to his closet to pull out a hoodie of his. "You should probably take one of these too, because we're going on a little trip," he tossed it towards her before grabbing another one for himself.

"Elliot, it's almost midnight.." she hesitantly put on the hoodie and went over to her drawer to grab a pair of leggings.

"It won't take long I promise. Grab some shoes, I'll go tell Liz to keep an eye on the kids," he kissed her forehead and went across the hall. It wasn't like Elliot to be so spontaneous, but she knew he had something up his sleeve for this holiday and decided to let him have his fun. She went to grab a pair of boots, a beanie, and a scarf before going into the living room to wait on him.

The drive had maybe been fifthteen minutes, she wasn't sure since Elliot insisted she wear a bandana to cover her eyes. She felt the SUV come to a stop, and heard Elliot hop out of the truck as soon as he cut the engine. Her door had opened and he carefully helped her out of the car, warning her that there were a few stairs ahead of them. She heard a few keys jingling and followed him when he grabbed her hand. There was nothing but silence that surrounded them, and only a few moments passed until he removed the blindfold.

"What is this?" she gave her eyes a moment to adjust before looking around the bare living room they stood in.

" _This..._ this is our new house," he pulled her into his arms and wrapped his arms around her waist.

" _Elliot_ ," she shook her head in disbelief, already protesting against this. Just by the looks of the dimly lit living room they stood in, she knew it was way out of their price range.

"Hear me out for a minute," he ran his fingers up and down the base of her back, and smiled small at her. "It's four bedrooms 2 and a half baths, a small backyard but secured, it only takes a few minutes longer to get to work. Olivia this is exactly what we need.."

"But Elliot the price..we can't afford this."

"A buddy of mines owns this place and needed a renter. He offered it to me once he heard I was looking for a new place. Cut me a hell of a deal when I told him we were together..having a baby," he smirked at her making his dimple appear. "He's happy for us. Told me I had no choice but to take this place off his hands," her face softened as she peered up at him through her dark lashes.

"I can't believe you did this for us."

"Well believe it," he pulled her closer and enveloped his arms around her. He buried his face in her hair, and felt her tears hit his neck. "We move on February first- my lease will be up," he pulled away slightly and used the pad of his thumb to wipe the few tears that fell. "Merry Christmas," his voice was barely above a whisper.

"Merry Christmas," she wrapped both of her arms around his neck, and leaned up to bring his lips to hers. His hand tangled in her hair and pushed her closer to him, while the other gripped her backside and carefully pushed her back towards the wall behind her. She giggled when her shoulders hit the wall and seen the concerned look on Elliot's face when she pulled away. "I'm just pregnant, I won't break," her fingers wrapped around the nape of his neck and pulled him back to her. He lifted her leg and wrapped it around his waist, pushing his growing arousal into her, and she cried out at the delicious feeling of him between her legs.

Her hands slid under his hoodie and up his back, feeling the ridges and muscles, the heat radiating off of him. She swore when her fingers made contact with his skin that they had seared an imprint into his. "I need these off," she tugged on the drawstring of his sweats.

" _Later.._ I promise," he didn't even need to check to see how ready she was for him. But taking her against the wall of a place they've owned for five minutes wasn't quite in the plans for tonight. She frowned and attempted to pull on the drawstring anyway, finally giving up when he grabbed her wrists and put them at her side. "Olivia.." he chuckled.

"You're no fun," she dropped her leg from his waist and moved from the wall he had her against. "Hurry and show me around so we can get home," Elliot threw his head back in laughter and laced his fingers through hers. She followed him as he guided her through the townhouse, flipping on lights as they went through each room. The kitchen was modern, all white cabinets and steel appliances. A breakfast bar and granite countertops. The dining room connected and was more than big enough to fit a table large enough for their entire family. He opened the sliding doors that led to the small patio and backyard, already thinking of plans to add a swingset and a few other things for Eli, Cecilia, and their baby boy.

He led her back to the front of the townhouse where the L shaped stairs were that led to the four bedrooms upstairs. Each had been spacious, the perfect size really for all of the kids. When they finally came to the end of the hall where the master bedroom was, she was speechless. A white stone fireplace, wood floors, his and hers sinks in the bathroom suite, and a closet big enough for the both of them. It was a perfect fit.

On their way back home, they had taken a detour and stopped at the diner a few blocks away from the precinct. They remembered how many sleepless nights they would spend their after a hard case. Elliot always ordered an extra stack of pancakes for them to share, and laughed to himself when Olivia finished the extra stack on her own this time around. The last time they had eaten here, Olivia was complaining about Alex being indecisive about her baby shower and he was getting advice on the best apartment building to move into. _Now,_ he was sitting across from not only his partner but the mother of his children and the love of his life.

 **Saturday, December 25**

Elliot watches as Olivia sleeps next to him for what felt like the hundredth time, her back is turned to him and her hand rests on her growing swell that remained a safe haven for their unborn son. Her hair is a tousled mess, and her waves that formed after their shower together last night framed her face. He remembered that's what happened when she didn't bother to brush it, or apply any product to it. Elliot smiled to himself, having a flashback of the first time she showered at his place and forgot everything she needed for her hair. That was the first time he had seen it in it's natural state and it became his favorite. He wrapped a loose curl around his finger lightly before letting it fall and running his hand lightly over her head.

It was Christmas morning and he was in bed with his partner, Olivia Benson.

"Merry Christmas," she whispered, her eyes still closed. Her hand that rested on her belly reached up and wrapped his hand around her, placing it under hers and returning to the position it was in before.

"Merry Christmas," he said quietly back, snuggling his body closer to hers.

"Did you feel that?" she smiled and looked up at him. "Your son is kicking away this morning," she moved his hand over over just a bit. It was still a little too early for him to be able to feel anything, but she always tried.

"What does it feel like?"

"Heaven. Whenever I worry that something could go wrong at any minute, it's like he knows and he moves around to remind me he's our miracle. That he's here to stay," Olivia lifted Elliot's hand and brought it to her lips. He placed a kiss to the back of her head and refrained from getting emotional.

"You're halfway there. Before you know it he'll be here," he heard the knob on the door jiggle a little before Eli appeared standing in the doorway. His face lit up when he seen they had been awake.

"Merry Christmas daddy and Livia!" he climbed onto the bed and squeezed himself between the two. They both rested their heads in the palm of their hands and hovered over him.

"Merry Christmas baby," Olivia kissed the tip of his nose and ran her fingers through his blonde curls.

"Did you go check to see if Santa ate the cookies?" Elliot chimed in.

"Not yet.." the child ran his fingers lightly over Olivia's tummy, barely making eye contact with either of them.

"What's wrong buddy?" they had both picked up on his off setting attitude.

"I miss mommy," Elliot sighed. He knew it was coming sooner or later, but not this early.

"I'm sorry bud..but remember the plan? We're gonna make breakfast and open all the gifts Santa got you and _then_ go to mommy's for dinner," he thought Eli had been doing pretty well since Elliot had moved out a year ago, but he also knew their first holiday apart would be difficult.

"Okay," he sighed.

"How about we make some chocolate chip pancakes and open some gifts with your sisters?" Olivia tried to sound more upbeat, hoping to get a smile out of him.

"Can we put in _extra_ chocolate chips since it's Christmas?"

"Yes baby, we can!" she kissed his cheeks and he scrambled to get out of bed to go wake Elizabeth.

"He's going to be okay. Once he sees that new game you got him, he'll forget all about it," she looked over at the monitor and seen Cecilia had been awake, and was in her crib babbling away. "I'll go get C, and you go make sure Liz hasn't killed Eli for waking her up so early," this was it- the beginning of their first Christmas together. When she started to get out of bed, he pulled her back in gently.

"I just want a few extra minutes with you," he moved between her thighs and rested his weight on his forearms. She peeked over at the door, seeing that Eli hadn't closed it entirely. "Don't worry, I'll be quick," she was about to protest until he reached into the pocket of the sweatpants he wore. In those five seconds she had sworn her heart had dropped into the pit of her stomach when he pulled a gold box from his pocket.

"I wanted to give this to you last night, but we got a little preoccupied once we got home," she blushed and took the box from his hands. He sat back on the heel of his feet and watched her carefully.

"Elliot..what is this?" she pulled the silver band from the box, and read the inscription written inside.

 _I'll be your person, always._

"It's a promise," he took the ring from her and slid it on her left ring finger. "We aren't too good with labels," he grinned and kissed the ring on her finger. "I didn't want to scare you with a stone, but I needed something there.." he stumbled on his words. She knew he wasn't too good with this- neither of them were. But they had known each other long enough to be able to communicate with one another using more than just words.

"A house, a ring..never would have taken you to be the poster boy for romantics too," she pushed him back and straddled his waist. "I love it and I love you so so so much," her hair framed his face as she leaned over him and placed a loving kiss to his lips. "It's beautiful El," she looked at it sitting on her ring finger, and he watched as she did this, recognizing a different side to Olivia.

"Aw come _on_ guys, at least lock the door!" Elizabeth walked into their room and quickly covered her eyes when she seen Olivia on top of her father. "You know what I'll go keep Eli busy while you two..I'm just gonna go!" she backed away slowly before either of them could get another word in and slammed the door behind her. Olivia hid her face in Elliot's neck and giggled, taking that as a sign their alone time was officially over.

Dinner at Kathy's wasn't exactly something Olivia had been looking forward to, but she wasn't as worried about having to sit alongside Elliot's ex wife anymore. She felt like they gotten out all of the fighting, the angst, and finally found an equilibrium.

When they had gotten to Kathy's, they had all gathered around the living room and opened their gifts while the food finished reheating. Olivia enjoyed just watching the kids get excited over finally getting what they had been wanting all year, and was even more elated when she managed to get the right gifts for the kids. Her and Kathy had even managed to hold a conversation without forcing it, and for once it felt genuine. Olivia could tell she was still a bit uncomfortable with the idea of her and Elliot starting their own family, but she appreciated her efforts towards moving on.

They had eaten dinner, which Olivia managed to hold down this time around, and had decided to call it a night not too long after. The girls had begged Olivia to stay for a quick game of charades, but Elliot objected on her behalf, knowing that at this point she was running on fumes. And for once she didn't object.

They'd gotten home and put an already sleeping Cecilia to bed, before stripping out of their clothes and entangling themselves within one another in bed.

They had gotten through their first Christmas.

She laid her head to Elliot's chest and crossed her leg over his body to lay on her side. Only moments had passed before he had let sleep claim him, and Olivia had taken this moment to look at him while he slept much like he did to her. She stared at him forever it seemed, trying to take in every millimeter of his face, trying to remember every memory of today. It was her first Christmas with her _family._ She placed her hand over his that rested on the side of her belly, and smiled. God, she just couldn't believe it.

She was finally happy.


	23. the bug

**Tuesday, January 21**

10 days.

10 more days until Elliot and Olivia move into their new place and begin an entirely new chapter together. She had still been in denial that he had managed to snag such a place for them, but grateful that he took a chance and got it for them. They had began preparing for their big move just a little bit after the new year, going over to her place some nights to pack and vice versa at his place. It was an exhausting process, deciding on what to keep for their new place, what to throw out, what to buy entirely brand new. They had also been debating on selling her place or renting it out since she had owned it. It was last night when they had finally finished packing up at both their places, leaving only the necessities unpacked.

Despite the grueling process of moving, Olivia was still able to work on going forward with Cecilia's adoption _with_ Elliot. Which oddly enough, had caused her to form a relationship with Casey Novak, their ADA. Children's services wasn't exactly her profession, but she had done everything she could that night Cecilia was born so that Olivia was able to obtain temporary custody- and she had been forever grateful that she had gone to such lengths for her.

They had met for a quick lunch a few weeks ago, Casey's suggestion, wanting to catch up with Olivia after hearing about her moving forward with the paperwork. And offering to help in any way she could. After that first initial meeting, many more lunches had followed afterwards and so their friendship had begun to blossom. It was refreshing for Olivia to get the dynamic back of having a girlfriend to have adult conversation with.

It was the beginning of _another_ work week on desk duty, and Olivia was beginning to grow tired of it. Each time they had gotten a call, she had to watch as each of her squad members paired up and went on each call. All of them including Elliot. She missed him.

"Hey baby," Elliot peeked into the small break room connected to their bullpen, and smiles when he sees Olivia eating her lunch alone at the table near a window that peeks over the city. He walks over to her and places a kiss to her forehead before taking the seat across.

"No way," she shakes her head and slaps his hand away when he attempts to take a fry from the takeout container she ate out of.

"I've been in court all day. I'm starvin'," he pouts, trying to get pity from her but she isn't having it.

"Nuh uh. I'm creating life over here. Which is an automatic win in everything," he laughs at her witty comeback. "By the way how was that?"

"Just waiting on the jury, but I think we're gonna get the verdict we want," he sighs and scrubs his hands down his face, exhaustion evident in the worry lines that have formed over the past few weeks.

"Hopefully this is the last time you'll have to be in court for a while," she pushes her plate of food over towards him, feeling sorry for him. He manages to give her a small smile and takes a fry.

"Yeah.." his voice is quiet, today's trial obviously weighing heavily on his mind. "How's the bug?" he tries for a change in topic. She smiled at the nickname he had given their baby boy a few weeks ago.

"He's good. Driving me crazy but he's good," her hand absentmindedly skimmed over the black silk blouse she wore. "My third trimester is around the corner and we still don't have a name. We can't just keep calling him _the bug_ ," he shrugs and his cell phone alerts him that he has a text message. When he pauses a beat to take a look at it, Olivia huffs. Making no effort to hide her annoyance with him already.

"I'm sorry baby, it's the Romero case. You know I'd rather-"

"Be here with me. Yeah yeah," she rolls her eyes and reaches over to snag her tray of food back from him. She knew he was doing his best in trying to pick up the slack with her not being able to go out on calls, but damn she missed him. By the time he got home they were both too tired for sex. By the time the morning came for any opportunity for alone time he was already out on a case.

"Hey," he walked over to her and cupped her chin with his hand, tilting her head up towards him. He frowns when he sees the pout on her lips. "I will try my hardest to be home at a decent time tonight so we can make a list of baby names, okay?" he ghosts his mouth over hers for barely a second before she's leaning into him. He kisses her momentarily before pulling away and tugging a loose strand of hair behind her ear, and kissing the tip of her nose.

"If you make it home by 9, I can promise you there will be a reward for it," she winks and a smile spreads across his face.

"Well then I better get going," he steals one more kiss before rubbing her bump and going off to find Munch.

He sits in the car for an extra few minutes, preparing for the storm he knows is waiting for him upstairs.

12:34 am

His dashboard clock illuminates the numbers in blue, and only serve as a reminder that he hadn't made it home at a decent time like he had promised Olivia earlier.

Elliot scrubs his hands down his face, and snags the keys from the ignition before going inside the apartment building.

The lights are off and he's met with silence once again this week. He maneuvers his way past the boxes that line up the walls, and goes first to the nursery to give Cecilia a kiss goodnight. He stands over the white crib he remembers putting together with Olivia, and watches her sleep for a moment. He sighs when he notices just how different she had looked in a week's time, ultimately hating that the job had been taking away so much time from her.

A recurrence constantly happening in his life.

He leans and places a kiss to her forehead, and double checks that her monitor is on before going across the hall to Olivia's room. The room is dark, the only light coming from the lights of the city that break through the curtains. Her back is turned to him, and her body is nestled under the comforter. He takes slow strides over to her, and leans to place a kiss to her temple, careful not to wake her. He sees a pen and half open journal lying next to her, and takes a quick peek.

She had started the list without him.

He shuts the book and sighs once again before heading into the bathroom. Olivia wasn't Kathy, she understood more than anyone how this job just takes and takes until you have no more to give. But that didn't make the guilt he felt go away. He had made a promise to himself that day in the doctor's office when told them their baby boy was still alive and kicking, that he would commit himself entirely to his kids. He had made the same promise when Eli was born, and had failed miserably less than a year in.

But this time things would be different.

They had to be.

He pauses a beat and takes a moment to look at her again, reiterating those words in his head like a mantra. Things would be _different._ He would do _better._ As soon as this case was over.

Elliot stripped himself of his clothes, throwing on a pair of sweatpants before sliding into bed next to Olivia. She sighs lightly, somewhere between halfway awake and halfway asleep once she feels the bed shift under his weight.

"So much for being home by 9," she croaks. Her eyes are still closed as she says it. She turns her body away from him, even moving over a few inches to create some distance.

"Liv, I'm sorry. You know how this job is.." he sits up, resting his weight on his arm. She's silent. And he's not sure if she's asleep or not. So he sits and he waits.

"Olivia.." still nothing. "Please don't be mad at me," he lays on his side and brings her body close to his. She doesn't resist and seconds later she falls into his touch.

She could never stay mad him.

"I'm a little upset," she reaches for his hand that rests on her hip and brings it to the underside of her swell. "I was just _really_ looking forward to you being home tonight.." her voice is calm and barely above a whisper as she talks. She feels ridiculous for being so sensitive about this. Olivia knows he's trying his hardest to be there for her during this pregnancy, but she tries to remember that that includes him picking up the extra calls so the squad doesn't fall behind without her being there.

But she was terrified.

She finally admitted it to herself. Being a mother wasn't new to her of course, but this pregnancy had been. It was rocky from the very beginning, and she can't help the fear that sits in the back of her mind that something is going to go wrong- and he won't be around if something does. She's always craved the need to have him by her side, whether she was willing to admit it or not. But now it was a necessity.

"I promise I will make it up to you, okay?" his voice echos lightly near her ear and she feels a chill down her spine when she feels his lips ghost just below her ear. She hums and turns her head just enough for him to capture her lips. It's a call for truce.

"Do you want to see what I bought today?" her mood shifts, changing the subject. Before he can answer she's already sliding out of bed and going into her closet, revealing a plastic bag from what he assumes is the mall. She climbs back into bed and sits in the middle, dumping the pile of clothing onto the bed.

"I went in there just to look around, but I couldn't resist," the frustration that flooded her mind moments ago were soon forgotten, when the smile breaks across her face. She picks up one of the pieces of fabric, a baby blue onesie with white polka dots. "What?" she notices him looking at her with a sly smile.

"You bought him clothes already?" his tone is laced with humor as he picks up one of the outfits and looks at it for himself.

"And a few burp cloths, hats, mittens," she laughs a little and sorts out the items.

"So a little bit of everything huh?"

"We only have a little over 16 weeks left. The bug will be here before we know it," she stuffed the bag full again and tossed it on the floor. The wave of energy she felt is long gone as her exhaustion sets in again. "Names tomorrow, Elliot. Names," she yawns and crawls back into bed beside him. His arms wrap around her body as she rests her head in the crook of his arm.

"Tomorrow," he sighs and relaxes, letting sleep claim him too.

 **Wednesday, January 22**

"The hell?" Olivia yelped when she seen the curtain to the shower fly open. "El, I'm trying to shower here!"

"I know. Me too," he strips himself of the sweats he wore to bed and steps into the shower behind her.

"What are you doing?" she turns halfway around when she sees him reaching for the bottle of bath soap. He takes the loofah she holds and squeezes more of the foamy substance onto the bright pink puff. Olivia watches him intensely until she realizes just what he's doing.

"No no no, we are not doing this," she tries to protest but falters when she feels the warmth of his mouth on her neck. "El, the baby-"

"Is sleeping..can we just enjoy this last 20 minutes or so that we have together?" he doesn't wait for her to answer, and instead drags the loofah over her shoulder and down her back lifting her hair out of his way. His movements are slow and calculated, causing more than just the heat of the water to set her skin ablaze. The steam that fills the small space is thick and filled with nothing but desire.

She wants him.

Now. Fast and hard. No fourplay needed.

Her hips rock back into him and she isn't surprised when she feels his arousal already beginning to stir. Only a few seconds pass before she turns around completely and his mouth is on hers. It felt like weeks had passed since the last time he was able to _really_ kiss her- just like this. To be able to take his time with her, tangle his hands in her hair with her body pressed against his.

God he's missed this.

He pushes her towards the white tiled wall of the shower and lifts her leg around his waist, wrapping his arm around hers to hold her steady. His eyes glance at her once, and she bites her bottom lip in anticipation. He takes ahold of his dick and aligns himself with her entrance, the look on her face serving as confirmation that she's ready for him. He fills her slowly and her body stretches to accommodate him. She cries at the feel of him inside of her for the first in what felt like forever. Her body grips onto him as her orgasm already approaches, and he knows he needs to move.

He pulls back and thrusts into her again as the heat of the water rains down on them. His pace quickens when she begins to beg him for more, getting the message across that gentle lovemaking isn't what she wanted this morning.

Olivia's arms wrap around his neck as she buries her face into the crook of his neck and bites onto his shoulder as he continues to fuck into her. "Come on baby," he spurs her on as her grip around him tightens. Careful of her growing swell he lifts her up onto the wall, widening his stances to support her as her long legs wrap around him. He finds himself able to close the last few millimeters he needs to completely bury himself inside of her. He's only able to thrust a few more times before he comes and empties himself inside of her. She shatters around him once she feels the warmth of his release spreading inside of her.

He holds her here for a moment before pulling out of her and letting her legs hit the floor, she stumbles. His chuckle fills the room and the corners of her mouth lift as she slumps against the wall. Her body is sated and the ache of having the brute but oh so satisfying force of him inside of her, is already kicking in. "God, what's it been?-"

"12 days.." he interrupts and picks up where he left off, continuing to bathe her.

"Never again," she lifts her head to kiss him and takes the loofah from his hands to return the favor. While she runs it over the wide expanse of his chest, he reaches to pour the bottle of shampoo into the palm of his hand. He lathers the substance in his hands and begins massaging her scalp. She closes her eyes for a moment, and looks up into his eyes that reflect back at her. "I'm sorry I've been such a bitch the last few days.."

"S'okay," he places a kiss to her forehead and takes the cup that sets in the corner of the tub that she uses when she bathes Cecilia, and fills it with water to rinse her hair.

"It's not. I was so hard on you. I know you're trying your best. I guess I'm just a little..hormonal," she rolls her eyes, which brings a smile to his face. "You still love me?"

"Of course I do," he wraps his hand around the back of her neck and brings her lips up to his. What was supposed to be a short peck, turns into a deepened kiss once she grants his tongue permission to ravage her mouth.

"Ah ah," she pulls away and scolds him when she feels his hands trail lower down her body. Elliot frowns but knows she is right and complies by reaching behind her and turning off the water. He grabs the towel that hangs from the shower rod and wraps it around her body before helping her step out of the tub. She runs her hand over the mirror to rid it of the mist that formulated from the steam of the shower, to take a look at him as he stands behind her with a towel wrapped around his waist. He places a kiss to her temple and turns to exit the bathroom, and give her some space to get ready.

That and he didn't think he would be able to keep his hands off of her. Not today, and honestly not ever.

 **I had a severe case of writers block oh my lord.**

 **I dont know how many chapters are left of this, but Im thinking around 30 it'll be done and that makes me so sad.**


	24. Soon

**A/N this chapter is a little short but with all of the tragedy that's happened this week, i carved out some time to do something that brings me joy. I'll update soon xx.**

 **Friday, February 1**

Almost 6 torturous hours of moving but they had finally did it. They had brought over everything from Olivia and Elliot's place, finally making this new home theirs. There wouldn't be any more running back and forth between each other's places, planning out who's place they would be at this week, forgetting something important at another's. They finally just had _one home_ , and it was theirs to grow in and start what felt like a new life together.

" _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.._ " the melody of the nursery rhyme falls from Olivia's lips as she rocks Cecilia to sleep in the room that would soon become hers. The child straddles her mother's lap, resting her head at the peak of her swell. She's incredibly bigger now and the days of swaddling her and cradling her close are long gone. ".. _you'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away.."_ Olivia rests her lips on the top of her blonde curls, planting a soft kiss every now and then. Cecilia had fallen asleep long ago, but these days Olivia had been soaking up every moment she could with her. She spends a few extra moments patting her back and rocking her gently in the glider before placing her in her crib, the only two things they had managed to put together tonight.

She turns on the night light they'd plugged in on the floor and leaves the door cracked behind her before maneuvering her way past the boxes and going to find Elliot downstairs. She finds him in their living room, putting together the new unit they had bought for their tv and she laughs a bit when she hears him groan in frustration.

"..damn instructions don't make any sense," he's sitting on the floor with the pieces spread around him, turning the pages in the small instruction manual back and forth.

"It's late. Maybe you should wait until Fin and Nick make it over here tomorrow," she took a seat on the sectional, tucking her feet under her.

"I don't know why you keep buying things from that IKEA store. There's always at least a thousand pieces to these things," he tosses the manual to the side and joins her on the couch. "You hungry?"

"Starving!" he laughs and moves off the couch after placing a quick kiss to her forehead. "Do you think that maybe we can order breakfast for dinner. More specifically a stack of blueberry and chocolate chip pancakes," eating for two had been an understatement lately.

"Let me guess, the bug wants it?" he rejoins her on the couch and scrolls his phone already looking for the number to order from.

"He wants _everything,_ " she groans holding both of her hands under her swell. "12 more weeks.." and she can't believe it. She was officially in her third trimester and she honestly can't remember where the time had gone. "Come here," she takes his hand and brings it underneath hers like always.

"Oh my god!" he yelps with glee and moves closer to her, bringing his face to her belly. He had been trying for weeks to feel a kick from their baby boy, and finally felt it. It's something he had felt many times before but like always it's different this time around. It's his and _Olivia's_ little piece of love growing and moving about. "I love you so so much, I do.." he whispers against her and it takes Olivia back to see the sensitive side of Elliot. She oftens forgets that her aggressive and rageful partner, was a loving and committed father before anything else.

He spends the next few moments nestled against her like this and she runs her fingers through his cropped hair and before they know it the food is soon forgotten, both of them falling asleep on the couch of their new home.

 **Wednesday, February 11**

"Elliot!" she screams up the stairs after peeking through the blinds and seeing the car of who she assumed was their social worker, Sonya. Today was their first home visit and hopefully their last. Olivia was growing impatient and just wanted for the papers to be finalized before Cecilia's first birthday. She knew it was asking a lot but she just couldn't see herself trying to do this after the baby was born.

Olivia scoops up Cecilia who had been crawling close behind her, straightening out the bright pink jumper she wore with a matching bow. She snuggles her close as she rests on her hip, and lets out a chuckle when she grabs onto Olivia's face to give her her version of "kisses". "Can you be a good girl for your mama and da da?"

"Ma ma!" she repeats the phrase back to her and Olivia swears she can never get enough of it.

"Good?" Elliot stood at the end of the stairs after changing his shirt for the third time at Olivia's request.

"Perfect," she reaches over to smooth out the collar of his salmon colored button up and jumps slightly when she hears the sound of the doorbell. "Everything will be fine," he reaches for her hand and gives it a squeeze before following her to open the front door.

"Hi, you must be Sonja!" Olivia reaches to shake her hand and smiles brightly at her.

"Olivia, Elliot," the shorter slightly heavy set woman greets them both returning a warm smile and reaches out towards Cecilia. "And you must be Cecilia!" she coos and holds her hand gently, receiving a smile full of gums from her.

 _Okay good start._

"Come in it's pretty chilly out there today," Elliot takes her coat and hands it on the coat rack near the door before following her and Olivia into the living room.

"This house is gorgeous. Casey said you two just moved here?"

"A little over a week ago, but thank you," Olivia sits on the end of the plush grey sectional and is joined by Elliot while Sonja sits adjacent in the printed chair.

"So, it's no secret why I'm here. I just have a few questions for you regarding the paperwork you submitted a few months ago. And then hopefully a tour and we'll be finished for the day."

"Sure. Ask away."

"Okay let's see here.." she shuffles through the file she brought along with her. The questions she asks are simple and easy enough. Of course the question regarding both of their jobs working for the Manhattan Special Victims Unit came into play, but they had both been able to answer confidently. Olivia and Elliot both knew there was no perfect formula to raising a child while also being a detective in a city that never sleeps. But they had a solid foundation to start with and plenty of siblings that were more than willing to help.

It had been a simple series of questions until..

"So my last question is regarding the nature of the relationship between the two of you. You aren't married?"

Shit.

"No not exactly," Olivia squirms. She knows the question was bound to come up but can't help the pit that forms in her stomach.

"Do you have any plans to?"

"Yes."

"We're not really-" Olivia is thrown off by his statement. Yes?

"You're not really what?" Sonja's eyes go back and forth between the two.

"We're not really sure when exactly," Olivia wings her answer and tries incredibly hard to hide the shock in her voice. Marriage was just one of those things they weren't worried about- or at least Olivia.

"But.." Elliot chimes in. "Hopefully once this little guy comes we'll be able to get started on that," he looks over at Olivia and winks and she gives him tight smile that quickly fades away.

"I just want to make sure that Cecilia is going to be in a stable and loving environment. An unmarried couple adopting is often frowned upon but of course your situation is special," she says, referring the fact that Cecilia wasn't just some random kid being placed in their home, she was family.

"And we promise to give her nothing but that and more,."

"Okay!" Sonja jots down a few notes and grins briefly before standing from where she sat. "How about that tour?"

Today had gone so smoothly she was almost tempted to say it had been perfect.

A few hours after their visit with Sonja, Olivia had gotten a call from Casey, letting her know that Sonja had nothing but great things to say after meeting with them earlier that afternoon. She went even further by saying she thinks her adoption will be processed completely within the next month.

Cecilia would finally be theirs- completely and fully. No more paperwork, no more home visits.

 _Theirs._

As in her and Elliot, her partner turned lover, turned father of her children, turned man she suddenly couldn't see her life without?

Almost an entire year later and she still wasn't able to wrap her head around it.

Hell she wasn't even able to get over the fact that they had made it almost an entire year.

She loves him with every whole being of her body, she always did- whether she was willing to admit it or not. Which brought up the question from earlier that day.

He wanted to marry her, and soon.

She didn't know what _soon_ meant in Elliot's mind. He had barely been divorced it felt like and he was ready to her so.. _soon._

"Whatcha thinkin about?" he stands across from her as she sits at the marbled breakfast bar, eating from a bowl of leftover spaghetti from the night before.

"You and us.." a smile tugs on the corners of her mouth. Her hair is thrown into a bun at the top of her head as tendrils of her air dried waves frame her face. She's wearing an oversized shirt of his like always, only this time it grips her bump just a little tighter.

"Me and us?" he leans in with the palms of his hands pressed into the countertop.

"You really wanna marry me?" the words shoot straight out her mouth.

"Yeah- Yeah I do."

"Soon?" there's that word again.

"Soon?"

"How soon is _soon_?"

"Just soon-" he plays coy.

"Elliot!"

"What? Why would I tell you when? I don't even know when. I just know it's been on my mind a lot lately. Do you not want to get married?" he's bordering along the line of defense. The pause that follows after his question send him on high alert. "Olivia.."

"I do I do," the words are quick and she feels the wave of panic rising through her. "It's just marriage is..scary. They say it's just a piece of paper that doesn't change anything but it does- it always does."

"But for the better."

"Or the worst.."

"Do you really think that's going to happen to us? Shit, we've been through the _worst_ and look at where we ended up," he was right. Her mind is flooded with the memories of every strain their partnership has faced. Gitano, Harrison, dangerous undercover operations, covering for one another, Elliot almost dying so many times she had lost count..

"Look.." he rounds the corner of the counter and stands in front of her, cupping the sides of her face that looks a bit fuller these days. "We will both know when the time is right, I'm sure of it. And when that time comes we'll be more than ready," his smile reaches his eyes which in turn make her smile right back at him. He leans in and kisses her softly and pulls away after only a few seconds. "Let's get you to bed."

 **Hi. I hope this chapter makes you smile today.**

 **Reviews are cute. You should leave one.**


	25. The Weekend

**Wednesday, March 13**

"Your court date is set for April 4th with Judge Linden at noon. You'll both just sign a few final documents and then you'll be all set. Cecilia will officially be yours," Trevor Langan and Casey sat across from Olivia as they dined at the cafe down the street from the precinct. They had all managed to sneak away from their desks that afternoon, and finally discuss the last few pieces to Cecilias pending adoption.

"Ours..wow I just can't believe it!" Olivia ran her fingers over the document of approval and couldn't help the tears of joy that fell from her eyes. "God, I can't wait to tell Elliot."

"Congratulations! I'll be seeing you sooner rather than later," he smiled and reached to give her hand a light squeeze. "I've got a meeting to get to but uh Casey..I'll talk to you later?" he slid a few papers into a folder before packing away his brief case.

"Yeah," she nodded giving him a soft smile before he turned to leave and sneakily pay the bill.

"What was that?" Olivia sat back in her seat with both hands on her swell, looking skeptically at Casey.

"What was what?" the redhead played coy and returned to eating her salad.

" _I'll talk to you later,_ " she said placing air quotes in the air with her hands.

"Yes and it's exactly what he meant," she paused a beat. "We'll just be talking over dinner, possibly candlelight," she shrugged her shoulders and couldn't help the smirk that formed.

"Casey!"

"What? All those nights we spent together doing paperwork for the adoption. There's no way this could have been avoided."

"You have to tell me everything!"

"I don't think it's ladylike to kiss and tell."

"So you've kissed him?" Olivia leaned in.

"Saved by the bell!" her phone rang and she hurried to answer it. "..uh huh..yeah...I'll be right there," she gathered her belongings before throwing her phone in her purse. "I've gotta go Liv. Let me walk you back to the precinct."

"We'll be talking later," she tried once then twice before lifting herself from the table they sat at.

"If things go well tonight I promise you'll get every detail," she locked arms with Olivia and walked the few blocks over to the precinct.

Most times Olivia hated getting off from work so much sooner than Elliot, but today she had been elated. Since finding out the news from Trevor this afternoon she couldn't stop thinking about it. As much as she wanted to tell Elliot as soon as he got back to the precinct that afternoon, she decided to wait until tonight. Once she had gotten home and dismissed their sitter, she began preparing dinner keeping her fingers crossed that Elliot would make it home in time tonight. It had been ages it felt like since they had sat down for a home cooked meal, and she couldn't think of a more perfect way to break the news to him.

"Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma," Cecilia babbled as she stood holding on to the coffee table, wobbly walking over to Olivia.

"Oh I love you so much!" Olivia caught her as she tried to take the few steps over to where she was. "You're getting so big!" she held her waist to hold her up as Cecilia continued on with her babbling, drool running down her chin.

"Something smells amazing," Elliot came around the corner, dropping his keys off on the side table.

"Is that daddy?" Olivia's smile had reached her eyes as the words left her mouth. Cecilias face had lit up the moment she seen Elliot walk into the living room, wiggling herself from Olivia's grasp and crawling over to him.

"I missed you all day," he scooped her from the ground and kissed her cheek, initiating the slightest giggle from her. "I missed you too," he placed Cecilia back onto the ground and went over to help Olivia up from where she sat. He cupped the side of her face, entangling his fingers in her hair and kissed her softly.

"Dinner's ready," she grinned and pulled him in for another kiss.

"You cooked? What's the occasion?"

"Well, I've actually got good news, amazing news actually but let's grab a plate first," he grabbed Cecilia and placed her in her high chair before going into the kitchen to help Olivia. He had only let a few moments pass after sitting down before asking.

"You're not going to make me sit through an entire dinner are you?" she smiles before getting up and going to grab the papers that had been given to her earlier today.

"April 4th and we get to bring our baby home officially as ours," he scanned over the papers before pulling her into his lap and capturing her lips. Her face had been soaked yet again with happy tears as she poured her love into their heartfelt kiss.

"I never really needed a piece of paper to feel like a father to Cecilia- I'm sure you know that. But this is life changing news!" He used the pads of his thumbs to wipe away the tears that continued to fall down her cheeks. "I love you," she had been choked up and unable to form words. Instead she kissed him again and chuckled, like always, finding it hard to believe that this had been her life.

"And I love you too baby girl," he ran his hand over her head full of curls and in return she offered him a handful of her mashed potatoes.

"Oh god," Olivia laughed when Elliot took her up on her offer and took a small bite out of her small hand. "You're such a good sport," she kissed the corner of his mouth and returned to her to her seat.

"Shockingly that's not the first time I've done that," they'd laughed until each of them had tears, it hadn't even been that funny but each time one would stop laughing, one look at the other and they'd be at it again.

"Oh!" Olivia yelped as her hand shot the underside of her belly.

"You okay?" Elliot reached over and planted his hand next to hers.

"Yeah yeah I'm okay! That was just a really hard kick!" she took his hand in hers and guided it over to where he would be able to feel the foot protruding outwards. "He wants in on the fun too I guess," she chuckled.

 **Thursday, March 20**

The sun had just begun to rise over the city that apparently never slept, even though there hadn't hardly been a soul in sight when Olivia had been whisked away by Elliot early this morning. He had woken her up almost an hour before their usual time and after being cursed at a few times for "waking her at such an ungodly hour", he was finally able to coax her into throwing on a pair of sweats because they were going on a trip.

She was groggy, exhausted, achy, and overall just well..pregnant. 7 more glorious weeks until she would be free of the back aches that came along with carrying an extra almost 30 pounds, the headaches, the swollen _everything_. Child birth terrified Olivia, but all she wanted at this point was to hold their baby boy in her arms- and to also be free from all of these aches and pains.

Elliot understood all too well the troubles she had been going through, and just how difficult getting up in the morning had already been for her. But this trip had been something he had been planning for a few months now. It would be their last hoorah before the baby was here and they would officially be parents of two under two.

"Where are you taking me?" Olivia asked with her eyes halfway open, resting her head on the cool window of the truck.

"It's a surprise," Elliot was nonchalant and continue to drive towards the tunnel.

"You can't just surprise your pregnant girlfriend who could honestly drop this kid at any time now."

Boy was she testy this morning.

"It's just until Sunday.." his hand that rested on the console slid it's way over to her and rested right at the crux of her thigh. She did a sharp intake and looked over at him, her scowl gone and replaced with an intriguing glare. "I figured some alone time would be nice before he gets here," he gave her thigh a light squeeze before pulling away and placing his hand on the steering wheel.

"Well..I would like to be able to walk after this weekend. That's all I ask," her remark caused him to laugh and not just any laugh. The _deep_ salacious one that was low and made goosebumps form along her neck.

"Can't make any promises," he shot back and went to grab her hand that rested at the top of her swell, lacing his fingers in hers before bringing the back of it to his lips.

Pregnancy hormones.

Those were a thing.

Sometimes they were the worst thing. They made her incredibly moody, emotional, sometimes leaving her on the brink of tears because she couldn't order chinese takeout. However as of late, they had been leaving her _aching_ for Elliot. Yes, _this_ was the part of pregnancy everyone raved about and she hated that it didn't come until she was thirty pounds heavier and swollen _everywhere._

She clenched her thighs, cursing herself for getting all worked up from a simple touch.

God, these hormones really were a bitch.

And this was going to be _long_ ride.

Nearly 2 and a half hours later they had pulled into the driveway of a small two story beach house, the paneling had been white, and the lawn had looked as nice as it could have with spring steadily approaching. The day had been barely 50 degrees, but the partly sunny sky had warmed the air slightly.

Elliot had come to the side of the truck and opened the door to help Olivia step down. She stretched her back and reached into the passenger's seat to grab the hoodie of his that she wore on the drive over. He helped her get it over her head, and pulled the front of it down over her belly. He kissed the tip of her nose before grabbing her hand and guiding her to the front door.

"This is all ours for the weekend," they stood in the small foyer, looking over the layout of what they could see. The living room had been decorated almost entirely white, with a few touches of color here and there. Directly across had been across from the living room was the kitchen, and in front of the door had been a set of stairs that led to the second floor. The walls had been covered in floor to ceiling windows, only sheer white curtains shielding them from the sun.

"What do you think?"

"This is _amazing_. How did you?"

"Mike, of course," he added to his mental checklist that he needed to take Mike out for a drink to thank him for everything he'd done for them.

"He doesn't work for us, but for some odd reason I think we owe him a raise," she chuckled lightly.

"Maybe we can invite him to dinner before Mason is here," she bit on her bottom lip to stop herself from grinning like a complete school girl. They'd been debating back and forth for weeks on a name; Olivia's choice had been Mason, but Elliot had been rooting for Jameson.

"Did you hear what you just said?" she reached to wrap her arms around his neck, lifting her head just enough to look up at him. Elliot instinctively enveloped her in his arms, and ran his hands under the hoodie she wore, moving his thumbs back and forth along her warm skin.

"You said Mason," she said playfully.

"I guess I did huh? It's kind of growing on me," he shrugged his shoulders and leaned in, Olivia meeting him halfway and kissed her lightly. "I figured we can compromise and name him Mason James. Or save Jameson for the next one.."

"Ha! As long as you carry the next one!"

"That bad?" he moved his hands forward and rested them on the underside of her belly.

"Trust me, I'm grateful, I really am but this sucks after the second trimester is over! I'm only 33 weeks and look at me, I'm _huge_ and he's already running out of room in there. And you know, I'm sure at some point in this trip you're going to want to make love, but I honestly don't think you deserve the horror of looking at- _this."_

"Hey now, don't say that," he chided her, and pulled her even closer to him. "I will love and worship this body whether it's pregnant or not. You said it yourself, you're creating life. And doing a hell of a good job doing it," she cracked a smile and stole a kiss, but before she could pull away he thread his fingers through the hair near the base of her neck. His tongue grazed her bottom lip, and she willingly parted her lips.

She loved how he could do that, one touch from him and her entire body was ready to surrender to him. A constant reminder that Elliot was the only one who could make her feel like this. That he wasn't going anywhere as long as she was here on this earth, and that alone had nearly brought her to tears.

He _loved_ her.

And she didn't know how she tended to forget that.

"Why are you crying? Are you in pain?" he pulled away when the taste of salt touched his lips. She touched her hand to her cheek, and felt that she actually had been crying.

"No no, I'm just really happy you're here in my life, and this trip, and our kids, and well everything else in between that," she managed to laugh through the tears that fell involuntarily from her eyes. "Sorry it's the hormones," he laughed with her and laced his fingers with hers.

"Come here," he tugged her gently and she followed closely behind as he led her upstairs to what appeared to be the master bedroom of the house. It had smelled like lemons with a hint of the salty ocean air, fresh. The furniture had been much of the same as the living room. Every square inch had been mixed with tones of creams and whites, with an occasional dose of color. The california king bed was filled with decorative pillows, there had been a fireplace, and a balcony that gave a view to the ocean she was already looking forward to waking up to in the morning.

Without speaking, Elliot removed the hoodie she wore before tracing kisses along her jawline and down her neck. Her skin had felt like silk against his mouth, and he couldn't wait to kiss every inch of her body this weekend. He'd carefully spun her around before removing the t shirt she wore, and continuing to place kisses this time from her neck to along her shoulder. When he'd stepped closer, bringing his body flush against hers from shoulder to thigh, she could feel his arousal hardening against her thigh. Her breath hitched at the feel of his fingers toying with the waistband of the leggings she wore, anticipating the moment he crossed the barrier.

When he pulled away, before she could groan in protest, he turned her body back towards him and kissed her passionately while carefully backing her towards the bed. When she felt her legs bump the edge of the bed, he helped her lay across it before stripping himself of the clothes he had worn, and throwing the leggings she wore across the room. She felt his hands glide up her legs, and paused at her knees before spreading them just enough. When he began kissing the inside of her thighs, she gasped knowing exactly what he was about to do.

His tongue worked her core while his fingers did magic, his thumb pressing on her swollen bundle of nerves and two of his fingers pumping into her. He was gentle and slow, _careful._ He continued as she came around his mouth, kissed her glistening core before pulling away and kissing her. She could taste herself on his tongue, which oddly enough, turned her on even more.

Elliot sat back against the headboard and pulled her onto his lap to straddle him, the latest position that was the most comfortable for Olivia. Her arms wrapped his neck for support as her body slid down onto him. She cried at the feel of him inside of her, a familiar mixture of pleasure and pain as her body accepted his intrusion.

They had made love until the early afternoon, until Olivia had grown completely exhausted. It hadn't been like this in months, the honeymoon phase of their relationship dissipated slowly but not completely during Olivia's pregnancy. Elliot knew it was due to her pains that came along with carrying a child, but he couldn't hold back the euphoria of being in bed with her for hours on end. No kids to keep quiet for, nowhere to be for the day, it would just be them for the weekend and he planned on making the most of it.

While Olivia napped upstairs, Elliot had gone out to the car to grab the bags that he had packed for them both and brought them inside. Once he got everything unloaded he figured she would be up soon, and knew it was best to get started on a late lunch for her. He paused when he reached the kitchen and seen the bouquet of flowers he had completely forgotten about. Elliot grabbed them and quietly took them upstairs to their room for the weekend, and set them on the dresser across from the bed. Wanting them to be the first thing Olivia saw when she woke from her nap.

After checking in with the kids and how they were doing watching Cecilia for the weekend at their place (ciphering that it would be completely too much to have Cecilia go over to Kathy's), Elliot made Olivia's favorite craving at the moment for lunch: pepperoni pizza and her all time favorite, macaroni and cheese. Thankful that he managed to drive up here unnoticed a few days beforehand and stock up on her favorites, he grabbed the box of pasta from the cabinet and smiled to himself as he measured out the ingredients.

He remembered the first morning she had asked him if he could make her a box for breakfast early on in her pregnancy, and laughed lightly. She still hadn't kicked the craving, and still indulged each time he made it for her. It was simple but whatever made her happy..

"Hey you," she came from around the corner in a lavender silk robe tied around the top of her swell, and rode up along her long legs. Olivia hadn't been the least bit shocked when she seen he had packed this for her.

"Hey sleepyhead," she came over to where he stood at the kitchen island and buried her head into his back, wrapping her arms around his torso as he spread the slices of pepperoni around the dough.

"The flowers are beautiful. Thank you," she placed a kiss to the middle of his back.

"The first of many gifts to come," she loosed her grip on him so he could put the pizza in the oven.

"You're making me pizza and mac and cheese too?" she took a seat at one of the high chairs, hoping to take some relief off the pressure in her back.

"You know what they say..happy wife, happy life," he had been nonchalant about it as he washed his hands and dried them on the towel thrown over his shoulder.

"I like the sound of that," she blushed.

"How about that and Mason James?" he joined her as she sat at the island.

"I like that too," she leaned over to kiss the corner of his mouth, but Elliot decided he needed a little more and pulled her in to deepen the kiss. "Remember what I said about walking after this weekend?" she grinned against his mouth and chuckled.

"Since when did I ever follow the rules?" he kissed her again but only limited himself to one more before pulling away.

"I think Mason is making sure that rule is followed."

"How's that?"

"He's moved his feet right by ribs, which hurts like hell," she rubbed the spot where his foot poked, and winced when he kicked her hand.

"I'm sorry baby, is there anything I can do?" he stood and began to rub her shoulders.

"Keep that deal that you'll carry the next one?" she joked and reached for one of his hands to kiss the back of it. "I love you Elliot but hate you all at the same time for this," he laughed and only continued to rub her shoulders.

"How about you go rest until the food is ready and I'll bring it up to you? Lunch in bed," the corners of her mouth upturned and she kissed him before returning to bed without protest.

When night had fallen Elliot hadn't given sleep a second thought. The moment his head had hit the feathered pillow, he had fallen right asleep. Olivia on the other hand had been restless, in other words, the usual for her lately. Mason wasn't a very big baby. Her last sonogram had sized him up to a little over four pounds. Which is why Olivia couldn't understand why he had been taking so much out her, and making her so uncomfortable lately.

Tired of tossing and turning, she decided to get up pace a little downstairs. Hoping she could get him to ease up as he played what felt like a game of kickball inside her belly. She stood in front of one of the floor to ceiling windows that faced the beach, running her hands along her swell.

"I guess you don't want to follow the rules either huh? It's bed time," she cooed at her belly and took a seat on the end of the couch as the pain in her pelvic bone had come back. Olivia knew it was a sign that her body was preparing for birth, but she didn't expect it so soon. She knew the odds of her delivering soon were higher than normal, but it didn't keep the anxiousness of giving birth away. "I need you to stay at least one more month for me," he moved against her hands, and she smiled, seeing it as a sign of revolt. This kid already had a mind of his own.

"I think he's just excited to meet his mama," Elliot watched her from the end of the staircase and grinned. "He kickin' away in there?"

"Kicking..torturing, whichever," she shrugged and pushed herself up.

"Just six more weeks and this will all be over, and he'll be here."

"Probably sooner," his eyebrows knitted together. "He's dropping already."

"Oh wow."

"Yeah but, he's our little fighter. He'll come when he's good and ready. Everything will be fine," her words came out a lot stronger than she felt. Even though she was well into her third trimester, she wanted to keep him in there as long as possible.

"Well, until then how about I make you a cup of tea and we can watch a movie?" he wrapped his arms around her, and her body molded perfectly into his.

"I'd love that."

 **I'm sorry if this is too long or boring, but I'm trying to transition into the next part. Also I have a pretty insane idea for a sequel, which I'm too excited about (:I hope I can update soon once I'm done with summer finals this weekend. Thanks again for sticking with me xx.**


	26. first comes a baby?

**Sunday, March 23**

It was Sunday morning already, and where had the time gone? Olivia couldn't figure it out. It was their first time away from Cecilia for longer than a day, and she missed her terribly. But living beachside for the past few days, despite the rain had been pretty dreamy. She felt her heart swell greatly when she thought about if they ever came back here for a vacation. It would be her, Elliot, and the kids- all of them. Her mind dreamed intensely about next summer, the possibility of having their first family vacation here. Late nights spent barbecuing and roasting marshmallows, their afternoons spent on the beach while she sat in the shade keeping an eye on Mason as he played in the sand with his daddy. The shrieking laughter that roared deep from Cecilia as Eli played with her carefully. The girls working on their "perfect tan" for the summer. Dickie and the few friends he brought along playing a game of volleyball with a few girls they'd hope they could shoot their shot with.

 _Next summer,_ she said to herself.

"What's that?" Elliot looked up from the suitcase he had been loading with the few clothes he had left to pack.

"I was thinking maybe next summer we could bring the kids up here for a few days," she hadn't realized she'd said it loud enough for him to hear. "By the way, these looks ridiculous. I can't believe you packed these for me," she said. Referring to the dark washed overalls she had found in her luggage this morning, and the only clean thing she had left.

"I think you're forgetting that I found them in _your_ closet," he smiles and she can't help the laugh that escapes from her mouth.

"Touche," she gives him a break. "The sad part is that I bought these two weeks ago and they already barely fit," she pulls herself up from where she sat on the edge of bed to answer her phone that rings from the other side of the room. She see's it's a facetime call from Maureen and tries to smooth out her unkept sex hair from last night, which earns a chuckle from Elliot.

"Cecilia!" Olivia coos when her baby girl's face appears on the screen, a face that she swears has changed over the past weekend. "Are you having fun with Mo?" she babbles and smiles, revealing the four teeth that had grown in in the last few months. "I miss you!"

"Oh okay that's enough!" Maureen appears on the screen after taking the phone from Cecilia who had begun slobbering over the lens. "Hey Liv! I hope you and dad are having fun! When will you be back?"

"Hi honey, we'll be back late afternoon. You didn't burn the house down did you?"

"Give me a break! I can manage to put a pizza in the oven from time to time," she shifted Cecilia in her lap who continued to try and grab the phone with her chubby hands.

"Okay okay," Olivia held her hand up surrendering. "Thank you guys again for watching her, we'll see you soon! Cecilia, mommy and daddy love you!" Olivia blew a kiss, making the child erupt in laughter. A sound that she didn't know she had missed so much until she heard it. "Love you Mo, see ya later!" the call disconnects and she gathers the few things she had left out to get ready this morning, before meeting Elliot downstairs and starting the two hour trip back home.

 **Monday, March 24**

Suddenly those blissful days at the beach weren't long enough as the blaring sounds of their shared alarm goes off at the crack of dawn. Olivia barely budges, and that's only due to the shift when Elliot's side of the bed is no longer weighed down. Once she hears the shower running she knows she has at least another ten minutes before Elliot is finished, and comes to rub her head in an effort to wake her. She snuggles closer to the pillows she has precisely set up underneath her belly. Just as sleep has settled back in, she feels the familiar touch of his hands threading through her hair as his thumb runs along her temple. The smell of his body wash wavers through the room as her eyes open to find his icy blues staring back at her.

"Up for bustin' some perps today?" she knows he's trying his best to keep her in good spirits, and she offers him a small smile.

"I'm more on the brink of sleeping until this little guy comes," she croaks and snuggles closer to her mountain of pillows. Elliot smiles and continues to run his hand through her hair, knowingly lulling her back to sleep.

"I'll see you later. Love you," he kisses her forehead and in response she mumbles something unrecognizable as she falls back asleep. Quickly, he dresses himself for work before preparing breakfast for Cecilia before the sitter came. He leaves a note on the nightstand for Olivia, to call him when she wakes, and pulls the covers higher over her before heading to the precinct.

On his way to the precinct, Elliot had called Captain to let him know Olivia was sleeping in today. Cragen's tone was light and Elliot had sworn he'd heard him chuckle a bit when he told him Olivia wasn't budging this morning. The truth being it was still a shock to him that she was pregnant, and that he was- or at least _felt_ like he was gaining another grandchild. He'd reassured him it was perfectly okay, and stated she needed all the rest she could get. But it was when Cragen told him to come straight to his office if he could when he got there, that threw him into a nervous fit.

Of course his mind went wild, immediately thinking that he and Olivia were being separated. Much more than having new partners, but maybe, now that it was clear they were together for good, one of them would have to leave the 1-6.

When he stepped off the elevator, he took a deep breath and went to Cragen's office just as he was instructed.

"Mornin Captain," Elliot knocked before entering and went to take a set in one of the chairs.

"Morning Elliot. I won't keep you long," Cragen shut the file he had been looking over, and sat up in his office chair. "I'll cut right to the chase. I got an email over the weekend from the bureau regarding you and a job offer."

"A job offer?" Elliot rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward.

"Yup, they want _you_ to help train the rookies, the physical aspect of it all. Self defense, the shooting range, all the ins and outs. With your military background..It's time for you to be more than just a detective. And with seven kids, it's definitely time for a pay raise."

"Captain I don't know what to say.." Elliot wrenched his hands. His nervousness subsiding and transferring into worry.

He _was_ ready to move on in some aspects. The random calls in the middle of night about a new case, the missing kids, the justice system failing them more often these days..

But then there was Olivia, the familiarity of it all. The pay raise would definitely help. They could work on saving for a house, put away for the kids college funds. It would be a huge change, but one that would change everything for the better.

"How about, yes?"

"Let me just-"

"Talk to Olivia?" Cragen finished his sentence, grinning. Something he had been doing a lot more of these days.

"Yeah," Elliot blushed and scrubbed his hand down his face.

"I should tell you though this job _is_ in DC. You'd go a few times a month, maybe sometimes not at all for a while but you would still be paid. But you would get more than double your salary here, more time at home _with_ Olivia."

"Tell the bureau I said thank you for the offer and I'll think about it," he stood and exhaled a deep breath before exiting his office. Wondering how the hell he would break the news to Olivia.

"Everything okay?" Olivia studied Elliot's profile as he sat at the end of the sectional, rubbing her swollen feet. She had noticed how quiet he had been since they had gotten home a few hours ago. Olivia chalked it up to it just being a busy first day back, but knowing him it had been more than that.

"Yeah," his tone was somber, and he continued looking at the television. Olivia kept her eyes locked on him, and he could feel her gaze knowing that the gig was up. "No," he switched the television off and turned to look at her.

"Elliot, what's wrong.."

"I promise it's nothing bad," he let her know as soon as he seen the worry cross her face. "Cragen said the bureau has a job offer for me, it's in D.C," he went on to explain the details, relaying everything Cragen had told him this morning.

"Oh," was all she could spit out, running her hands over the swell of her stomach and tugging on her bottom lip.

" _Oh,_ doesn't sound too good," he placed her feet on the couch and went to kneel in front of her. "Liv, talk to me."

"I _am_ happy for you, I swear. It's just.." she paused. Trying her hardest to keep the tears welling in her eyes from escaping.

"I'll be leaving SVU?" his voice was soft as he rubbed along her forearm. He seen the immediate change in her. She was tense and her voice voice was shaky he was sure from her trying to keep a brave face for him.

"Yeah," her voice was quiet. She covered her face in her hands and couldn't help the sobs that took over. "I'm sorry honey. It's these damn hormones," she lied.

"I think it's a little bit more than that.." he pushed her. She let out a few deep breaths, trying to steady her breathing. She swung her legs around and Elliot was kneeled in front of her, his hands holding hers in her lap.

"I want you to take it. This is an _amazing_ opportunity, but I can't imagine you being gone every month for days and maybe sometimes weeks at a time. I'll be here alone with _two_ kids and working. I just can't do it all alone. I can't be-" she stopped herself before finishing her sentence.

"You can't be what?" she went back to biting on her lip. The last thing she wanted was to get into an argument and spoil his good news. But Olivia had to be rational about this.

"I can't be...I can't be, Kathy," her eyes lowered and the tears continued to spill over.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I can't let you leave me here by myself in the city with a baby and a toddler. Sure, you'll only be a train ride away but you won't physically be here, Elliot. You'll miss milestones, recitals, who knows what else. I can't let you repeat what you did to Kathy. I can't let that be my life," there was a pause that spoke volumes between the two. She could see the twitch of his lips, seeing how he was struggling with himself. What to say, what _not_ to say. Trying his best to not let his temper consume him before he could hear Olivia out.

"How could you say that? How could you even _think_ that?"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything and now you're mad at me. Just forget everything I said," she was rambling, regretting even saying anything. Before she could push herself off the sofa he gently pulled her back down.

"I'm not mad. I'm frustrated. The last thing I wanted to do was leave you feeling like this; alone," his thumbs rubbed the backs of her hands as they rested in his. "If we can't figure out a schedule- a way to make this right, then I won't take it," he placed a kissed her belly before standing and kissing her forehead.

"I ruined your wonderful news," the tears had finally stopped. "I am _so_ proud of you baby," she brought his face down to hers and cupped his cheeks. "We will figure this out. There's no way in hell I'm letting you give this up," she kissed him before pulling away to look into his cool blues. "We okay?"

"Are _you_ okay?"

"I will be."

Whether they found a proper schedule that worked for them both or not. Whether he was gone as much or more than anticipated. None of it truly mattered because no matter what happened once he accepted this job offer, they would no longer be at the 1-6 together. No more carpooling to work, stealing glances at one another while they worked through DD5's, sneaking off to lunch together. It hadn't been so difficult not having him as her partner. She'd only worked without him for a short time until she was on desk duty. But now she would be left without him completely.

 **Saturday, March 30**

They had all been quiet, well as much as they could have been that morning. The girls had all come over with their hands full of gift bags and a few party decorations in the hopes of throwing an impromptu baby shower for Olivia. She had protested weeks ago when they had suggested she let them put together one, and had backed off until Maureen suggested this: breakfast in bed with gifts in tow for the mother to be.

It was the closest to a baby shower as they would be able to get with Olivia's extremely stubborn attitude. They had cooked a little bit of everything with a little help from Elliot, and had made a small platter to bring to Olivia. Elizabeth had thoughtfully laid out the platter, a single flower and card on a tray while her sisters and Elliot followed behind with the presents.

"Olivia.." Elliot ran his hand over her shoulder and planted kisses to the back of her head that faced him, and gently coaxed her from her sleep. She groaned and turned her body over to face in his direction, blinking her eyes furiously when she noticed the girls were standing behind him.

"Surprise!" Kathleen yelped and smiled brightly.

"What is all this?" she hadn't moved from the cocoon of blankets she had been wrapped in.

"The baby shower you didn't ask for with a side of breakfast in bed!"

"Wow this is-" Olivia sat up in bed and instantly threw the covers back when she felt a dampness on the sheets underneath her.

"Olivia what is it?" Elliot followed her eyes and seen the the sheets had been soak between her legs.

"No no no no no," she pleaded with herself and honestly god himself. Praying that her bladder had betrayed her and it was urine and not..

"I think my water must have broken overnight," the bodies surrounding her suddenly became blurry, she was crying, almost hysterical when she looked down again. "It's too early. He's not supposed to be here until May!"

"Olivia, I want you to _try_ and stay calm okay? I'll call the doctor and let her know we're on our way. Girls, can you help Olivia get cleaned up?" he had done this before. Plenty of times but none of the kids had came early. He knew that 38 weeks was considered full term but Olivia was barely pushing 34. Elliot swallowed the lump in his throat and took a deep breath before going into the hallway to make the phone call.

"I'll grab Cecilia, you guys get her out of those leggings. And grab towels!" Elizabeth took charge and quickly padded her feet down the hall to grab the sleeping child from her crib.

"Liv, do you want sweats or leggings?" Kathleen dug through the drawers until she found Olivia's.

"Just grab something!" Maureen barked at her as she helped Olivia out of her leggings. She cried silently as her mind raced to deep dark places. Wondering just how much this moment would deeply affect their lives forever. If Mason coming early would make him sick or damage him in any way. She would love him either way, that was a given but she needed for him to just be _okay_.

"Olivia, baby," Elliot entered the room and kneeled next to her as she sat on the bed in only her underwear and the shirt the wore to bed. "Dr. Parilla is going to meet us there in 30 minutes. She told us not to worry and that she's going to do everything in her power to keep this baby boy in there, okay?" his voice was calming and gentle as his hand rested on her knee.

She nodded and broke down in tears again. Ultimately terrified.

Elliot looked over at Maureen and Kathleen who stood awkwardly, holding a pair of sweats and underwear in their hands. They took a hint and laid the clothes across the bed before going to check on Elizabeth.

"I can't do this. It's too soon!"

"You can and you will," he helped her stand and stripped her out of her underwear. "Dr. Parilla sounded more than confident over the phone. You're more than ready," he coaxed her in an attempt to calm her nerves while he helped clean her up as best he can and get her changed.

"So what do you say? Let's go have a baby?" he tugged a sweatshirt over her head and kissed the tip of her nose.

"Or not," she sniffled and cracked a small smile.

"Or not," he repeated and smiled small as he grabbed her hand and helped her downstairs for possibly the last time before Mason was here.

 **Urine or Amniotic fluid? LMAOO**

 **Thank you guys always for the reviews! Xx**


	27. Fair

Elliot had done exactly as had instructed and driven Olivia to the hospital. They had gotten her checked in and wheeled up to the sixth floor, where they had a suite ready for her. After getting changed into a gown and made comfortable, Olivia laid in bed as the doctor examined her.

"You lost too much fluid to protect the baby," she continued to probe around Olivia's swell. "We'll have to induce you today. I'm sorry Olivia," she placed a hand on her leg and squeezed.

"He's still so small..is he going to be okay?" Olivia said quietly as a few tears fell down her cheeks. Elliot sat next to her bed and laced his hand with hers, running his thumb along the back of it.

"I will be honest. His chance of survival is high, but there are still possibilities of some setbacks. We might have to keep him in the NICU for a little while depending on if he needs assistance in breathing, or latching on. We just won't know until he's here," Olivia nodded trying to soak in her words. "Don't worry Olivia. We've got an amazing team here to help you today, okay?" she switched the screen off from the sonogram, and took one last look at the telemetry papers monitoring their baby's heart. "I'm going to send Bianca in here to start the pitocin, and hopefully we can get some contractions going."

"Thanks doc," Elliot spoke up.

"Of course. You're gonna do great Olivia!" and with that she left the room.

"Olivia, are you doing okay?" she took a hold of his hand and squeezed onto it for dear life, inhaling and exhaling deep breaths. He rose to his feet immediately when he seen just how fast her own monitor has begun to speed up, realizing she was in the midst of a panic attack.

"Can you talk to me baby? Look at me," he was calm and held both of her hands in his, after calling for a nurse.

"I c-can't do this. I don't think I can ever do this," tears sprung from her eyes as her chest contracted, and both hers and the baby's rates rushed up. "A-Alex thought she could and she..this is how she _died_ I-I can't!" she shook her head as the panic set deeper inside of her. Two nurses and the doctor rushed back in to assess the situation, overlooking her stats quickly.

"Olivia can you focus on breathing through your nose for me?" the nurse placed an oxygen mask over Olivia's face, breathing along with her. "That's good honey. Just like that," she breathed still holding onto Elliot's hands, looking into his eyes as the tears continued to fall from hers.

"I'm s-sorry!" she cried through the mask.

"You didn't do anything wrong," offered her a small smile and took another look at the baby's stats. "He got a little distressed there, but everything is okay," she came to Olivia's side and took a hold of her hand. The doctor was aware Olivia's anxiety was a lot more than just the aspect of delivering. "Keep breathing and I'll be back to check on you okay?" she patted the back of her hand and spoke to the nurses briefly before leaving.

"We'll start the pitocin drip now if you're okay?" Bianca, the nurse suggested. Olivia nodded and closed her eyes while she searched for a good vein to start the IV. Elliot stood next to her bed and ran his hand over her head, and holding onto her free hand. "You did great. It'll take a while for the drugs to kick in. We'll be back to check on your progress every 30 minutes to an hour, but please please call us if you need anything."

"I love you," she lifted the mask from her face, letting it fall in her lap.

"I love you too baby," Elliot kissed her forehead and sat on the side of the bed. "Let's keep this on for a little-"

"If something happens to me-" she gripped his forearm, her hand shaking just the slightest.

"It _won't._ "

"You don't _know_ that," her voice was weak, pleading with him to listen. "If something goes wrong today..save the baby. Save Mason," her hand flew to her swell. "Elliot you have to promise me you'll do that for me," a million thoughts swirled in her mind. This was supposed to be a lifechanging moment, but the only thing she could think about was that horrible day almost a year ago. Alex's death was sudden, unexpected, and unfortunately quick. Olivia knew that anything could go wrong today, and she need him to know.

"Olivia, please," he placed the oxygen back to her face and ran his hand along her stomach, without bothering the monitors attached to it. There was no way in hell he could answer that, let alone promise that. The thought of losing her made his heart ache. He understood her fear today. She had practically watched Alex die last year on what should have been the happiest day of her life. But he couldn't..

"You're going to do amazing today," he continued speaking sweet nothings as she breathed and calmed herself. Thankfully falling asleep as he rubbed her head.

10 perfect little toes. 10 perfect little fingers. And a cry so small but still strong, that brought tears to her eyes.

She had seen him for what felt like the world's longest minute before they whisked her baby boy to the NICU for further observation.

But he was here. Alive _and_ breathing.

An intense but thankfully quick 10 hours of labor, and Olivia had delivered, Mason James Stabler, late that night.

And now she laid in bed, counting down the seconds until she could see him again. Her body sore, swollen, and overall exhausted from the labor she just endured. And she couldn't help the ache that followed, knowing she couldn't hold the miracle she had just delivered. Mason had been _so_ tiny, and she couldn't shake the image out of her head. She remembers her doctor telling her and Elliot to look over as the last few pushes brought him into the world. She remembers the exact moment he had been laid across her chest. The moment of calm that washed over once she had been hit with the realization that he was here. That she had did it and survived.

And then he was gently taken from her arms and two floors above her to the NICU.

She had told Elliot to go be with him- _their son._

Now she was in her room alone, staring out the large window that overlooked the streets of New York and she couldn't stop the sobs that escaped from her. It was hard for Olivia to pinpoint her exact reasons for crying. She knew this was normal after birth but she just wish her body could pick one reason why, instead of every feeling hitting her at once.

She cried for her baby boy. She cried for herself. And for Alex.

Here she was, a year later in the same hospital, recovering from just giving birth to her own baby. While also receiving encouraging messages from the girls who were at home with Cecilia, Alex's baby girl. The baby Alex had worked so hard for and never gotten a chance to meet. She never got the chance to hold her. She would never know the sweet sound of her laugh, her scent, the way her blonde curls toppled her head.

She cried and she cried wanting to know how in the hell was it fair that _she_ got to live and Alex didn't. Olivia wanted kids, she wanted a family, but this had all kind of been fate working in her favor. Alex had been trying for _years,_ and this was how the earth repaid her?

Olivia had learned long ago not the question the _what ifs_. That sometimes things truly do happen for a reason. And she hated that she had no choice but to just accept that.

"He's perfect," Elliot entered the private suite with a vase full of vibrant indigo cornflowers, grinning so widely she was sure he hadn't stopped smiling since Mason had been born. "A little small but baby he's _perfect_!" he busied himself with placing the flowers on the small counterspace before turning around and seeing the flood of tears on Olivia's face. "What's wrong? I promise you he's gonna be fine!" he rushed to her side and began to comfort as best he could without putting her in any discomfort.

"I'm okay I swear. I'm just a little well- a little everything right now that's all," she sniffled and nodded when he handed her a few kleenex. He didn't push. He knew her emotions were bound to spiral out of control for a while. "I'm so grateful he's okay. What did they say about his health? Did they say when I can come up?"

"His breathing is great. They said it's almost like your body knew already he was going to come early, and supplied him with all the nutrients he needed. He is a little underweight, they want to get him at least to five pounds before we take him home. Which shouldn't take long, he's already a little over 4 ½," his eyes were glossy as he spoke, trying to stop crying himself. "They want you to rest for a little bit before we take you up," he reached for her hand and laced his fingers with hers. Her hair was still a little damp from sweat and her eyes were swollen from all the crying she had done, and all he wanted to do was hold her and tell her everything would be okay.

"That's great honey. That's just-" her voice strained. "Goddammit!" she cursed herself for beginning to cry all over again. "I don't want to feel whatever this is anymore, I just want to hold him already."

"Soon baby, soon." he placed light kisses to her temple and her forehead. "The sooner you rest, the sooner these nurses will stop hounding you too, and I can bust you out of here," the corners of his mouth upturned the slightest, and she was thankful for the small comedic relief.

"You are absolutely sure he's okay?" he nods. "I will rest if you go sit with him. He needs his daddy. I don't want him to be alone," she leaned her head up just a bit to kiss him sweetly before he pulled her blankets up and shut out every light.

"Are you sure this is okay for him? I mean to be out of the incubator?" Olivia sat in the glider placed next to Mason's incubator as she held him to her bare chest, doing a session of skin to skin.

"Skin to skin with his mama is one of the best things for him right now," the nurse reassured Olivia.

"You're right, he _is_ perfect," Olivia cried as she held the sleeping baby to her chest, showering him with kisses to the top of his head. "But of course mommy knew that already. I did I did," she whispered to him.

"Can you believe we made that little human?" Elliot stood over her and watched contently.

"He was just kicking around inside of me and now I'm holding him!" she grinned and pulled his hat a little further over his ears. "Sweet angel, I can't wait to bring you home."

He was right here in her arms, squirming just the slightest on her chest while he found comfort in the sound of his mother's heartbeat. The same sound that had become a lullaby to him over the last 34 weeks. She rocked him gently for over an hour until she too, had grown tired and figured it was best for her and Mason to turn in for the night.

They both had a hell of a fight ahead of them.

 **Thank you thank you alwaysssss xx.**


	28. Full Circle

**Hello, I have risen from the dead.**

 **Monday, April**

Two entire days had passed since the birth of Mason, and Olivia had been set to be discharged from the hospital late on Monday afternoon. She had been anxious all morning since the doctor delivered the news, and found herself on the brink of tears every time she thought about leaving.

Olivia would be going home today without her baby boy nestled in her arms, and the image alone churned her stomach. She had gone up to spend a few hours with him this morning after managing to pump a few ounces of breast milk for him, and was happy to see he was looking healthier already. The nurses had informed her that her nursing would help him gain weight a little bit faster. She was only able to pump a little bit at a time for now, but Doctor Parilla had informed her with a few supplements her supply would come in a lot more. And that had given Olivia piece of mind. That in some way she could help him get stronger so that he could come home sooner.

"Oh my god! Baby look at you!" Olivia had barely made it to the foyer before she seen the blonde curls of her baby girl coming from the hallway to the living room. Cecilia was walking!

Although she was still a bit unsteady she was running as best she could towards her mama.

"I leave for a few days and you've grown up on us. My big girl," before she could even bend to scoop her up Elliot had lifted her into his arms.

"No lifting. Remember?" she groaned and rolled her eyes knowing he was right.

"Baby love," she cooed as she snuggled her face against Cecilia's as she hung onto Elliot's hip. The familiar scent of her baby girl filled her nostrils, making her realize just how much she missed her.

"Ma ma," Cecilia tangled her chubby hands into the waves of her mother's hair, just as happy to see her.

"I can't believe you're walking. We were only gone a few days!" Olivia ran her hand through her blonde curls, as she covered her cheeks with kisses.

"We we're going to tell you guys the good news, but we figured a surprise would be better. She just kind of took off yesterday!" Maureen shuffled her way down the hallway, rushing to hug them both.

"I can't believe we missed it," Olivia's voice had gone soft. She stroked the side of Cecilia's cheek with the pad of her thumb as her eyes began to well. _No no no,_ she urged herself to stop but she couldn't. She understood her hormones would be out of whack for awhile, but not even 5 mins after being home she was crying.

"Oh Liv please don't cry!" Maureen went back in for another hug, and wiped the tears from Olivia's face when she pulled back.

"I'm sorry!"

"Hey, what did we say about apologizing? It's okay," Elliot offered her a small smile and placed a kiss to her temple. It would be like this for a while.

"I just don't know why I feel like a terrible mom. I missed such a milestone!" against everyone's wishes she tugged Cecilia from Elliot's arms, and snuggled her close. The pain had felt like hell, but she _needed_ this for just a moment.

"You shouldn't honey," Elliot's hand rested on Cecilias back as she laid across her shoulder. "We may have missed this but we were still there for those very first steps. And we have so many more milestones to go."

"How am I going to do this with two kids?" she handed her back to Elliot, already a little worn out.

"We will be fine. I promise you."

"And Cecilia and Mason have 5 other siblings here to help out," Maureen added. Olivia smiled at that suddenly hit with the realization that it _really_ wasn't just her on her own anymore. That she had a family now.

"Seriously don't know how I would do it without any of you," she used the sleeve of her cardigan to wipe away the few remnants of tears. "Enough crying...how about I make us some lunch?"

"Jesus, you just had a baby Liv. Let me make you guys something!"

"When I say make, I mean make a call to Julios and order us takeout," she smirked and wrapped an arm around Mauren as they all walked into the hallway that led to the living room.

 **Thursday, April 4**

Olivia stood behind the counter of the breakfast bar cutting more fruit to replace the empty trays on the table full of hors d'oeuvres. Her mind is racing endlessly, wondering how a year had passed already. And now that Cecilia was officially hers and Elliot's, if everything that had happened today was real.

She watches as Cecilia teeters on her still wobbly feet from person to person, receiving an abundance of love from each person in the room. Her blonde curls are pinned out of her face by the lavender headband that adorns a bright matching bow at the top. The lavender dress that goes perfectly with the accessory is stained already from the spaghetti she had earlier, but Olivia doesn't mind. It's a special day.

A shriek fills the room when she's tossed in the air by Nick and her front teeth are on full display. It's a sound that pulls on Olivia's heartstrings. One that she wishes she could hear everyday.

There's a deep grief that follows soon after. A grief that wishes Alex was here to witness all of this. To see her baby girl growing up and notice the little pieces of her that she's developed. Olivia knows her love for Cecilia would be no different and no less than it is in this very moment if Alex were still here.

"Liv! Come take a picture with us!" her reverie is interrupted when Elizabeth calls her name from the living room to join her and the girls for a picture in front of the fire place. She dries her hands off and brushes her bangs out of her face, before joining them.

Cecilia rushed over the moment she seen her mother, demanding to be held by her. Thankfully, Kathleen lifts her and stands close enough to Olivia to satisfy her, aware that lifting a small child wasn't possible still. They pose as Elliot snaps photos, a few candids and plenty of smiling ones that Olivia already can't wait to print off and frame.

"Now how about some cake?" Olivia says happily more to Cecilia than anyone else in the room.

"Caaay!" Cecilia declares and throws her hands in the air. Earning a laugh from everyone, she laughs along too.

 **Monday, April 8**

Olivia stands over the all white crib that Cecilia has slept in for an entire year, watching her as she sleeps. She's clutching the same lavender blanket she's slept with since her first night with Olivia, with her knees tucked right beneath her. Olivia runs her hand along her back just light enough to keep her from waking, soaking in the last few moments before she does.

It's her first birthday.

And the first anniversary of Alex's death.

She wonders if this day will ever get easier for her. How she will explain to her daughter once she's older, the tragedy associated with her birth date. How her mother literally gave her life so that Cecilia could have hers. It's a crushing truth that she's avoided for the better part of the last year. But one that she knows she will have to accept as time goes on.

"Good morning," the feel of Elliot's 2 day old stubble rubs against her cheek as he wraps his arms around her waist. The warmth of his body centers her and fills her body with relief.

"Mmm," she mumbles as she turns in his arms to kiss him good morning.

"It's April eighth," his voice croaks with sleep still evident.

"I know. Our baby girl is a year old," she wraps her arms around his neck before burying her face in the cotton of the t shirt he wore.

"Yes, and today will be a good day," she knew exactly what he meant by that. He could read her without giving it much thought at all. "I swear it was just yesterday that I was putting this crib together.."

"You think we would still be together even if.."

"Yeah, I do. I _know._ There was no way in hell I was letting you go again-"

"Ma ma," Cecilia's head popped over the railing of the crib, as her chubby hands pull her up.

"Oh, good morning my love!" Olivia broke free from Elliot's hold, and bends the slightest to cover Cecilia's face in kisses. "It's your birthday today! We love you so much," Cecilia babbles happily in response, taking her mother's cheeks between her hands.

"Let's get some birthday pancakes in this tummy!" Elliot scoops her into his arms and tosses her in the air a few times, eliciting laughter from her.

It was just past 6 in the evening as the sun began to set over the city. It's an almost perfect spring day as Olivia pulls up to the one place she's been anxious about all day. After going to the hospital to pump for Mason, she decided to make a pit stop before joining her family for dinner.

She's thankful for the sweater she wore today as she steps outside and the chill of the evening approaches. Her feet hit the gravel and eventually make it to where her best friend resides. She kneels as she places a beautiful bouquet of flowers near the grave stone.

She's debated for weeks, but she knows this is something she needed to do on her own. It hits her harder than ever when she reads the name etched across, as her face becomes soaked with tears. Olivia fears it's all too much as the burning in her chest reaches the back of her throat, but she forces herself to stay. She needs to do this if she ever plans to move forward.

"I haven't been here since…" her throat tightens as her words fall from her lips. "It's just been so hard without you here- _everything's_ been harder without you here. Everyday I look at Cecilia, and I see you in her more and more each time. The way she laughs and smiles, and that blonde hair..she's exactly like you," she pauses a beat and uses the sleeve of her sweater to wipe away a few stray tears.

"I promise I will try with everything in my being to be the best mom to Cecilia," Olivia stands and brushes the few pieces of grass from her jeans. "I love you Alex."

 **Saturday, April 20**

Three long weeks had gone by since the birth of Mason, and every single day Olivia and Elliot had made sure to visit at least twice a day, making sure to kiss him goodnight. Each time it had gotten harder to say good night, knowing they wouldn't be taking their baby boy home. But today would be different. Today that kiss goodnight would be in the comfort of their own home.

"He's done so well over the past week.. I think it's time for him to come home with his mom and dad," the doctor spoke as she went over Mason's charts that morning. Olivia had waited what felt like forever for those words, and in this moment she couldn't believe it.

"And you're sure it's safe for him to come home?" Olivia rocked gently in the chair as she held Mason.

"His breathing is good and so is his weight. Mason's eating more than enough..it's time to take him home!" she cheered revealing her perfectly straight teeth.

"Oh my god.." Olivia sighed deeply, feeling the weight of the past three weeks fall from her shoulders.

"I'll get your discharge papers started and try to get you guys out of here by this afternoon. Congrats little guy!" she ran her thumb quickly along his small foot before exiting.

"Did you hear that Mason? You get to come home today," Olivia cried tears of joy when she looked down at him, already half asleep in her arms.

"I really can't believe we get to bring our boy home today," Elliot moved over to where Olivia sat, leaning over her as he kissed the top of Mason's forehead. His eyes moisten with tears once he was hit with the realization. He'd had five healthy kids, even despite Eli's unnerving delivery, he was still able to come home with them once Kathy was released from the hospital. But of course with Mason everything had been so different.

He remembers so clearly how small Mason was the very moment he had seen him for the first time. How he could feel his heart drop to his feet when they rushed him to the NICU. Elliot had to be strong for the both of them that night, and now he could finally let go of that breath he had been holding.

 **A lot to catch up on, sorry I've been away for so long. I took a break from writing but I think I'm ready to start back! Only a few more chapters left, and then I think I'm going to focus on "Dear Mom" for a while before I write a sequel to this. Thanks for sticking with me xx.**


	29. Masons Home

**Oh boy…hope you're not lactose intolerant because this chapter gets pretty cheesy.**

 **Saturday, April 20**

They'd made it home safely after getting discharged from the hospital. Olivia couldn't help but feel even more nervous than she had been the first night Cecilia had come home.

It's nearing 10 in the evening as Olivia finally got Cecilia down for bed after spending their night surrounded by family and great food. It had been a little tougher than usual, but she figured it was because Cecilia could feel there was a change happening. She knew the concept of a little brother wouldn't quite stick yet, but her clinginess tonight was warning enough that Cecilia felt a shift.

After double checking the locks and peeking in on Cecilia once again, Olivia turned in for the night. She'd made it back to the bedroom where Elliot had been with Mason, and found herself grinning from ear to ear when she walked in on them. Elliot had been asleep in bed already, with Mason swaddled into a blanket and tucked into his side. All the months of worrying about having another baby and so soon, had come down to this very moment. This was what she needed to see that they would be just fine.

She laughed lightly as she snapped a quick picture, making a mental note to add it to Mason's baby book. Olivia gently scooped up Mason and laid him in what used to be Cecilia's bassinet. She sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over him, just watching him sleep. A feeling of euphoria washed over her as she watched each little breath he took. Her index finger traced lightly over the features of his face. She took in each part of him that was a little piece of her and Elliot.

"I love you. I love you. I love you," she whispered to him over and over as she placed a kiss to the top of his nose.

Olivia reached over and turned out the side lamp before climbing into bed, and rolling over until her head rested on the span of Elliot's chest. Instinctively, he pulled her closer until her leg crossed over his body. He kissed the top of her head and sighed contently before going back to sleep.

 **Tuesday, April 28**

"Elliot!" Olivia chided when he came into the bathroom after she finished showering.

"It's not as if I haven't seen you naked before," he laughed as he came up behind her, and brought his hands to where hers held together her robe.

"Yes but that was before I pushed out a baby 4 weeks ago. My stomach is mush now," she pushed his hands away and went into the adjoining closet.

"Liv.." he followed closely behind her.

"Please Elliot just let it go," she shuffled through her dresser drawers.

"No way. Would you just look at me for a second?" he tugged on her arm and turned her towards him.

"What Elliot? What?" the irritation in her voice hadn't gone unheard.

"Do you really think I care what your body looks like?"

"I think it won't ever be the same, and since the first day you met me I've always been... _skinny_ ," her nose wrinkled at the last part. "And now- I doubt my body will ever be remotely close to what it used to be…" she stood with her clothes in one hand while the other tugged on her robe.

"Olivia, you know that never mattered to me. When I found myself falling for you it wasn't because of this. It was because of this," he tapped his finger on her chest where her heart was. "This new _amazing_ body gave me one of the best things in this world. _You_ carried our son for eight long months. I love _every_ new curve," he stepped closer and cupped both sides of her face. "And I love you," he kissed her sweetly. "Please don't forget that," a smile broke across her face.

"I love you too but.." she pulled away and started towards the bedroom. "I don't think you'll be seeing any of this any time soon. I just need time," she tossed her clothes on the bed.

"Just don't shut me out, okay?"

"Okay," she reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. "You promise you'll love me even if this baby weight never falls off?"

"Don't be ridiculous," he pulled her back into his arms and wrapped himself around her, resting his chin on top of her head as she snuggled into him. "I will love you after the next baby, and the next one, and the next one-"

"Ha! That's _very_ funny! No more babies for awhile Stabler. I can only handle so many mini versions of you running around here," she grinned as she looked up at him.

"The first five I will take credit for, but Mas is all you," she shook her head as she laughed lightly at him. Elliot stole one more kiss before letting her go. "You promise you'll be okay today?" he asked. Today he'd be meeting with the Bureau to work out the details of his new position.

"Yes but if things get too crazy I'll call Mo. You worry too much," she went over to the bassinet and carefully lifted Mason into her arms. "Say we'll be okay daddy," she lifted his hand that wrapped around her index finger and waved at Elliot.

"I will see you later tonight," he kissed her and leaned to kiss Mason's head. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"I was talking to the baby," the corner of his mouth lifted and she smacked his shoulder with her free hand.

"Get out of here!" she laughed and shooed him away.

Elliot had spent the last 2 hours discussing the details of the new position he would be taking in D.C. It was a big change for not only him but his family too. He'd been thankful that his schedule and pay worked out just enough to not leave Olivia disappointed.

This was finally it.

They could start saving for a house, he could cover more of the expenses for the kids college fees, it would be the start of a new chapter for them.

On the drive back home from the precinct it dawned on Elliot that he and Olivia had let an entire year slip by, and they hadn't even celebrated their anniversary. He stopped by her favorite restaurant to pick up some food, and grabbed her favorite dessert from the bakery down the street. He planned to surprise her tonight when he got home, and he couldn't wait. Within this past year he felt like he had learned a new part of himself. A part that was more gentle. More patient. And most of all more open to allow Olivia in his heart.

Kathy was his first love, and he would always be grateful for the time they had together. But apart of them both had died towards the end of their marriage.

And then Olivia had came and lit a new spark in his life.

He pulled into their designated parking spot in front of the townhouse, and rushed to get into the house and see his family.

The house had been especially quiet which was unusual since it was only going on 7 o'clock. He checked the living room and kitchen before going upstairs and finding Olivia and the kids asleep in bed. Cecilia had been asleep in his spot, Mason was atop Olivia's chest with his head on her shoulder, and Olivia had been sitting up against the headboard. He could see just how beat she had been from the few hours alone with the kids.

He took Mason from her and bounced him gently as he walked to the window in their room that looked over the city.

"You're still so tiny bud," he cradled his head in one hand, and held his bum in the other. "A few more months of that go go juice your mommy's pumping up, and you'll be big and strong-"

"Did you just call my breastmilk 'go go juice'?" Olivia looked over with one eye open.

"I mean it kind of is. This kid loves to get milk drunk," he moved over to Olivia and sat on the edge of the bed where she was. "Did you get in a good nap?"

"I think we all did," she looked over at Cecilia who was still asleep and ran a hand through her hair. "How did the meeting go?"

"You're looking at the new reserve recruit officer trainer for the bureau," his smile reached his eyes as he spoke those words.

"Oh honey, I'm so happy for you!" she scooted closer to him to reach his lips.

"Thank you baby," he moved the baby to the crook of arm and used his free one to cup the side of her cheek. "This is gonna be amazing for us," he pulled her closer and kissed her again, more passionately.

"How soon will you be starting?" she pulled away and ran her hand along his back.

"They're giving me two more weeks to spend time with the baby, and then I'll be spending a week in D.C learning and training myself before I even start training the others," her smile reflected his, and he could see that she was genuinely coming around. "For now I'll have to go there a lot more of course. But after a few months I'll hopefully only go every other week for a few days," he reached and tucked a tendril of hair behind her ear. "How is that sounding to you?"

"It sounds perfect. I'm happy for you El. We need to celebrate and invite the kids over."

"That sounds great but for now…" he rose and put a still sleeping Mason back in his bassinet, and turned on the monitor before putting the other in his back pocket. "We have something else special to celebrate," he held his hand out to her.

"What's going on?" she cautiously grabbed it and followed him downstairs. He guided her to the dining room and sat her at the head of the table. Quickly, he disappeared into the kitchen to plate the food he picked up, and pour her a glass of sparkling grape juice since wine was out of the question for now.

"Elliot what is all this?" she asked when he sat the plate of food in front of her.

"Can you believe we let a whole year pass without celebrating our anniversary?" he sat closely on her right and grabbed ahold of her hand.

"God, we really did. When is our anniversary exactly?" everything around that time had molded together. She couldn't rack her brain around any date that seemed fitting.

"You know I couldn't really think of the right date either, but the beginning of April is just a good a time as ever to celebrate," he grabbed her hand that rested on the table, and brought it to his lips. "Thank you for the past year. For letting me into yours and Cecelia's lives, and loving my kids like your own. And most of all for our baby boy this year," she bit on her lower lip as he spoke, trying her best to withstand from crying. A few tears escaped and she quickly flicked them away. She never doubted he loved her, but a vulnerable Elliot wasn't too common with them.

"Thank you for loving me endlessly no matter how many times I tried to run. If it weren't for you I wouldn't even have this life," her face had been soaked with tears at this point. "Here's to many more anniversaries to come," she held her glass up and Elliot met her with his.

"I love you Olivia."

"I love you too," she leaned over and tapped her index finger to her lips. He leaned in and kissed her softly, biting lightly on her bottom lip. His fingers tangled into the root of her hair at the nape of her neck as he pulled her closer to her. When his other hand slid up her thigh she placed hers on top of his. "Ah ah," she scolded him when she pulled away and placed both his hands in his lap. "Nothing of the sorts for awhile," she grinned and took a sip from her drink.

"They say having a newborn is hard work, but not being to touch your wife for months is harder."

"You're so dramatic!" she scoffed and rolled her eyes at him. "You waited almost an entire month before you kissed me. Another few weeks won't kill you," she winked at him before taking a bite of the pasta he had brought home for her. Before he could reply a cry came through the monitor.

"I'll get him," Elliot said before getting up and heading upstairs.

Olivia reached in the pocket of the sweats she wore for her phone and checked a few messages she had gotten while napping. There were a few messages from the squad checking in, and some from the girls asking when they could see their baby brother again. She smiled and sent a few replies when Elliot came back with a whimpering Mason still swaddled in his blanket, and Cecilia holding his hand.

"I'm thinking I lack some of the supplies," Elliot handed Mason over.

"Oh baby love are you hungry?" she spoke softly as she unraveled his blanket. His cries quieted when he heard her speak.

"Ma ma.." Cecilia came over to where Olivia sat and laid her head on her knees.

"Hi baby!" Olivia leaned over before she began to nurse and kissed the top of her head. "So much for celebrating. Looks like we've got two little intruders."

"Yeah we do but there's nowhere else I'd rather be."

 **Told ya it would be cheesy. Thank you for the reviews last chapter xx**


	30. Olivia's Safety

**All I can say is I'm sorry...kind of.**

 **Tuesday, October 17**

She's waited all weekend for this. Counting the days, hours, and minutes until her love arrives home again. Now as she stands in the mirror looking at a totally new reflection, she can't wait for him to walk through that door any moment now.

6 months of adjusting to two little ones at home, Elliot working out of town, and Olivia working at the 1-6 without him. The toll of this all had left them both missing all the time they used to have with each other, and tonight Olivia planned on making up for that lost time.

After dropping off the kids with Maureen earlier this afternoon, Olivia had gone for a girls day with Casey. They went for mani/pedis and blowouts at the salon, and had even decided to change up her look to surprise Elliot. And now as she made last adjustments in the mirror, she couldn't wait any longer to see him.

She had almost been back to her pre baby weight and felt the best she had in years. A few more curves hugged at her waist and her breasts had grown nearly double in size- a feature that Elliot seemed to appreciate. Olivia wore a similar matching lace black underwear and bra with a short silk robe that she wore that first night they were together. It had been months since they had been this intimate. It wasn't a secret that she had been struggling with her confidence since having Mason, but now she was more than ready to share every part of herself with Elliot.

She heard the door downstairs shut and felt a warm tingle in the lower part of her belly. Olivia had made her way down the stairs and stopped mid way when she seen Elliot standing in the foyer. He was dressed in grey sweats and a black hoodie and looking more toned than ever. His shoulders were bolder and the stubble growing on his face had been a nice addition since she had seen him the week before. No matter how many times he left she still missed him terribly, and every time she seen him walk through that door her heart still fluttered the same as the day she realized she was in love with him.

"Liv, you look amazing and sexy and jesus so damn beautiful," he grabbed her hand when she got closer to him, and pulled her towards him. He wrapped his arms around her and inhaled deeply as her scent filled his nostrils. Elliot pulled back and cupped the sides of her face before running his hands through her hair- it was the first thing he noticed. Her muddy brown locks were now the darkest shade of brown, almost black. The same color it had been when he seen her for the very first time almost twenty years ago. Except now it had grown all the way down her back into dark waves.

"And your hair.. I love it!" she blushed and pulled him in for a kiss. "You look exactly the same as you did when I first saw you."

"Elliot.." she looked away.

"It's true," he pulled her chin gently so that she would look at him. "Are you sure you're all mine?" his hands travelled to her waist and hugged her close.

"Never been more sure of anything," she wrapped each arm around his neck as she looked up at him. "I made dinner. I was hoping we could get through that if you tame yourself," she smirked up at him as she bit her lower lip.

"Normally I don't mind following the rules but tonight I don't think that's going to be possible," before she could protest he lifted her over his shoulder and headed for the stairs.

"Elliot!" she screamed and laughed all at the same time. Happy that it was Elliot who was the cause of it. "Put me down!" she reached down with her two hands and slapped his butt, which she did knowingly.

"Shhh," he slapped her back which made her squeals bounce off the hallway. Once he made it to their bedroom, Elliot gently placed her back on the bed. Olivia settled into the bed and placed her hands behind her head, watching the show in front of her. He went for the bottom of his hoodie and pulled it over his head, along with the shirt he wore under it, followed by his sweats and briefs. His feet glided over to where she laid, and placed his knee between her legs as he began trailing kisses on her body. Olivia's skin had been a satin dream, soft to the touch.

Anxious to have Elliot home, Olivia was quick to grab the reins and straddle him. He moved his hands to her hips and caressed over the silk of the robe she wore. Her hands moved to cup his face as she kissed him devotedly, dipping her tongue into his mouth trying to feed her hunger for him. She could feel his arousement growing beneath her, where the only thing between them was a scrap of lace.

Olivia pulled away and moved lower down his body until she straddled his upper legs. She tucked her hair behind her ears before taking him in her hand, and bringing her lips to the tip of his shaft. Her tongue swirled the tip as her hands stroked his erect length.

"Fuuuuck," the words drag from his lips when he feels her mouth move over him. She's relentless and greedy as she takes him as deep as she can handle, her mouth salivates at the taste of him finally after waiting so long.

His hands grip her hair instantaneously when she continues her pattern of stroking him as her mouth goes to work. He feels himself jerking forward, as his orgasm approaches. When he tries to pull away she slaps his hand, and continues.

He's trying his best to hold on and this Olivia knows. "Mmm," he groans as his release fills her mouth and she swallows him completely. She uses her finger to wipe the come from the corner of her mouth, and sucks it slowly as he watches.

She's pure sex as her body glistens and her hair is dampened near her hair line. Olivia sits up and removes the silk robe she still wore, before reaching behind her and unclamping her bra. Elliot watches her intently, running his hands along her hips and up her torso until he holds the weight of her breasts in his hands.

"Who are you and where did my Olivia go?" he brought his hands back down to her waist and looked up at her with a shit eating grin on his face.

"That good?" she smirked and leaned down with both her forearms on either side of his face. Her long strands of dark hair framed his face and the scent of her shampoo washed over him. She nipped his bottom lip and pulled on his before taking it into her mouth and kissing him passionately.

"I need to leave more often," he mumbled when she pulled away.

"No way. I miss you like crazy when you're gone."

"I can tell," she slapped his shoulder. "Ow!"

"Don't get cocky!"

"Speaking of…" he switched positions on her quickly, causing a yell to erupt from her. Elliot kneeled between her legs stroking his already hardened length. Olivia pulled on her lace underwear, managing to kick them off with his help. His hand ran over her glistening core before aligning himself with her entrance. She writhed in anticipation before her breath had been taken away at the feel of every inch of him entering inside of her.

"Now," she signaled for him to move and he complied, hooking her knee over his shoulder as his hips thrusted into her. He could feel her tighten around him, her body reacting to his touch. "Almost there baby," she moaned and bit into his shoulder as his speed picked up. His hands moved from her hips and held her breasts. He kneaded as he worked her core, sending her to the edge. She came around him and he followed closely, spilling every last drop into her.

The familiar warmth of him spread through her and tears fells from her eyes from the force of her orgasm. Elliot kissed them away before crashing his lips onto hers. He pulled away and brushed her tousled hair out of her face before kissing her one more time. Her lips were swollen and her face was blushed and glistening with sweat. He stared at her for a moments time, still connected to her, watching his entire world reflect back at him through her eyes.

Something was different between them tonight- more like a confirmation. As if he needed anything else to confirm his love for Olivia.

He pulled away carefully and moved next to her, pulling the back of her body towards him. He placed feather light kisses to her shoulder before pulling the covers up, and letting sleep conclude their night.

 **Thursday, October 19**

"Cecilia do you want some oatmeal?" Olivia asked.

"No!" the small child whined from her high chair Olivia had put in the kitchen.

"How about cereal?" she looked over her shoulder as she dug in the cabinet.

"No! No! No!" Cecilia's head flew back as she cried. _No_ had become her favorite new word and the tantrums...well Olivia couldn't explain that one.

"Cecila, are you giving mama a hard time?" Elliot entered into the kitchen with Mason in one arm.

"Of course she is," Olivia grabbed Mason who was still in his grey and red striped pajamas. He grinned a mouth full of gums when he seen her, and laid his head on her shoulder as soon as she held him. "Good morning," she greeted Elliot with a kiss.

"Mornin'," he popped the pacifier he had around his finger into Mason's mouth and went over to Cecilia. "How about some breakfast, champ?"

"No!" Olivia sighed from her side of the kitchen and shook her head.

"Oh come on Cece," Elliot lifted her and tossed her into the air, making her giggle heavily. "There's my girl," he sat her on the counter.

"Oh wow, I better get going or I'm going to be late," Olivia put Mason in his high chair that was next to Cecilia's. "Are we still on for lunch?"

"Yup. I'll meet you at the precinct," he pulled her over for a kiss goodbye and handed her her mug of coffee before she ran out the door.

It had to have been one of the roughest mornings since Olivia came back to work, and these were the moments she found herself missing Elliot the most. They had had back to back cases flying into the precinct all morning. The bullpen was full of suspects screaming, victims crying, and Olivia had found herself on the brink of losing it. Elliot was normally there to keep her grounded and take on the tougher cases that came through, and now she it was up to her to deal with them.

She took a look at her watch, counting down the seconds until lunch. She would get to spend a few moments with Elliot, and hopefully feel somehow grounded afterwards. Olivia picked up her pace as she worked through her paperwork, determined more than ever to get it finished before noon. But little did she know no matter how fast she worked, she wouldn't be meeting Elliot for lunch.

He remembers her smile this morning when he woke up in bed next to her as she nursed their son. He remembers making lunch plans with her this morning, and kissing her goodbye before seeing her run out the door. But what he doesn't remember is how he got here in the exact position he's in right now, holding her hand as she lays in a hospital bed. Waiting on her to wake up from the 6 hour procedure she just endured to remove two bullets that entered into her body this morning.

Olivia was shot.

Over a decade of being her partner and keeping her from taking a bullet, and the moment he walks away she's hit. It was a rookie mistake from a new officer on duty, and it almost costed Olivia her life. A ruckus in the precinct and a perp with a weapon in a rampage led to all of this.

He had been at home with the kids getting them ready to meet their mother for lunch when he got the call. Elliot had almost fell to the floor when Fin had spoke those words to him over the phone. He hadn't heard any other words spoken to him once he was told what hospital she was being taken to. His world had gone silent. The same words repeated in his head.

 _Olivia's been shot. Olivia's been shot. Olivia's been shot._

He called the girls over and they had pulled up in record time to watch the kids. He doesn't even remember the drive to the hospital or finding her room. But what he does remember is the moment he seen her lying in bed once her surgery was done. She looked helpless and small as he waited for her to wake from the anesthesia. He cried as he sat next to her, holding her hand and praying to God that she would wake up soon. Even if it was just for a moment. Any sign to let him know that she would be okay.

The doctors and nurses had come in numerous times to check her vitals, and letting Elliot know each time that she was going to pull through and recover. He knew it was in an effort to help him but the worry that trickled in the back of his brain wouldn't let loose.

When he checked his phone it was going on 10 in the evening and he figured it was best to check in on the kids. It had been hours since he last heard from the girls.

"Hey dad, how's Olivia?" was the first thing Maureen had said when she answered the phone.

"She's hanging in there- stable. Now we're just waiting for her to wake up," he stepped into the hallway and spoke softly.

"I'm so sorry dad," he could hear her voice crack at the end of her statement.

"Honey, everything is going to be okay. Olivia's one of the strongest people I know," he paced in front of the door to Olivia's room.

"I know it's just.."

"I get it," he replied knowing too well how she felt. Olivia was like a second mother to them. Especially in this last year. The kids had faced this same scenario with him one too many times. "How is Mason and Cecilia?"

"They're good as always and already in bed."

"Give them a kiss from me and Liv. Let them know mommy and daddy loves them."

"Of course I promise, I love you dad. Call me if anything changes."

"I promise and Mo?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for everything."

"Don't stress it. I'll stay with the kiddos as long as you need. Good night dad."

"Night. Love you," he ended the call and stood in the hall for a moment to breath before going back into the room.

Elliot blinked several times before realizing that his eyes weren't fooling him.

Olivia was awake.

She sat staring at her hands and wincing when she tried to reach up and examine the bandage around her shoulder. Her eyes welled with tears and the pace of her breathing quickened once she realized where she was.

"Elliot! El!" she looked around, too panicked and oblivious to see he was in the doorway looking right at her.

"I'm here. I'm right here baby," he rushed over to where she laid taking both her hands into his. "I'm here. I'll always be right here," he reached for her call light to get a nurse. "Look at me and try to breathe," he inhaled deep slow breaths and she mimicked as best she could.

"What h-happened?"

"Hi Olivia," the doctor walked in and very calmly assisted Olivia by adjusting her oxygen that ran through the cannula under her nose. "You're doing good just take deep breaths," the blonde haired woman checked her stats as she spoke.

"How did I end up here and why does my shoulder hurt so damn bad?" her voice was deeper and full of exhaustion from the ordeal she'd just endured.

"You were in a bit of an accident. Baby you were shot by a perp who got ahold of a gun at the precinct today," Elliot stood next to her and rubbed her head as she laid back in her bed.

"How bad was I hit?"

"He shot you twice and got you pretty good in the shoulder."

"Is that why it feels like my arms about to fall off?"

"I'll get you something for the pain," the doctor went to find a nurse.

"Where's the kids? Mason and Cecilia, the girls?" her voice was tired and he could tell it wouldn't be long until she would be asleep again.

"The girls are with them. Everything's okay," he chided himself for letting the few tears escape that soaked his face.

"Why are you crying? Honey look at me I'm okay. I'm okay," she reached over carefully with her good arm and caressed the side of his face, bringing his forehead against hers.

"When they told me you'd been shot I thought-"

"But I didn't," she kissed his cheek where the tears had fallen. "I'm alive and I'm here," she brought his hand to her chest, letting him feel her heartbeat. "I love you," her voice was weakened as she fought to stay awake.

"I love you..so damn much," he meant every word.

"I am back with meds and good news," the doctor re-entered with a nurse following close behind. "We managed to get both bullets out with no problems. I expect you to make a full recovery maybe by the beginning of the new year."

"That's such a long time.." Olivia looked at the head of her bed where the doctor stood.

"I promise it'll fly by and so will this pain," she took a few notes.

"Are these meds harmful? I'm still breastfeeding my son," her hand reached up to her breast, hit with the realization.

"We'll put you on a low dosage in that case. I suggest you pump one time before you nurse him next."

"Okay, thank you doctor. I have more questions but I can hardly keep my eyes open."

"You sleep then Olivia. I'll be back in the morning," she patted her feet at the end of the bed and went into the hallway.

"I'm so tired El," she held his hand loosely that rested on her leg. "Promise me you'll stay right here?"

"I'm not going anywhere. Ever."

 **2 more chapters. I'm gagging! Thank you for the amazing reviews**


	31. Changes

**Friday, October 20**

Last night had been tough but not for Olivia, for Elliot. She slept through the entire night after they administered her pain medications- only waking when they ran their rounds, but Elliot couldn't take his eyes off of her. The phone call he had gotten from Fin kept replaying in his head, the feeling of losing Olivia loomed over him. He couldn't shake the thought out of his head that if she had been hit one more time, it could have been the end for her.

"Do you guys really have to come in here every two hours? Jesus.." his reverie was broken when he heard Olivia getting snappy with the nurse.

" , I'm sorry but you know I have to-"

"Do your rounds I know...here," Olivia, obviously irritated from the constant checking held out her good arm for her blood pressure to be taken.

"Go easy on her Liv. She's just doing her job," Elliot butted in softly and ran his hand along her leg.

"Cassie, you know I mean no harm…"

"Oh trust me I know. I've had my share of patients and you're far from the worst," the young nurse entered a few things into the small computer she wheeled in. "Someone should be in soon to change your dressing on your shoulder. Don't hesitate to call for help," and with that she was on to the next room.

"You look beat," Olivia reached for Elliot's hand that rested on her thigh. "Did you sleep at all last night?"

"A little bit. I just wanted to make sure you got through your first night okay."

"I did, so you should go home and get some sleep," she knew he was worried. Scared probably wasn't even a word close enough to describe how he had felt when he heard what happened to her yesterday.

"I'm alright," he tried his best to dismiss her.

"Please go...check on the kids," the way she looked at him- he knew exactly what she was doing.

"I will go but I will be back by lunch. Promise me you'll nap between now and then?"

"Trust me. As soon as they administer this next round of meds I will be out like a light," she tilted her head up when he stood with her lips puckered for him. Elliot leaned over and kissed her softly, cupping the the side of her head as the tips of his fingers thread through the hair at the nape of her neck. When he pulled back, the pad of his thumb ran alongside her face.

"I love you," he kissed a small bruise near her hair line that he assumed she got when she fell after getting hit.

"Love you," she smiled when he pulled her blanket up a little higher before grabbing his keys and leaving.

Olivia stared at her right shoulder hidden under her hospital gown. It was wrapped in layers and layers of dressing as she began her journey towards healing. Almost 20 years of being an officer of the NYPD and she hadn't been shot up until yesterday. Granted she had been hit with a few scares, coming close too many times but yesterday was her worst nightmare come to life.

There was a deep grief that followed her after yesterday. She couldn't explain it but the simple thought of leaving Mason and Cecilia behind left an ache in her heart.

Olivia knew it had to be the aftershock of getting hit yesterday, but the need to be with her children pulled at her a little harder today.

The normal detective lasted a few years in special victims, and went on to a new unit. But for Olivia this had become her life. She had spent the better part of her life fighting for victims and committing every minute to them but now...now she wasn't so sure if continuing her life as a detective was the right move.

"Mama!" Olivia heard the familiar voice of her baby girl coming from the hallway. She looked over at the door in front of her bed and listened for the tiny footsteps hitting the floor. "Mama!" Cecilia ran into her room with Elliot carrying a sleeping Mason close behind.

"Hi baby!" the toddler ran over to her bed with her arms up, eager to be close to her mother. Olivia looked to Elliot and was thankful that he used his free hand to lift her onto the bed.

"Be gentle with mommy Ceci," Elliot sat at the end of the bed watching closely.

"She's okay," Olivia said softly. "Come here my love," Cecilia crawled into her mother's lap, and Olivia helped her sit towards the left side of her body. She kissed her sweet face repeatedly, just happy to have Cecilia in her arms. "I love you so so much," she took Cecilia's hand with her left hand and brought the back of it to her lips. The back of her throat burned as she tried to hold back her tears.

"Mama hurt?" Cecilia looked at her arm that was in a sling.

"Yes but I'm okay sweetie," Olivia did her best to smile and was thankful it didn't seem to bother her.

"The kids were going to come see you but I told them to give you an extra day," Elliot spoke up.

"I'm always up to see them. Bring them first thing tomorrow."

"Eli spent all morning making you 'get well' cards. He'll be happy to bring them to you," he ran his hand along Mason's back as his head rested on his shoulder. "Did the doc say how long it'll be til we can bust you out of here?"

"She says if my stats and everything are good for the next few days I can come home."

"Really?"

"Yeah but on one condition," she bit her bottom lip trying to hold back a smile.

"What's that?"

"Bubble baths and home cooked meals from you..you know to help me recover," she tried her best to keep a straight face but found herself bursting into laughter at the look on his face.

"And let me guess- back rubs too?"

"You got it," he laughed along with her. Silence fell over them with only the background noise of the television. Olivia watched Cecilia, who had fallen asleep in her arms. The aching feeling of spending more moments like this with her- with Mason, came creeping on her. She carefully tucked Cecilia in next to her, more than happy to make room for her.

 **Monday, October 31**

It had been over a week since Olivia had been shot, and 6 days since she had come home. The reality of her injury had set in that first night, making her realize that a speedy recovery wasn't in her best interest. Persistent in keeping her promise to herself, she had been on minimal pain medication to continue breastfeeding. The first few days had been troubling, but today she had finally felt like her life was getting back to normal.

Today was Halloween and of course against Elliot's wishes, she went with him to take the kids trick or treating. Kathy was nice enough to bring Eli over and let him spend the night despite there being school tomorrow. They'd spent an hour walking the neighborhood, observing their neighbors decorations, and hunting for candy before returning home for the night. After ordering a celebratory pizza in honor of a successful Halloween and getting Cecilia and Eli to bed, Elliot had finally made his way to bed.

The lights had been dimmed and the fire place had been turned on. Olivia had been in bed laying on her side with her head resting in the palm of her hand. Mason had been asleep next to her on his back, tucked into her chest. Elliot crawled into bed and quietly cradled Mason in his arms and took him to his nursery they had finally put together last month. After checking his monitor and turning on his nightlight, he returned to their bedroom.

He rid himself of his sweatshirt he wore and slid into bed next to Olivia. He pushed her on her back gently and pulled the comforter around her. Her eyes fluttered open as he leaned over her, his hand resting on her hip while his head laid in the other. Elliot leaned down to kiss her softly, tasting the chocolate on her lips from the cocoa they had earlier. She reached up and caressed the side of his face when he pulled away, running her thumb along his stubble.

"What's on your mind?" she spoke quietly.

"Nothing I'm just..happy you're home and safe," he ran his hand through her hair, still in love with her new look.

"You are sure that's it?"

"Yeah," he smiled and kissed her forehead before reaching over and turning off the light. She snuggled into him, accepting his answer.

The truth was the entire event of Olivia getting shot had rocked his entire world. He could have lost her when they had so much more living to do. Elliot realized he was done wasting time. If he wanted to have no regrets, no what ifs, then he knew he had to make a change. And soon.

Wednesday, November 2

"When I suggested you run me bubble baths, I didn't mean you had to wait on me hand and foot," Olivia said as Elliot sat behind her on the chaise. She rested between his legs in a fluffy robe after having him help her bathe.

"You hardly let me help as it is, just let me do this," he removed the towel from her head and gently began brushing her damp hair. "You wanna know something?"

"What's that?"

"I love your hair when it gets this long," she chuckled at his admission.

"You do? Did you hate my short hair back in early 2000?" she turned slightly to look back at him.

"It wasn't my favorite," he played coy knowing he'd be in the dog house if he wasn't careful with his words.

"You hated it, didn't you?"

"No, it just wasn't the right look for you."

"You can admit it was a bad look," she nudged him lightly.

"Okay okay, I hated it but I still thought you were beautiful."

"To be honest..I hated it too," the corners of her mouth upturned.

"Just promise me you won't cut it too short again," he kissed her temple before standing and going over to the dresser to find her underwear.

"For you? Maybe," she slid on the fresh pair before loosening her robe. "Can you help me love?" she held up the sweatshirt of his that she stole.

"Wanna know something else?" He said as he assisted her getting it over head with her sling. "I love when you steal my sweatshirts," he pulled the rest of the shirt down and kissed the tip of her nose.

"Just admit it. You love everything about me," she winked and stood as he helped her step into her leggings.

"No. You just look a whole lot better than I do," he pulled them over her hips and helped her get her slippers on. "And I just might love everything about you too," he slid his hand into hers and brought it to his lips. "So much that I think we should exchange this for something a little more shiny," he held her left hand out and toyed with the platinum band he had gotten her last Christmas.

"How did we go from hair cuts to this," she peered down at her finger, imagining for a moment what a diamond might look like.

"I don't know, I just look at you every morning and see how you are with our kids. How attentive you are to their needs and to _my_ kid needs. I look into your eyes every time before I kiss you good night, already wishing it was morning so that I could see the little crinkle in your nose when I wake you too early-"

"Elliot I-"

"Let me finish…" he hushed her quietly. "I'm not proposing to you in this moment, but I want to and soon. So damn soon and I need to know if that's okay. If me asking you to be in my life forever is something you would say yes to," he finally said it. He couldn't spend another moment wishing and hoping for a future with Olivia. Elliot wanted a promise for forever with her, and couldn't agree more that the time was now.

"I think you already know the answer to that," she pulled him closer and leaned up to kiss him. "You better not take too long before I change my mind," she smirked and turned to walk away. He laughed knowing exactly what she meant.

He needed to get on that proposal soon, and he couldn't wait.

Wednesday, November 20

Last year Thanksgiving had been at Elliot's, which meant this year Kathy would get Thanksgiving and Christmas would be all theirs. Olivia was happy to get the bigger holiday finally, but a Thanksgiving without the kids seemed awful. So she decided to have an early one with the kids.

"Livia, can I have more potatoes please?" Eli asked.

"Of course. Make sure you save room for pie later," she scooped mashed potatoes onto his plate and placed a kiss to his nose.

"We have to go Christmas shopping this weekend, so we can catch all the sales," Maureen continued their conversation.

"The last time we all went shopping together Olivia was pregnant, and didn't even know it. Remember that?" Kathleen brought up their big shopping trip to find Elizabeth's formal dress.

"How could I forget?"

"What if you're pregnant again? Wouldn't that be so funny?"

"Um, no it wouldn't. Nine months of carrying around 30 extra pounds, swollen feet, and an achy back? No thanks!" she chuckled.

"You and dad will at least have one more right? You make such cute babies! Yes you do!" Maureen cooed at Mason who was in her arms suckling on a piece of fruit.

"No babies for a long time," Olivia looked up at Elliot who sat at the other end of the table. "I mean it El!" she pointed her finger at him when she seen the smile spreading across his face.

"I didn't say anything," he laughed.

"You didn't have to. I see it all in your eyes hon," she shook her head at him and continued feeding Cecilia food from her plate.

"Hey Liv, how is your shoulder?" Dickie asked, changing the topic of conversation.

"I'm officially out of my sling and in therapy. Everything's good."

"Do you know when you'll go back to work?"

"Not anytime soon. I don't know if I'm even going back to be honest," it slipped from her mouth before she could stop herself. Olivia had thought about leaving svu ever since that night she woke up in the hospital, but she hadn't spoken to Elliot about it at all.

"Whoa, first dad and now you? How will the NYPD function without you guys?" Maureen butted in. Olivia looked across at Elliot who was now sitting with his arms crossed and his face stoic. She could tell he was heated on the inside, more than likely upset that she hadn't been honest with him about how she had been feeling.

"I-It's just a thought but for now I'm not going anywhere," she tried to pull back her previous statement, but seen it had no give.

"Well, if we're being honest I hope you stay. You're like a real life superhero."

"Thanks Liz. I will definitely give it some thought," she pushed around the food on her plate, realizing she was no longer hungry.

Olivia hadn't spoken to Elliot at all about the possibility of her leaving, but she knew tonight there would be no choice but to talk about it.

A night full of laughter and good food had finally worn everyone out. The kids had decided to sleep over, all of them finding space on the sectional and making pallets in the living room. It felt just like old times last summer when they were all trying to figure out things. Olivia gave them all a kiss goodnight before going upstairs to check on Cecilia and Eli, and finally returning to their bedroom for some quality time with Mason.

"I think someone is a little milk drunk," Olivia ran her finger lightly over Mason's face as he finished nursing. "Hey," she spoke when she seen Elliot come freshly showered from the bathroom.

"Hey", he toweled off and threw on a pair of pajama pants. He hardly looked over at her and she knew he was still upset about earlier.

"Elliot," she said softly.

"Olivia," he answered back short.

"I know you're upset-"

"Upset?" he laughed in a sarcastic tone.

"I should have told you the truth, I know."

"Yeah, you should have. I wish you would have come to me about this. After all we've been through...you know you could have talked to me about it," he stood at the end of the bed with his hands on his hips.

"Elliot I'm sorry, it just slipped out tonight. I was going to talk to you after I spoke to captain about my options," she adjusted her shirt and moved a now sleeping Mason to the middle of the bed. "I promise you that I was going to talk about it," she stood and walked over to him. "Please tell me you're not mad at me," she placed both open palms on his chest.

"I was.." he grabbed her hands and took them in his. "I just want you to talk to me."

"Oh Elliot, don't give me that you know I talk to you!" she pulled away from him. "This was just one little thing-"

"You leaving SVU isn't little!" his voice had risen and he caught himself before waking up the house. "This affects all of us. Why are you thinking about leaving? Because you got shot?"

"You're making something out of nothing. I never said I was for sure leaving. I said that I was thinking about it. I've been doing this for half my life Elliot, you can't expect me to stay forever! Jesus christ!" she charged into the bathroom, but before she could close the door Elliot's hand had come in the way.

"No," he opened the door back up. "You don't get to run away from this," she scoffed and sat on the edge of the counter. "Tell me why you want to leave," he stood in front of her with his hands resting on either side of her thighs. She looked away from him, biting on her bottom lip. Her hands wrenched together in her lap as she tried her best to keep her emotions in tact.

"When I was-" she paused trying to keep her tears at bay but failing. "When I was shot, everything was black. I don't remember even being hit, or what exactly happened leading up to it. All I remember is waking up in that hospital bed and immediately looking for you," she used the sleeve of her shirt to wipe her tears. Elliot reached behind her and grabbed a few tissues and handed them to her.

"When you told me what had happened, that I had been hit..Elliot I was so scared at just the thought of dying. And it wasn't even the death part, but the leaving you and the kids behind part. I've waited my whole life for those two little miracles, and I just can't risk my life for this job anymore. I need to be with them _more_ ," her lip quivered as her face became wet with tears.

"If this is what you want to do," he took her hands into his, and used the pad of his thumb to rub the back of them. "I will support you no matter what decision you make. Just promise me you'll _tell_ me."

"Of course. You know that," she reached for the base of his neck and pulled him closer. "I don't know what I want to do next, but I really need this change," she pressed her forehead against his. "I love you and I'm sorry for not telling you sooner."

"And I'm sorry for being so...me. I love you," he kissed her calling it truce, glad that they could put this disagreement behind them. "You know I just want you to be happy,"

"And I am. I swear I am I just need a little change, that's all," she wrapped her arms around his neck. "How about we go for a cup of hot chocolate, and watch a movie. Your choice," he nodded and helped her off the counter.

"I'll make the cocoa, you put Mason in his crib?" Elliot agreed and gently cradled him, trying his best not to wake him up. On the trip to his nursery he had woken back up, only staring up quietly at his father.

Elliot sat in the glider next to his crib, rocking him as he coaxed him back to sleep. His baby blues that looked exactly like his tried their best to stay awake as they batted slowly.

"Hey bud," he whispered. "I need your opinion on something," Mason only looked up in response. "I think I gonna propose to your mom here soon. What do you think about that?" He dozed off and back into his slumber to the sound of his father's voice. "I'll take that as the green light to go for it," Elliot laughed lightly to himself and placed Mason into his crib, and checked the monitor before closing the door.

He stood in the hallway for a moment and took a deep breath, deciding in that moment that it was time to pick up that ring he had been eyeing.

 **Not to be dramatic but there's one more chapter left and I'm lowkey sad, because I've been working on this story for so long now omg. But thanks for the reviews last chapter as always! xx**


	32. Happy Endings

**Sunday, December 3**

It was Elliot's first weekend back at work since Olivia had gotten shot, and he was expected to be gone up until the middle of next week. Olivia was progressing at a moderate speed towards a full recovery, but she was still nervous about being left alone with the kids. The girls were on speed dial in case it all became too much, but so far she felt like everything was going okay.

In fact the weekend had been going so smoothly that Olivia decided to make a trip to the precinct to have a chat with her Captain about her options, and possibly leaving sex crimes. After packing a diaper bag full enough to last a weekend, she piled up the kids in the car and headed to the 1-6.

"Hey Liv!" Nick greeted her when he seen her heading into the building at the same time as him. "Let me help you," he reached for Mason who was all smiles when he seen his Uncle Nick. "Hey mano! Que pasa?" he kissed his rosy cheeks that were cool from the chilly weather.

"Oh thank you Nick," she picked up Cecilia who was holding her hand and followed him into the elevator.

"Please tell me you're not trying to come back to work already?"

"Well not exactly," she grinned. "I just have a few things to go over with Captain about next year," they stepped off onto their floor and went into the bullpen. As expected, a round of _ooohhs_ and _ahhhs_ filled the room when they walked in with Mason and Cecilia.

"Hey mama," Amanda waved from her chair and Olivia made her way over. Nick had took Mason over to his desk where Munch and Fin had been chatting. "You're looking good."

"Thank you. I'm feeling much better," she said in reference to her arm. "Is Captain busy?"

"Nah," she looked back at his office door that was shut. "I'll help keep an eye on the little ones. You go ahead," she reached for Cecilia, who was more than happy to hang out with her for a bit.

"It shouldn't be too long. Thanks," she tousled her hair and went to hang her coat up before knocking on his door.

"Come on in," she twisted the knob on the door and walked in, happy to see Cragen's smiling face for the first time in weeks.

"Olivia, it's so good to see you. You know we miss you around here," each time she heard that she felt this getting harder and harder. "What brings you in today?"

"Um, well.." she took a seat across from him at his desk. "I've been doing some thinking, and I think my time at svu is coming to an end."

"Let me guess..you want more time with the kids?" he smiled as he sat across from her with both of his hands clasped in front of him.

"Hit the nail right on the head."

"I knew this was coming but it doesn't make it any easier to let you go," he stood and came around to sit in the seat next to her. "You talk to Elliot about this?"

"Not totally in depth but we did talk about it after fighting about it," she rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her hair. "Well, it wasn't a fight, more of a misunderstanding. I wasn't completely honest with him about wanting to leave, but now we're on the same page indefinitely."

"But now.."

"Now he's being so supportive and just wants me to do what _I_ want to do."

"Stabler turned out not to be so bad, did he?" Olivia looked back at Mason and Cecilia who were busy being loved by their extended family.

"No- not at all."

 **Wednesday, December 6**

Elliot had been gone for five whole days, trying to get back in the swing of things at work. He didn't love the fact that Olivia had gotten injured, but he loved being able to spend the last 6 weeks with her and the kids. He was grateful his job had been flexible, and let him do work from home while someone subbed in for him. But now that he was back, he took the time away to look for the perfect ring to propose to Olivia with.

Now as he sat in the car outside of their town home he toyed with the blood red box that held the engagement ring inside. He opened it to take a look at the ring one last time before sticking it in his coat pocket and heading inside.

It was just past 9 and he knew for sure the kids had been down for bed. He entered the house and hurried upstairs to see Olivia. She was already in bed watching the television, and turned the moment she heard his feet hit the top of the stairs. He threw his bags to the ground along with his coat and went to jump in bed when he seen her, causing her to laugh. Elliot snuggled between her legs and rested on his forearms, kissing her softly. He moved down and laid his head on her shoulder. Olivia straddled her legs around his and enveloped him in her arms, while she kissed and ran her hands through his hair.

"I missed you," he said and looked up to place a kiss to her jawline.

"I missed you too," she held him a little bit tighter. The action alone set him off that something was wrong with her.

"Everything okay?"

"First, let me make you some dinner," she patted for him to move and got up, grabbing a hold of his hand to follow her downstairs.

He watched her as she took a plate out of the oven and warmed a plate for him in the microwave. She stood in only an oversized NYPD shirt with her back turned to him. She grabbed him a beer from the fridge and set his plate on the island where he sat.

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong baby?" he took a bite from the plate of steak and potatoes.

"I went to the precinct this weekend and spoke to Cragen," she moved to sit in the stool next to him.

"About leaving?"

"Yes.." she toyed with the necklace she wore. "I think I'm going to focus on just working part time for now, and you know maybe go back to school. Captain brought up being a SANE nurse or maybe a counselor. I don't know what I want to do yet, but I just need you to promise you'll be in my corner," he reached over and grabbed ahold of her hand.

"Olivia, you _know_ I will always be in your corner. I think you going back to school is amazing," he pulled her in between his legs where he sat, and rested his hands on her hip. "I don't want you to stay at the 1-6 if it's not making you happy. I'll work and you go to school. The girls will help with the kids-"

"You would really do that?" he grinned widely at her snickering. "What's so funny?" she shoved his shoulder.

"You," when she tried turning away he grabbed her again and pulled her body flush against him. "When will you realize you're not alone anymore? We're your family."

"I love you," her muddy brown eyes with small flecks of gold stared back at him. She brought her hand up to the side of his face and grinned widely at him, taking in all of his features.

"And I love you," and he meant it more than ever. "I remember when you first walked into the precinct, and then when captain told me that you were going to be my new partner."

"You _hated_ me," Olivia took her seat next to him again.

"I didn't hate you. You were just so new and had no idea what you were going into. It's tough getting a rookie," he pulled her stool closer to him until the edge of her seat was touching his. "But I'm glad I got you," he said sweetly as his hand rested near the apex of her thighs.

"Sweet save at the end there," she winked and stole a steamed carrot from his plate. "But I guess you're right. We do make a pretty good team- _and_ cute kids."

"How much longer til we try for another one of those?"

"You would think a man with 7 kids would learn to settle down," she joked. Inside it made her feel all warm and fuzzy- just happy that they were able to have both Cecilia and Mason soon after. Olivia hadn't expected in her wildest dreams to be with Elliot, and then once she was, a kid was the furthest thing from her mind. He had lived his life. He went and did the whole American dream thing and got married, had kids, Elliot did it all. But to hear that he wanted to do it all over again- and with her..she didn't think she would ever get tired of hearing it.

"One more wouldn't hurt," he grinned as he dug into his food.

"Let us at least get these two out of diapers before we even think about that," she stood and kissed the corner of his mouth, before going to clean the few dishes still in the sink.

 **Sunday, December 24**

It's the day before Christmas, of course how could he forget? Christmas Eve would no longer just be another holiday full of family traditions and preparing for the big holiday. Now it would be the day Elliot and Olivia's life changed forever. New memories would be made that they would both be able to hold close.

Today he was going to propose. There wasn't any doubts in his mind that this was the right time for them to take the next step. He wasn't expecting wedding bells by the end of next year, but he needed Olivia to know that he wanted her in his life for the rest of time. It had been on his mind since the beginning of the year and now he couldn't believe the time had finally come.

Elliot spent the past 3 weeks planning this and going back and forth on what to do. At first he wanted to make this proposal an entire event with all of their closest friends and family surrounding them. But then he realized that that just wasn't Olivia _or_ him. Everything between them was always easy going and he knew Olivia would appreciate a more intimate gesture more than a grand one.

He tried his best to act as normal as possible this entire week as he planned carefully behind her back with the help of Casey and the kids. Elliot knew he got incredibly lucky that this Christmas was theirs, and having all of the kids around didn't look suspicious at all. He made sure to cross all of his t's and dot all of his i's before tonight.

It was just past midnight and all of the kids had been asleep, making pallets in Eli's room and downstairs in the living room. The house was quiet with only the background noise of the tv as Olivia sat on the floor of their bedroom wrapping gifts. She had worked hard to hide them all, deciding she would surprise them in the morning with a tree full of presents on Christmas day.

"What is this for?" Elliot had emerged from the closet and tossed a hoodie of his her way.

"I think it's only right that we make another late night trip like last year," he stood in his red plaid pajama bottoms that matched the thermal onesie she wore.

"You didn't buy a house did you?" she complied and pulled the hoodie over her head.

"You won't know until we get there," he was playing coy and tossed her a scarf and beanie before tugging her downstairs.

He blindfolded her again and drove barely ten minutes before they reached their destination.

"And we are here," he took a deep breath before walking to the other side of the car and guiding her into the building. He made sure she was in the perfect spot before untying her blindfold and wrapping his arms around her from behind.

"Elliot.." was all the she could muster up the strength to say. They stood in the same Italian restaurant he had brought her to on their first date, except this time it looked completely different. With the help of the owner, George, he was granted the rest of the night here with only him Olivia and a small wait staff that was kind enough to spend their Christmas Eve here. The small restaurant had been covered in white string lights all over, and tea lights. There was a table right in the center of the dining room that was obviously set just for them.

"Let's have a seat," he led her to the circle table that was covered in a black fabric tablecloth, and had a small candle lit centerpiece.

"I can't believe you did all of this. This is beautiful," Olivia sat next to him at the table with her chin in the palm of her hand as she looked around at the work he had done. "Just when I think I've got you figured out, you go and surprise me all over again."

"There's plenty more to come but for now, I just want you to enjoy yourself," a member of the wait staff was kind enough to bring them a bottle of wine, and bread to enjoy while their meal was being prepared.

They talked quietly between each other about nothing too heavy as they sipped on their wine, and indulged in their food that they enjoyed over a year ago. Her laugh filled the room when he cracked his corny jokes, she smiled so widely that the small dimples in her chin appeared. Sitting alone in this restaurant in only their pajamas beat anything else he had planned. After they finished dinner they sat for a moment completely stuffed and trying to make room for dessert. Elliot knew this was as good a time as ever to make his move and finally ask the question he's been dying to ask.

"So," he began to talk. "Do you have any idea why I decided to add so many lights to this place?" Elliot took the few seconds that she looked up and around at all the lights to fish the ring box from his pocket. When she turned to look back at him he already had the box open in front of her. She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand as the tears formed in an instant.

"I wanted to show you just how much of a light you have been in my life since we started this new journey together," he continued and moved his chair back to get on one knee. "I want to spend every morning waking up next to you. I want long days in the park with the kids. I want sticky hot fourth of July weekends at the beach, and cold winters playing in the snow. I want every beautiful pure and fearless part of you, but I also want those insanely stubborn and hardheaded parts too," he paused after finding himself getting choked up. "Olivia Benson, what I'm trying to say is that I want- no I _need_ you in my life. That pact we made years ago, partners for life, I want to take the next step with that. I love you madly, Liv. Will you please marry me?"

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" she said over and over as she cried and her face became soaked with tears. It was all so unexpected, truly. She had no idea that this was his plans before the end of this year. They had discussed marriage in the future, but she thought maybe another year would pass until then.

The moment he slid that ring on her finger, she suddenly felt whole. The pear shaped star studded ring fit her left ring finger perfectly. The silver band shined and the sparkle of the diamond bounced off the reflection of the lights. Olivia jumped into his arms, causing him to fall to the ground and elicit laughter. She kissed him repeatedly, taking the sides of his head in her hands. She laughed when she pulled away and seen the shit eating grin on his face. For once she had never been more happy to see it.

"I love you- god do I love you," she cried happily.

"I love you too," he sat up and kissed her lovingly before helping her up and standing himself. "You've made me the happiest man in the world," he grabbed ahold of her left hand and flipped it over to take a look at her ring finger.

"Oh baby," she wrapped both arms around his neck and he pulled her close by the waist. "You have no idea how much I've looked forward to this day," she nuzzled her nose against his and stole a kiss. "When did you even have the time to plan all of this?"

"Those trips to D.C have turned out to be very helpful," he pulled her chair back out for her.

"This ring is beautiful honey. Thank you for making this one of the best nights of my life," she took her seat next to him and grabbed ahold of his hand.

"You deserve this and so much more," he kissed away the few tears that were left behind. "You think we can eat some dessert before we go home and the real celebration happens?" he winked and she threw a piece of bread at him.

"What makes you think you'll be so lucky to get laid tonight?" she rested her chin in the palm of her hand.

"Maybe because of the way you've been eyeing me like a piece of meat all night," he leaned back in his chair, wearing an impish smile.

"Oh shut up!" she shrieked.

"So I'm guessing that means I'm right?"

"Absolutely," she beamed.

"You know you're going to have to let me sleep eventually?" Olivia laughed lightly as she laid in bed with Elliot spooning her. It was just past 6 in the morning and they hadn't slept at all. He had just finished making love to her just like this, holding her close as he worked her gently. He was attentive to her needs tonight, wanting nothing more than to feel her coming around him. She was like a drug that his body would never get enough of.

"Sadly," his hand sprawled on her abdomen as he held her, and face nuzzled into her hair. He picked up her left hand to take a look at the stone that adorned her ring finger now. "I still can't believe you're going to be my wife."

"If we're being honest I can't either, but I can't wait," she rolled over and laid her head on his chest. "This might sound crazy and out of the blue, but god I'm so happy I brought my ass back here from Oregon," they both shared a laugh. "I guess all the fighting and yelling was worth it huh?" she looked up at him and planted a kiss to his stubble covered chin.

"Hell yeah it was," he brushed her hair back with his hand and kissed her softly. "The girls I think are more excited about this than we are."

"They knew about the proposal?"

"Although all the ideas were mine, executing them would've been a disaster without them-" they both looked over at the monitor that sat on the nightstand when they heard the voice of Cecilia coming through.

"I'll get her," reluctantly Olivia rolled out of bed and grabbed her robe from the back of the door. Elliot changed the sheets while she checked on her and threw on his pajama pants. She returned almost ten minutes later with Cecilia on her hip and a bottle of milk in her hand.

"I think someone had a bad dream," she moved towards the bed and in record time Cecilia crawled across the moment she seen her daddy. She rubbed her eyes in an attempt to fight sleep, before grabbing her warm milk and laying across Elliot's chest.

"I hate the bad dreams but I love the snuggles," he kissed her forehead.

"Merry Christmas!" Kathleen and Elizabeth ran into their room without knocking and tumbled into the bed, attacking Olivia. "And happy engagement! Let me see! Let me see!" Elizabeth screamed.

"How do you know I even said yes?" Olivia played coy and hid her hand behind her back.

"Oh please!" Kathleen scoffed and motioned for Olivia to show them her hand.

"It looks even better in person," the girls awed at the ring and gave her hugs. "Olivia Benson is going to be our stepmom. Who would've thought?"

"Presents! Presents! Presents!" Eli appeared and ran into their room, adding to the party happening on the bed. "It's finally Christmas, Livia!"

"Our second Christmas together too," he crawled his way up to her lap and hugged her tightly. "My big boy," she ran her hands through his hair. He was no longer the little toddler running around, but instead a spitting image of his father.

"Eli, Dad and Olivia are getting married!" Elizabeth said.

"Married?" he looked up at his father perplexed.

"Yeah buddy. Do you know what that means?"

"I do, but thought you and Livia already were?" everyone tried their hardest to keep straight faces, but Eli had been just too cute.

"Well, I guess it kind of did seem like that huh?" Olivia added and kissed his forehead. "But now we're going to be official. And you'll all get to be there to help. Does that sound good?"

"I like that!" his face brightened.

"Good! Because we're going to need your help carrying these really important rings," she showed him the engagement ring on her hand.

It wasn't long before Maureen had come into their room with Mason in her arms, and Dickie following behind her. Eli had moved between his dad and Olivia to make room for his little brother. Dickie threw himself on the chaise near the bed, and Maureen had squeezed herself on the already full bed.

"Merry Christmas everyone!"

"Merry Christmas!"

"Let me see the ring!"

"You girls are something else," Olivia shook her head laughing.

"We're just so excited for you guys! You _have_ to let us help you plan. Especially the bachelorette party," she said sly as she looked at her sisters.

"Can we open presents now?" Eli interrupted.

"Yes, of course honey," Olivia helped him down from the bed.

"Last one down is a rotten egg!" Kathleen began her head start towards the stairs before her siblings ran after her. Cecilia hadn't moved one bit from Elliot's arms as she fell back asleep, and Mason had been more focused on ridding Olivia of her robe and getting breakfast.

"Oh boy, you are not trying to wait are you?" Olivia giggled and settled into the pillows to nurse a hungry Mason. Elliot watched her and their baby boy as she fed him in bed like she did every morning. It was a routine he would never be tired of and he knew the day their baby boy was no longer a baby, he would be somber of the routine lost.

"You're serving him liquid gold every morning. What do you expect?" she laughed gingerly and reached for his hand that was resting on his side. She laced her fingers with his and leaned over to kiss him warmly. He looked at her momentarily before leaning in to kiss her again. "Everything okay?" he studied her face that was now contented.

"More than okay. I'm exactly where I want to be," she smiled gently as she looked over at him, meaning each and every word.

It was a new feeling this Christmas. One full of satisfaction, appreciation, and most of all happiness. If someone had told her that from this point on she would never spend another Christmas alone, but instead surrounded by her newfound family, she wouldn't believe them. In the span of only a year she lost her best friend, fell in love with her partner, and had a family of her own. Despite the tragedy of losing her closest friend, Olivia felt like she had finally found exactly who she was meant to be in life. And although there were still a few questions left to answer, she knew without a doubt that being right here with Elliot and their kids was exactly where she was supposed to be.

 **The End.**

 **I started this story over a year ago, and I can't believe how far it's come. Thanks for sticking with me and supporting my works. I hope to start the sequel soon, but for now I'm going to work on my short story "Dear Mom".**

 **Leave me one last review? Thank you xx.**


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